I moseyed into the mall this week to find character models for my short stories. With detached amusement, I sat on a bench with a hazelnut latté and a notebook to watch a non-fictional feast of hapless and humorous humanity. After scribbling some colorful descriptions, I stopped to silently give thanks for my age. The visit to this crazy concentration of peculiar people provided great clarity for why I love life after 50. Here are the top ten reasons:
10. My children are grown and successful so there is no way in hell I’ll ever drag screaming, sticky kids to the mall and juggle strollers that are SO big they should have license plates and turn signals.
9. I’m maturely secure in my appearance with clean hair, sensible shoes and butt-covering jeans so I’ll never need to slouch down the hallway like a Gruesome Goth Zombie and pretend to be uber-cool because my earlobes have imbedded rings that are large enough to measure servings of spaghetti.
8. Feral packs of chattering, gum-smacking, orange-haired, nose-ringed schoolgirls won’t ask me to join them.
7. I’ve moved beyond the manic woman skittering across the floor wearing pointed, high-heeled shoes with a tailored suit, clutching a bulging briefcase, shoving a pretzel into her mouth, and desperately pleading into a cell phone about the urgent need to find Charles and upload a new presentation because the damn meeting is in one hour and ohmygod this is a crisis!
6. I’ve earned money for several decades and not squandered it on youthful indiscretions so if I want to donate to charity and/or buy a pair of shoes I can and I will.
5. The over-made-up makeup ladies at Dillard’s and Macy’s never pester me for a “quick touch-up” because this face has so many well-earned laugh lines that no miracle powder can ever conceal them in less than an hour.
4. I can laugh at the posters of voluptuous, flat-bellied models in the window at Victoria’s Secret because I know they have only 10 more years before gravity wins.
3. I don’t need to purchase tampons, baby formula, birth control pills, maternity clothes, or anything that has a Hello Kitty logo.
2. I refuse to wander aimlessly and bump into people and walls while looking down to fiddle with a cell phone.
And, the Number One Reason to Love Life after 50 (cue drum roll): I can leave the madness of the mall and go home to Studley’s loving arms and we don’t need to close the bedroom door.
Rimshot.
Today’s blog is fueled by a 2009 Cinder blend of Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot from local Snake River Cellars. It’s quite yummy to share at a festive family dinner, and at $35 dollars a bottle, it’s a great way to celebrate the fabulosity of your vintage years! Find the Cinder Wines web site for more information.
