Last evening Studley and I were at a social function at an upscale wine bar. He was sitting at a table chatting with people and I was standing talking with others. Suddenly a young blonde (of course, it was a young blonde) came up behind him, put her arms around him, and gave him a bear hug. They laughed. I left the room.
I’m shocked at MY reaction. I practically reek of self-confidence and I’m not THAT woman – the one who demands total attention and pathological allegiance from her paranoid spouse. I should have gone over to her male companion, smashed up against him with a warm hug and whispered into his ear, “Want a hug from a REAL woman, Handsome?” Two can play at this game, Blondie.
I don’t know why the action bothered me and I turned into a junior high mean girl. We have a tight, loving relationship and I never worry about his loyalty or devotion. I am grateful for our commitment to each other. And in his defense, he didn’t know she would do that.
So, why did the young blonde upset me?
They used to be co-workers and that’s okay. I’ve worked more with men than with women. But they never hugged me like that. In business, women and men do the “side hug” to avoid full-body contact or stay with the safe handshake. Maybe I should try blonde streaks in my hair?
Is it an age thing? I am older than Studley – but that’s okay, too. Women live longer so we should balance out the statistics. And I look young for my age. I think.
She was thin and I gained some weight over the holidays and I feel pressure to look good. But, that shouldn’t matter. Right?
This pitiful insecurity is making me crazy. I relish the opportunity to rise above the common human frailties of jealousy and self-doubt. After all, I’m a motivational speaker. But maybe that, too, is just a fraud?
See how it happens? Women are too harsh on themselves, too ready to believe the worst, and too eager to take the blame. On the ride home, I expressed my feelings to Studley. He laughed and said it was nothing. Then he apologized for not recognizing what he perceived as an innocent action could bother me. Eventually we agreed and everything is all better now. At home he brought me a glass of wine and winked at me. I can live with that.