Country Girl Goes to the Spa

Idaho’s winter of 2008 lasted about three years, so I recently packed my hide-all black swim suit, new black sandals, and glue-on fake toe nails and headed south to a spa near the ocean.Within the first hour at the resort I stepped into an infinity pond that I thought was polished granite flooring. Too bad I wasn’t wearing my prescription sunglasses or I would have seen the water. Anyway, the dye on the sandals turned my feet into black and white stripes. Luckily, my fake toe tails didn’t come off.I had arranged for a massage the following day and I didn’t want to appear with clown feet, so I decided to walk along the beach and let the sand wear off the dye. The two hour stroll erased some of the black stripes but unfortunately I got a hideous burn from the intense sun. Then the humidity turned my hair into an uncontrollable bush of wire thick enough to hold my keys, a water bottle, and a sassy novel.I arrived the next morning at the spa, greeted by gentle hostesses named Jasmine and Camilla. Once ensconced in a fluffy white robe, I was ushered to the waiting room where chimes were tinkling and scented candles glowed in the dim light. Around me sat the most beautiful women I had ever seen. No, they didn’t sit. They floated in the room with perfect skin, flawless faces, and tight, teeny bodies.They turned in unison to stare as I stumbled into the room, tripped over the bamboo rug, spilled my mango-infused water, and lost two toenails. I sat there with a soaking robe, frizzy hair, black-striped feet, sunburned nose, and stubby toe nails. As I retrieved the errant nails and stuffed them into my pocket, I knew that I had become the court jester in a room of Grecian Goddesses.But, there’s nothing like a 90-minute massage to make all the mental and physical pains go away. The massage therapist applied scented oils to my sunburn, dug her elbows into my aching back, and rubbed my feet with soothing cream. By the end, I wanted to take her home with me. I happily glided back to my room, grateful to feel so good and eager for my next entertaining adventure.