Elaine Ambrose

Today’s political rant was fueled by a marvelous glass of 2004 Merryvale Clone Six Cabernet Sauvignon from Beckstoffer Vineyards in Napa Valley. This wine is so fabulous, smooth, luxurious (and expensive at $95 a bottle) that I’d vote for Larry the Cable Guy if he offered me a glass.

(The following text is taken from an article I wrote that appeared recently in several publications.)Are you suffering from blowhard burnout? Do you start to twitch every time a political advertisement appears on the television? Can you even imagine how the current political pageantry has the Founding Fathers and Mothers spinning in their graves, which by the way, probably has contributed significantly to internal global warming?I surrender. Just show me a ballot now and let me vote. Then I can get back to work and make money so I can pay taxes to pay for all this political puffery. Ultimately, all I want is to relax and watch television and not be assaulted by serious voices who tell me that my vote for him or her is the only path to true salvation. Cue the music, show the waving flag, fade to black.It’s easy to be critical because we have the freedom to complain, protest, and demonstrate without the risk of being run over by a tank. And for every cynic there is an optimistic patriot who passionately believes in our system of democracy. They are the flag-waving heart and soul of our great country. They attend parades, stand up for the National Anthem and hold their babies up to be kissed by compassionate contenders who promise them a free-range chicken in every pot, even though the pot is made in China.Many of the most fervent defenders of our government are those who came from oppressed countries. They were drawn by the promise of hope inscribed on the Statue of Liberty: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” Many new citizens who regularly vote have been denied the right and pleasure of selecting their leaders. They know the United States provides a chance for choice, and even with the flawed and fickle government system, it’s still the best in the world.After a moment of serious thought, maybe it’s time to do something about the electoral system and try and make it better. We the People must demand the necessary changes. Shorten the campaign season. Put stricter laws on campaign contributions. Demand term limits. Require that the people vote on politician’s salary increases and retirement programs. Mandate that politicians show up for work and actually work. Consider merit pay, accountability and performance evaluations. Make them live on a budget and pay taxes. In other words, require our elected officials to live like we do.We need a revolution fueled by voter revenge. Perhaps it’s time to elect a leader for this important movement. Is anyone ready to campaign?

Today’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Bodega Norton Reserva – a Malbec from Argentina. It was less than $15 at Costco. Yes, I know it’s not a snooty wine shop, but Costco carries some great deals on wines that have received a 90 or above rating from Wine Spectator Magazine. Just add a case of wine to your cart full of paper towels and toilet paper. Throw in a jumbo platter of meat and cheese and you’ve got a party.

Don’t you just love April Fool’s Day jokes? My last pregnancy was in 1980 – and a hysterectomy in 1999 pretty much guaranteed that I’ll never again feel that fabulous and frightening faint flutter of a fascinating fetus forming within my female factory.Sunday, I was the keynote speaker at a meeting of 150 college coeds from the University of Idaho and Washington State University. It was a bit intimidating to be the wrinkled crone in the midst of such youth, beauty, and brilliance. I formulated the speech as I drove over 300 miles from Boise to Pullman, Washington. Using the analogy of preparing for the journey of life, I talked about how we all get prepared for the trip: gas in the car, coat, toothbrush, etc., but we still don’t know what obstacles we’ll face before arriving at the final destination. Sure enough, I encountered horrible weather, complete with snow, freezing sleet, rain, and slush. But every so often, the clouds parted and the sun broke through to reveal majestic mountains and blankets of snow that sparkled like sheets of diamonds.I was playing my favorite music – Sarah Brightman, Il Divo, Latin Jazz, Bette Midler, and a collection of movie tunes. There’s something spiritual about driving through the Idaho mountains while listening to the theme song from “Out of Africa.” But the attitude gets downright defiant when Bette starts belting out “I’m Beautiful, Damnit!” I have to use cruise control on that one or I’d be driving 90 miles an hour and fly right off the Whitebird Grade!Just a few miles from my destination, I was getting eager for the six-hour trip to end. Then some idiot passed me on a hill, almost driving me off the road and spraying gravel and slush on the car. And there I was without a cannon attached to the hood so I could blast the rude pest from the road! Ironically, at the first stop light I was directly behind the obnoxious punk. I had two choices: ram the back of his car, rip him out onto the road, and stomp on his ugly head – or laugh. Wisely, I chose to laugh. He was just a kid and had decades ahead of him to worry about jobs, careers, family, and how to drive with sanity. I on the other hand had survived too many decades to fret about such youthful concerns.Anyway, the speech fell into place and we talked about our journeys and the paths we take. Yes, there will be crap, stress, irritating people, and pain, but also there will be brilliant and breathtaking moments of success, beauty, anticipation, and glory. These young women seemed amazed that someone so incredibly old could actually speak without drooling or belching. I saved that for the trip home.

Tonight’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Merryvale Beckstoffer Vineyard red wine from Napa Valley. This wine is a magnificent blend of Cabernet, Merlot, and Cabernet Franc. At $75, it’s a choice between fine wine and a pair of shoes, but it’s my daughter’s birthday so a celebration is in order.

My daughter is celebrating her 30th birthday. How can that be? Wasn’t it only yesterday that I sewed her a little dress to match my own homemade blouse? Didn’t I just tote her in a backpack to explore the great outdoors – and then dig a live wasp out of her mouth? I still remember the piano recitals, the dance exhibits, and the stage performances. I was the obnoxious mother in the front row with the camera. (Now she’s toting her own baby girl… along with the camera and hopes and dreams.)To celebrate her birthday, I took her to “Menopause the Musical.” It’s hilarious and we laughed together. The musical reminded her to enjoy life now before middle age brings the challenges of incontinence, sagging skin, weight gain, memory lapse, and mood swings. After our evening, I was so happy I rushed home to sew us matching outfits. Do you think she’ll be surprised?