I was raised in a hard-working farm family, and no crying was allowed. We were admonished to be tough and never look like sissies. That’s such bullshit.
There’s a powerful cleansing release that comes with tears. I am not embarrassed or ashamed when I cry, and the only reason I won’t speak at my mother’s funeral next week is because I don’t want the snot running down my chin to be a distraction.
We don’t need medical science to advocate reasons for crying, but it’s good to note that experts agree that stifling tears can be harmful. Sara Courter, a certified wellness counselor, recently wrote in the MindBodyGreen Newsletter:
- Crying is cathartic. By shedding tears we are releasing toxins, pent-up emotions, and easing stress. Crying is an authentic and mortal means of helping ourselves to simply feel better.
- Crying is natural. Some expressions of, say, anger are not natural. Feelings of anger can be manifested as violent actions, and this is not a wholesome way to experience emotions. Crying, on the other hand, is an organic expression of a wide range of emotions. It is the human body’s clever way of seeking release and comfort, naturally, as it always has been. One does not need to identify a particular “reason” for crying. So often we are asked, “Why are you crying?” Well, why not? It’s a natural human expression. It’s not as though you’re running naked down a busy street, crying is not an absurd thing to do so let’s refrain from treating it that way, or from allowing others to make us feel as though it’s absurd.
As a caveat, I don’t endorse endless sniveling. There is a time for a good cry, then a time to blow your nose, pull up your big-girl pants, and then go tackle whatever issues are interrupting your happiness. It doesn’t hurt to find something that makes you laugh: a book, movie, or silly friend. As the old Proverb says, laughter is the best medicine. As this middle-aged writer says, take several doses daily.
As do many teens, I had a contentious relationship with my parents. My father often threatened to send me away to boarding school. I always retorted, “Give me ten minutes to pack.” Now both my parents have passed away, and I wish I had one more chance to give the perfect response: “I don’t want to leave. I’d rather stay and find a reason to laugh with you. Okay?”
Elaine, I was also raised that way also that big boys don’t cry, what a crock. As for not speaking at your moms funeral, I could not do that either and what is sad about that day for me is I can’t remember anything about it, who was at the funeral also what people said to me or at the funeral and to be able to speak at it would have been a lot worse. The days leading up to the funeral I remember but I guess the day of the funeral is the final thing and it is hard for me to remember anything about it. Good Luck and God Bless and we have been praying for you and your family.
You were there for all the hard stuff with your mom, Elaine. I’m glad you’re leaving the speaking at the funeral to someone else. It’s been a long road, and you toughed it out. Time to catch your breath.
Sometimes I have such a raging headache that I feel like crying. And if I do, I feel so much better. I think it’s a generational thing. We didn’t express emotions in my family growing up. I’m trying to be better with my children — but it is hard.
And there is no way I would have tried to speak at my father’s funeral. I could not have done it. But that was okay. It’s okay not to speak. People don’t expect us to be able to do things like that. It’s some unreal set of expectations floating out there — we (or I) expect myself to be able to adhere to.
With you on this Elaine. Crying is such a release. And I firmly believe it isn’t limited to gender either.
The death of each of my parents opened my heart up to them as people in a way I lacked perspective of when they were living, I guess I was too busy seeing them as my mom and dad. Interestingly enough I have come to know a whole different side of them through letters they wrote to each other when they were young, it has made me miss what I didn’t have the foresight to ask about and love them as people outside of their role as parents, it’s been a gift.
Not sure this is accurate but it seems like crying is that release when our emotions get past overload and we are on the edge of physical pain. Like crying from laughing happens right before you are about to not be able to breathe. All processed in the same part of the Brain as physical and emotional pain. Odd connection but it makes sense especially in terms of the release you were talking about. Thanks for the good for thought!