I’m 56 and pregnant!

Don’t you just love April Fool’s Day jokes? My last pregnancy was in 1980 – and a hysterectomy in 1999 pretty much guaranteed that I’ll never again feel that fabulous and frightening faint flutter of a fascinating fetus forming within my female factory.Sunday, I was the keynote speaker at a meeting of 150 college coeds from the University of Idaho and Washington State University. It was a bit intimidating to be the wrinkled crone in the midst of such youth, beauty, and brilliance. I formulated the speech as I drove over 300 miles from Boise to Pullman, Washington. Using the analogy of preparing for the journey of life, I talked about how we all get prepared for the trip: gas in the car, coat, toothbrush, etc., but we still don’t know what obstacles we’ll face before arriving at the final destination. Sure enough, I encountered horrible weather, complete with snow, freezing sleet, rain, and slush. But every so often, the clouds parted and the sun broke through to reveal majestic mountains and blankets of snow that sparkled like sheets of diamonds.I was playing my favorite music – Sarah Brightman, Il Divo, Latin Jazz, Bette Midler, and a collection of movie tunes. There’s something spiritual about driving through the Idaho mountains while listening to the theme song from “Out of Africa.” But the attitude gets downright defiant when Bette starts belting out “I’m Beautiful, Damnit!” I have to use cruise control on that one or I’d be driving 90 miles an hour and fly right off the Whitebird Grade!Just a few miles from my destination, I was getting eager for the six-hour trip to end. Then some idiot passed me on a hill, almost driving me off the road and spraying gravel and slush on the car. And there I was without a cannon attached to the hood so I could blast the rude pest from the road! Ironically, at the first stop light I was directly behind the obnoxious punk. I had two choices: ram the back of his car, rip him out onto the road, and stomp on his ugly head – or laugh. Wisely, I chose to laugh. He was just a kid and had decades ahead of him to worry about jobs, careers, family, and how to drive with sanity. I on the other hand had survived too many decades to fret about such youthful concerns.Anyway, the speech fell into place and we talked about our journeys and the paths we take. Yes, there will be crap, stress, irritating people, and pain, but also there will be brilliant and breathtaking moments of success, beauty, anticipation, and glory. These young women seemed amazed that someone so incredibly old could actually speak without drooling or belching. I saved that for the trip home.