Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

Blog

Midlife Cabernet: Will my Power Cord Work in a Cave?

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I’m being pressured to throw away all electronic devices and go live in a cave in the forest. The one instigating the rebellion is the tiny voice that sporadically echoes through the cob webs in my middle-aged brain and whispers, “They’re all out to destroy you. Run away now.”

The current wave of frustration was caused by a few exasperating problems: my credit card number was fraudulently taken and used to purchase sports equipment in Delaware and a tourist trip to Australia. Then my cell phone died. Then my computer got a virus and went black while I was working on an important project. If I lived in a cave, I’d never experience these annoyances.

It took several days to deal with the issues. My computer returned from the repair shop with a perfect screen and a hefty repair bill. The credit card company canceled the card and the debts, and my cell phone just needed to be recycled. A 10-year-old child could have handled all these problems while simultaneously creating a video and texting 100 of her/his closest friends.

It’s a challenge to keep up with technology, especially because I grew up thinking a keyboard was on a piano, a ram was in the pasture, a cookie was something to eat, and the one telephone in the house was attached to the wall. I wrote papers and short stories on a manual typewriter and was positively giddy to get an IBM Selectric typewriter. Now I take my Ipad on vacation and input, format, copy, and insert my blog with attached pictures onto the World Wide Web. Amazing.

All this marvelous technology that allows me to instantly research facts, pay bills online, book an airline flight, and watch a video on my cell phone also attracts evil scoundrels who steal credit card numbers and send malicious viruses through the Internet. The answer is to spend more time with my small grandchildren. They know how to download an app for that.

Midlife Cabernet: You want Dinner EVERY Night?

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I grew up on a farm, so dinner was thrown on the table after the chores were done. My mother’s weekly menu included baked hams, turkeys, beef roasts, and chickens accompanied with side dishes of mashed potatoes, gravy, creamed peas, buttered corn, bread, and cobbler. With ice cream. The quantity surpassed the quality, but we were not undernourished or skinny.

I worked outside the home when my kids were little, so dinner was whatever I could concoct before bedtime. “Look kids, we get chicken nuggets again tonight! Let’s arrange them in a marching band through the ketchup!” One evening all I could find was a pound of sausage so I made the ever-popular SOS – browned meat with flour and milk poured over toast. With an opened jar of peaches and some straggly carrots, we covered the four basic food groups.

Now my grown daughter is health conscious, and her children eat perfect portions of organic food. My granddaughter recently asked me if I had some kale, and I had to do a quick search on the Internet to discover what she meant. “No kale here, Sweetheart. Would you like a cookie?”

I don’t like having the pressure to be the best cook. With the right motivation or holiday, I can whip up a delicious prime rib roast or an authentic Italian chicken parmesan. But it’s the daily expectation of meals that really annoys me.

“You want dinner again tonight? What am I, a short order cook?”

Actually, Studley and I have a reciprocal agreement. One cooks and the other washes dishes. It works for us, and I usually win because when I cook I have a tendency to mess up every pot and pan in the entire kitchen. Then after dinner I sit back with a glass of wine and watch him work. It’s great fun.

Today’s Cabernet

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Tonight’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Robert Mondavi Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa Valley. This is one of my favorite wines – velvety and smooth with flavors of blackberry, mocha and spice. At about $25 a bottle, it is better than many wines twice the cost. I found it at my new favorite wine place in Eagle. It’s called Seasons, and I already have my chosen seat.

Today’s Cabernet

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Tonight’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Q Cabernet Sauvignon from Sonoma County. This rich, inexpensive wine is a pleasant staple to have on hand. It costs $18 a bottle, but this week Albertsons has it on sale for $11. You better stock up now for summer barbecues. Invite some buddies and kick back with grilled steaks, green salad, a platter of veggies and a glass (or two) of Q. Mmmmm, good!

Midlife Cabernet: How to Avoid the Pending Doom of Civilization

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If we only relied upon the gruesome stories and gloomy reports in the media, most of us would trade our good silver for canned goods and a case of wine and then escape to a private bunker in the wilderness. We have visions of becoming the leather-clad, weapon-wielding character of Tina Turner in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. But most of us could never bend over long enough to fix all the laces and latches on those boots!

Before you feel the pressure to exchange your designer purses for backpacks and trade the cutlery set for Bowie knives, try turning off the news, shutting down the alarmists web sites, and closing the negative magazines. Unplug and walk away from paranoid and exaggerated pessimism that seems to seep like a toxic sludge from every media outlet. Use that time to focus on and participate in all the positive activities in your community and country.

There are volunteer organizations that right now are helping kids learn to read, taking hot meals to lonely senior citizens, building homes for low income families, and assisting special needs children go to school. There are unsung heroes who bring casseroles to widows, donate blood to the local blood bank, and rock sick babies in intensive care. Others are writing inspiring books, composing valiant symphonies, and singing new songs of freedom.

These people don’t make the news. They don’t march in the streets or threaten lawsuits. But they walk among us sharing random acts of goodness. Every day. The next time you have the urge to give up on society and curse the darkness, light a candle and find a cause. And keep the silver.