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Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Elaine Ambrose

Midlife Cabernet: How Women can Travel Alone without being Stupid

April 21, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

When I traveled solo on business trips more than 30 years ago, I experienced negative and skeptical reactions from hotel receptionists, waiters, and even other travelers. They assumed I was a loser who couldn’t get a man to accompany me or a floozy looking for some action in the back of the lobby bar. I enjoyed proving them wrong.

Now women comprise more than 51% of people traveling for business and pleasure. Most of us have a routine when entering a hotel room: prop open the door, check the closets and shower for bad guys, and then close and lock the door. Wearing a holster and pistol is a good idea, but that usually is discouraged by the staff.

Here are some helpful tips for women who love to travel but choose to return alive.

1. Pack light and wear sensible shoes. Be able to wrestle all your luggage by yourself and still run a city block, if necessary. Wear casual business attire and avoid stilettos unless you can use them as pointed weapons.

2. Don’t loop your purse over your head because if some jerk wants to steal it, you’ll be slammed to the ground in the process. Don’t read maps or fiddle with your cell phone while standing alone because that makes you appear vulnerable. You need to look fierce enough to scare off any prospective attacker.

3. Be street-smart. Ask for two room keys so it appears you’re not alone. Sign the hotel register with your first initial and last name. If a stranger follows you, return to the front desk, report the incident, and ask for an escort. If you have a rental car, park under a light and look in the back seat before getting in. Pity the fool who tries to hide in your car because he’ll get a stiletto stuck into his head.

4. Trust your gut. If the guy in the elevator looks like a creep, wait for the next elevator. Don’t get your exercise by taking the isolated staircase – use the hotel gym and increase your strength for self-defense.

5. Get out of the room. Turn off the free Internet, and take advantage of the local attractions. In large cities, you usually can find a single theatre ticket in orchestra seating, and the concierge can help with taxi and dinner reservations. If you forget where you are staying, you shouldn’t travel.

6. Learn new technology. I’m now on a trip that includes flying out of state, renting a car, and driving in the dark. My adult children taught me how to program route instructions through Pandora on my cell phone and plug the information into my car radio. Now every few miles a gentle voice tells me where to go. And, I obey.

7. Realize that the world offers wonderful sights and adventures, but it’s also full of horrible criminals who would cut off your finger to get your diamond ring. Turn your rings around, stay alert, and arrive alive.

8. For more current travel tips and deals, visit www.travelingwomenblogs.com.

One last word of advice: if a slick guy at the hotel bar asks if you need a little company, just tell him you already bought one last week. Works every time.

Today’s blog is fueled by a 2010 Erath Estate Selection Pinot Noir from Willamette Valley. It’s about $34 a bottle and provides the perfect finish to an exciting day of travel.

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #security, #travel blogs, #Women travel

Today’s Cabernet

April 21, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

Today’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Frei Brothers Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon from Alexander Valley. A bargain at $20, this wine is full-bodied, complex and sassy – just like most of my friends.

Filed Under: blog

Vindicated Packrat – Is that the name of a rock band?

April 21, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

I have a dreaded fear that Oprah’s camera crew will burst into my house any day and start filming for a television show about pitiful packrats who should be institutionalized. They’ll find my box of 4-H ribbons from 1962. It’s packed along with my blue sweater from the 1969 Wendell Pep Band. (I played saxophone.) Then they’ll find my dad’s army jacket and my grandmother’s hat. They’re right beside the box of single 45 records, featuring Sam the Sham singing “Lil’ Red Riding Hood,” and Herman’s Hermits crooning “Silhouettes,” and Gerry and the Pacemakers swooning “Ferry Across the Mersey.” I know I can buy and download a digitally enhanced version of those old songs, but I can’t bear to part with the scratchy-sounding music from my memories.A few years ago, I threw out 200 garbage bags of former-treasures-turned-junk. I was moving and had to clean out the basement. Some of the special items I found included my children’s baby teeth – in little packets with labels and diagrams of their mouths. I found a petrified turtle’s egg that I’ve had for over 20 years. (No, I don’t know why.) And, so very bittersweet, I found a bottle of breast milk tucked in the back of the freezer. My youngest is 27. He doesn’t need it anymore.However, I’m feeling a bit vindicated tonight. My son, my daughter and her husband and their baby girl came over for dinner. They stayed longer than expected and the 10-month-old baby was getting sleepy, but they hadn’t brought pajamas. “I have some!” I exclaimed, with glee. I had saved several pairs of my children’s pajamas and washed them for my new granddaughter. Soon she was wearing a blue and red sports outfit that my son wore 26 years ago. Seeing her in the old jammies made me happy. My children then gently suggested that I could donate the rest of their old clothes to charity, and I agreed. But, I’m still keeping the boxes of their papers from elementary school. You never know when suddenly those papers will become valuable collector’s items! My granddaughter wearing her uncle’s jammies

Filed Under: blog

Midlife Cabernet: Where have all the Lyrics Gone?

April 21, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

If you need proof that we are doomed as a civilized society, just read the lyrics of the most popular songs. That will inspire you to give away your possessions to go live in the forest and wistfully play a flute beside a mountain stream.

At the risk of sounding like a crusty, crabby curmudgeon, I regretfully lament the disappearance of quality lyrics in pop culture. With apologies to Pete Seeger’s original song, I ask “Where have all the lyrics gone?” Over the past 50 years, we’ve digressed from “I want to hold your hand” to “If I eat you like a cannibal ain’t nothing to it gangsta rap made me do it.”

The Number One song of 1964 was You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling performed by the Righteous Brothers. The opening lyrics were poignant:

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips.

And there’s no tenderness like before in your fingertips.”

One of the tops songs today is Drunk in Love performed by Beyoncé Knowles. Here are some of the lyrics in her top rated song:

We woke up in the kitchen saying “How in the hell did this sh#t happen?”

Nice.

And who wouldn’t be inspired by the creative words of Miley Cyrus singing in her pop tune We Can’t Stop:

To my home girls here with the big butts shaking it like we at a strip club.

Then there is the enchanted melody of HipHop/Rap music. The current number one song Fight the Power by Public Enemy offers this inspirational line:

I’m ready an’ hyped plus I’m amped most of my heroes don’t appear on no stamp.

Here’s the last awful lyric I can type without going blind. It’s from Lady Gaga’s “song” Beautiful, Dirty, Rich:

Beautiful and dirty dirty rich rich we’ve got a redlight pornographic dance fight systematic, honey but we got no money.

I enjoy music that was performed from the late 1960s through the 1980s. The top ten songs from 1980 feature the works of a wide diversity of artists: Blondie, Michael Jackson, Pink Floyd, Bette Midler, Billy Joel, Queen, and Paul McCartney. I’ll play their music any day. Other personal favorites include Procol Harum, Moody Blues, UB40, Carole King, and Norah Jones. I also listen to the music of current singers such as Katy Perry and Adele, and I’m a sucker for the crooners, from Frank Sinatra to Josh Groban.

But before I am pressured to make that final decision to buy a flute and escape to the forest, I’ll head down the freeway playing my favorite music. The perfect driving song is Go West, originally by the Village People but perfected by the Pet Shop Boys. Here are some of the understandable lyrics:

Go West. Life is peaceful there. Go West. In the open air.

Go West. Baby you and me. Go West. This is our destiny.

Today’s blog was fueled by a 2011 Salentein Reserve Malbec from Argentina. The intense aroma of blueberries, violets, and vanilla makes your taste buds wake up and holler “Give me some!” But this is one wine that has a fabulous nose but disappoints with taste. I’ll go back to Cabernet. And good music.

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #midlife, #music, #singers

Today’s Cabernet

April 21, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

Tonight’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2001 Beaucanon Estate Trifecta from Napa Valley. It’s a fabulous fusion of cabernet sauvignon, merlot, and cabernet franc. It was a gift from my daughter and son-in-law, so I don’t know how much it cost, but it’s got a high-roller taste.

Filed Under: blog

Funny Family Feasting

April 21, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

So here’s my beautiful granddaughter happily munching on an avocado. I’m so delighted that she’s following in the family tradition of totally enjoying her food. Reminds me of my days as the pie-eating champion at the University of Idaho during the 1970 Turtle Derby Days.

Filed Under: blog

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