Monday evening, I was scheduled to present a motivational speech to an exclusive, private club in Boise. I wiggled into my dress, gathered my notes, and sashayed to my car with 45 minutes to make a 30 minute drive. The tire was flat.
I take pride in being independent but there are two chores I refuse to learn: how to change a tire and how to use a chainsaw. There are other people who can do those activities far better than I can. And, everyone knows I would cut off at least one appendage if I ever held anything that involved buzzing sharp edges. I buy Band-Aids in bulk because I’ve been known to slice through skin with a dull butter knife. Chainsaws are for loggers and horror movies.
I glared at the flat tire and calculated my options. My husband was at work 40 minutes away. My adult children were all on vacation. My neighbors were gone, and my town didn’t have a taxi service. I called Uber, but the nearest driver was an hour away. I called the woman who had invited me to speak and left a desperate message of apology on her voice mail. Then I called the private club and left another anxious message. By then, it was time to be at the presentation.
An important rule to know: When all else fails, try Facebook. I went online and issued a global plea for a ride. Instantly, friends responded so I took the closest one. I arrive an hour late to the event, but by then all the guests were on their second glass of wine and feeling quite forgiving and jovial. They laughed with me before my first joke, and that’s when I knew all would be okay.
I always carry finger puppets because I use them in speeches and workshops. It’s great fun to cause stuffy engineers to turn into silly schoolboys singing rounds while using finger puppets. My best gimmick is to use finger puppets to transfer hostile, negative thoughts and invite charming, positive encouragement. These cheap but powerful puppets are available in bulk at party stores, and I advise people to keep a few at their desks or in their car.
So, I stood before the group with Monster Puppet telling me in one ear that I was a loser and no one would ever ask me to speak again. Queen Puppet responded with positive affirmations that shit happens and I glow brighter than the morning sun. The banter continued until Monster Puppet ultimately was vanquished. The speech moved into my prepared remarks and ended with applause. Merriment and more drinks ensued.
I begged a ride home and made plans to contact the tire dealer. As I prepared for bed, Monster Puppet snarled that I should learn how to change a tire. Queen Puppet suddenly appeared with a chainsaw and chopped off his head. Unfortunately, my finger is cut again.
I love Queen Puppet! Fabulous blog. Laughing like an unrestrained engineer.
Hi Elaine! Good for you for turning this into such a positive event. I have a motto that says, “Use EVERYTHING!” which basically means that everything that happens to us either makes a great story or a great blog post. You made your event into a great topic for your speech. And I love the idea of the hand puppets…I’ll have to get me some of those. ~Kathy
Fun way to turn a negative into a positive. Plus, I love finger puppets. Also, thanks to lug nuts being tightened with power drills, even if you knew how to change a tire, odds are very good that you wouldn’t have been physically capable of doing so. So don’t feel bad about that.
I would love to watch you using those. That’s something so innovative and brave. Respect.
Anita
I remember the finger puppets from the BAM Conference and I took a photo of you and your puppets! I still have it…hold on a sec. Holy crap, Elaine! I am a horrible friend. You probably think I am a total asshole! I forgot the book until reading this story. I’ve had no reason to use my computer case again and it’s been in there since the damn conference! I can’t believe I forgot it because I really wanted to read it. I was feeling really sick by the end of that day and skipped out early. I never gave it another thought. I promise I am starting it tonight and not putting it down until it’s finished then I am going straight to Amazon and Goodreads and leaving a review. I apologize you were nice enough to give it to me, I feel horrible.
Isn’t Facebook great for that sort of thing?! Better than hitchhiking, that’s for sure! Glad it all turned out so well. Grace under pressure!
Love this. And yes, while I (generally) consider myself an independent woman, I have told my husband (repeatedly) that his primary purpose is killing bugs and changing tires. (Despite the fact that I am better with power tools than he is.)
Neither one of us should be trusted with running blades.
Years of membership to AAA all become worthwhile when a tire needs to be changed! Visiting from the link Rena provided to this post – and so glad that I did. Your last line made me laugh loudly enough that I may have woken our house guests!
Changing a tire isn’t that hard but it’s definitely never something I want to do myself! Like you said, there are people out there who can do it better and faster than I can. Thanks for sharing!