Wouldn’t it be great if you asked your doctor how to deal with menopausal symptoms and she told you to eat plenty of chocolate and blueberry scones, and then wash it all down with copious amounts of red wine? Unfortunately, we’ve all lived long enough to know that life doesn’t work out that way, and when it comes to combating the effects of menopause, you’ll be advised to eat a different kinds of foods, namely those that are healthy.
Yes, menopause may bring a gaggle of gruesome maladies, including hot flashes, dull skin, memory loss, and flatulence, but chocolate, flakey baked good, and dry wine won’t do anything to ease the pain (at least in the long run). Fortunately, there are some foods that will:
Increase your soy intake. Recent studies indicate that middle-aged women who consumed at least three soy products a day reported positive benefits for their hearts and bones. Soy protein also can improve skin, hair, and nails. Once considered a tasteless waste of chewing, today’s soy products include flavorful foods, such as soy cereal and roasted soy nuts. Soy products also can reduce hot flash frequency.
Fish fat makes you fabulous. Studies show that middle-aged people who consumed omega-3 fats on a regular basis scored higher on memory tests. These fats can be found in flaxseed, salmon, sardines, tuna, and in fish oil supplements.
Drink green tea. Rich in antioxidants, green tea is good for strong bones and a healthy heart. Studies show that several cups of green tea every day can decrease the risk of stroke by 69 percent. You’ll also get your exercise by running to the bathroom all day.
Cool it on the hot sauce. If you live anywhere south of the North Pole, you’ll probably suffer from hot flashes and night sweats. To help alleviate the problem, eliminate spicy foods and caffeine from your diet. Eat more fresh vegetables and fruit, and don’t go to bed on a full stomach.
Fight flatulence. Sudden and uncontrollable flatulence is another cruel trick from Middle-aged Mother Nature. To help control symptoms, reduce the consumption of gas-producing foods such as green vegetables and beans. Don’t gulp food because you swallow air and it has to get out somehow. Also, don’t drink too much soda because the carbonation will create little tubas that like to toot every time you bend over.
Hydrate your health. Drink six to eight glasses of water every day to help keep your skin clear and supple. Water also can reduce problems associated with cramping and constipation. And, nobody wants to be remembered as the cramping, bloated, wrinkled old woman who didn’t drink enough water.
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Today’s Cabernet
Tonight’s blog was fueled by a lovely glass or 2005 Ferrari-Carano Cabernet Sauvignon from Alexander Valley. It’s about $33 dollars a bottle, but I was in a festive mood after my fun book premiere. The wine is elegant and rich with flavors of black currant and cherry. I sipped and savored the taste and the memory.
Gratitude and Attitude
One of my most favorite, hug-myself-silly memories of my life happened Friday, 8-8-08. Over 100 family members and friends attended the national premiere party for Menopause Sucks. We enjoyed live music, tasty appetizers, and irreverent excerpts from my book. The event provided a marvelous moment to express some heartfelt gratitude and sassy attitude.The “Kiss My Attitude” menu included Whine and Cheese Plate, Crabby Cakes with No-Sweat Sauce, Crazy Lady Fruit Plate, PMS Pita with Hot Flash Humus, Wild Woman Won Tons with Sassy Sauce, Empty Nest Salad with Vixen Veggies, and Memory Loss Mousse. Delightful drinks were Friends Forever Frozen Wine, Wrinkle-free White Wine, and Road Rage Red Wine.My daughter, son, and son-in-law helped with crowd control and money gathering (both important activities.) And, my fabulous granddaughter charmed and entertained everyone. As I read from the book, my brave 27-year-old son attempted to hide under a table, especially when I shared some snippets about vaginal dryness, midlife sex, and hairy toes. Perhaps therapy is in order.
Midlife Cabernet: Keep on Dancing through Life
The small advertisement appeared as a nugget of nostalgia between the like-new drum set and the antique piano: “1970s jukebox. Works sometimes. $100 or best offer.” For a brief, irrational moment, I considered buying it. Then I remembered that my smart phone contained more music than a jukebox, and it fit better in my pocket.
Jukeboxes are unwanted relics of an ancient era, the true Happy Days. Our generation turned out the lights on our parent’s bugle boys as they wrapped stardust melodies with a string of pearls. We preferred the uncomplicated, steady beat of “Louie, Louie” and could buy it from a Wurlitzer with bubbling lights. Now the ability to instantly download any song at any time means that people miss the memorable magic of the jukebox experience.
I remember plunking in coins and pushing the buttons to hear songs from the 1960s. As teenagers wearing loafers and sweater sets, we eagerly watched as a vinyl record was mechanically pulled from the stack and placed on the spinning turntable. Then the needle swiveled over to latch into the grove to produce the sound. For farm kids in Wendell, this was as close as we would ever get to the live band.
On the checkered tile floors in the crowded cafés of our youth, we danced the Pony and the Twist and the Watusi as our pony tails bounced and dour chaperones scowled in disapproval from the sidelines. We never questioned the inane lyrics of “Wooly Bully” from Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs, and we wailed with Lesley Gore singing “It’s My Party.” Everything changed when disco assaulted our rock and roll senses with mirrored balls and jerky movements. But, still, we danced.
During the early 1970s, we rode in the backs of pickup trucks with the music blaring over portable radios and we vowed to never get old. When we danced, we shouted “Hot Stuff” along with Donna Summer. Our luckier friends owned cars with 8-track tape players, and we traveled further away from our collections of scratchy vinyl records and electricity-dependent jukeboxes.
The 1980s tempered our free spirits as many of us married and had children. When we had the opportunity to dance, it was to the music of Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” and the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams.” The jukeboxes were relegated to collectors and antique stores, and our cars replaced cassette tape players with CD players. Those of us with small children suffered through ghastly songs from a demented dinosaur named Barney and sweet songs from Raffi until we rebelled and taught our kids classics, such as “A Horse with No Name” by the band America.
Dance music lost its way during the 1990s when the most popular song was the “Macarena” by Los Del Rio. It was stupid and we refused to do it. Things didn’t improve in 2000 when hip hop substituted rhythm and lyrics with noise and profanity. Yes, we were aging and becoming the old farts we used to pity. Most of us just wanted the simplicity of good dance songs, and we were sustained with ageless musicians, including Elton John, the Rolling Stones, and Tina Turner.
The husky tones of a new voice brought hope in 2010 when Adele introduced “Rolling in the Deep” and Katy Perry ignited the air with “Firework.” We could dance to those songs.
We don’t ride in the back of pickup trucks anymore, and we’ve broken our pledge to never get older. By now, some of us resemble the shape of the old jukeboxes. But, we still refuse to be the grumpy sourpusses muttering in the corner. We want music and we will dance. A little slower now, but we will dance.
Today’s blog was fueled by a splendid 2010 Rombauer Vineyards Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa Valley. The excellent wine was a gift from my daughter and her husband at a celebration that included wine, laughter, and dancing.
Today’s Cabernet
Today’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Frei Brothers Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon from Alexander Valley. This full-bodied wine combines yummy flavors of dark berries, eucalyptus, sweet vanilla and toasty oak. It’s on sale at Albertsons for $18 (usually $22), so we’re having it tonight with a family BBQ. I hope there’s some left by the time everyone gets here.
Midlife Cabernet: Labels are for Food, not People
Read the label on a tub of frozen whipped topping and you’ll discover that the sweet treat contains enough chemical ingredients to eventually explode your internal organs. Assorted labels that describe me include left-handed, menopausal, witty, and Presbyterian. Any one of my identities could offend someone, but I’m still less toxic than Cool Whip.
It’s important for food to be labeled because you should know if the product you are buying to feed your family contains Polysorbate 60 – a chemically-derived emulsifier in Cool Whip that is linked to organ toxicity, chronic diarrhea, and tumors in laboratory rats. This fluffy concoction that looks so appealing in a Jell-O parfait also has synthetic wax, hydrogenated oils, and high fructose corn syrup. Just eat poison instead.
Labeling people is another matter, unless you intend to eat them. (In that case, find another blog.) Consider all the common labels that are used to classify people: liberal, conservative, divorced, elderly, teenage, politician, priest, or policeman. Every title prompts an opinion. When we meet someone for the first time, we instinctively process a conclusion when we learn that the person is either a ballerina or a mechanic. It shouldn’t matter unless we need some work done on our car.
We are living in a hateful bullying era that assigns negative labels to people for political or personal gain: loser, retarded, idiot, racist. Want to stop a lively, intelligent debate? Call someone a racist when there is no proof. Want to prove you have no decency? Call a mentally challenged person retarded. There is not enough soap to wash out the filthy mouths and minds of those who hurl destructive labels just to be cruel or to appear tough.
So, here is today’s assignment. Write down as many positive labels are you can: winner, smart, grateful, spirited, strong, loyal, talented, friendly, helpful, charming, dedicated, and spiritual. Use these descriptions liberally when talking to and about people. You’ll discover that others want to hear what you have to say, and they appreciate your positive attitude. They also want to be your friend.
This blog was prompted by some nasty comments made this week on social media sites. Normally sane friends clamored on Facebook that all Republicans (or Democrats or left-handed Christians) are idiots and morons. But, these zealots don’t realize that their friends might have similar beliefs to what is being criticized. If you want to call me a moron, please be able to substantial your claim. Otherwise, be careful about what labels you assign to others in public rants, or you could languish alone eating from tubs of toxic Cool Whip.
By the way, real whipped cream has three real ingredients: fresh cream, a sprinkle of sugar and a splash of real vanilla. Authentically delicious.
Today’s blog was fueled by a 2005 Sawyer Cellars Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa Valley. This vibrant, complex, and exquisite estate wine was a gift from the awesome Gretchen Anderson. Good friends share good wine. I should invite her over for some peach pie with real whipped cream…
