Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist
http://www.balancemagazine.com/magazines/CurrentIssue.pdf
If you copy and paste the above link you can read the current issue of Balance Magazine. It’s a national publication that promotes personal growth for women. My article, Genuine Happiness – Finding Joy in a Grumpy World, is on page 68.
Chicken parmesan is my family’s favorite meal, and I tackle the process like a woman obsessed. The ritual never varies: First, everyone must leave the kitchen. Then I tie on an apron and continue with the most important task: I open a bottle of red wine. The experience won’t be a success without that important step, and I am under pressure to produce another stellar recipe so who am I to alter the technique?
Then I assemble all the ingredients and take a sip of wine. For the sauce, I sauté fresh onions, red peppers, green peppers, and garlic in extra-virgin olive oil (imported from Italy, of course.) Then I add tomato sauce and let it simmer. The delightful aroma causes Studley to peek into the kitchen but I shoo him away and take another sip of wine.
Then I cut up fresh chicken, dip it in a raw egg mixture, roll it in Italian bread crumbs and shredded fresh parmesan cheese and brown the pieces in olive oil. It takes several pans to brown all the chicken, so I take a few more sips of wine while it cooks. By this time, spattered oil covers the stove, the counters, and my apron. The wine is getting better, so I really don’t care.
Then I spread the simmered sauce into casserole dishes followed by the chicken and layers of sauce, shredded mozzarella cheese, grated parmesan cheese, and more sauce. I cover the pans with tin foil and slide them into an oven heated to 350 degrees for about 45 minutes. Then I sit down to sip wine and ignore the mountain of dirty pans, greasy utensils, empty cheese containers, and spilled bread crumbs that make my kitchen resemble a bad day at an Italian mess hall. It’s usually cleaned up before midnight.
Chicken parmesan tastes better the next day after all the flavors have mingled and the dish has cooled and then reheated. For a splendid dinner, I serve it with more sauce, crusty bread, a vegetable dish, and a green salad. For some reason, the original bottle of wine usually is empty, but there will be another one. For a brief moment at dinner time, all is right with the world.
Tonight’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2001 Col Solare Red Wine from Columbia Valley. This was another fabulous find at Costco. I only purchased two because it was $39 a bottle, but it was gone when I returned to purchase more. Next time, I’ll pass on the 50-roll pack of toilet paper and get more wine.
Yesterday I attended an important strategy meeting at an upscale restaurant with two other businesswomen. During the meal, I accidentally knocked over a glass of wine, soaking my papers, my Ipad, the tablecloth, and the menus. The women continued to discuss the agenda as we calmly moved to another table. My inevitable clumsiness came as no surprise.
I don’t intentionally plan to cause havoc, mayhem, and disruptive behavior, but I’ve been cursed with the exceptional ability to stumble, sprain, break, bruise, and choke my way through life with consistent proficiency. A few true examples show pathetic proof of my accident prone existence:
I broke my foot a few weeks before my son’s wedding so I had to wear a huge black boot. So I covered it with jewels and danced all night.
On a business trip to the east coast for Boise Cascade, I sprained my ankle and tore ligaments and the injury required a visit to the emergency room so it was reported to Workers Comp. My boss was furious because the accident impacted our department’s safety record.
Once I threw a stick to a dog and a splinter impaled a nerve in my finger. My hand swelled and turned black and I needed regular transfusions to battle the ensuing infection. My arm had to be tied above my head on my bedframe, and now my finger remains crooked.
In 2000, I was the Commencement Speaker for the University of Idaho. On the day of the speech, I developed laryngitis. My voice sounded like James Earl Jones doing phone sex.
I was gallantly attempting a high impact exercise class with women half my age and I tripped over some hand weights, resulting in more torn ligaments.
I was the keynote speaker at a large banquet but right before it was my turn to speak I choked on a piece of chicken. The audience waited patiently while I coughed up the offending food, caught my breath, dried my watering eyes, burped, sneezed, and then stood to speak.
One late afternoon when I was skiing at Sun Valley, I flew off the side of a steep trail and landed in a tree on the far side of the mountain. By the time I could unstrap my gear and crawl down, the lift was closed. I had to catch the employee bus into town and then take another bus back to the ski resort where my friends and the Ski Patrol were frantically searching for me. My friends never skied with me again.
Instead of focusing on the negative reality of being awkward, I try to appreciate the positive aspects of surviving any day without calamity or an accident. I have another important business event this weekend and my goal is to go 48 hours without some catastrophe. If I can make it, my friends will be so excited they’ll bring me some wine – in a sippy cup with a lid.
Today’s blog was fueled by a Sabastiani Cabernet, a robust wine from Sonoma County. It’s about $55 a bottle at Bonefish Grill in Boise, and it’s embarrassing and painful to spill a glass. Next time I’ll bring a travel mug.
My childhood home had one bathroom, one black-and-white TV, and one telephone, and I had no idea that we were deprived. Now I can’t go anywhere without my cell phone, my lap top computer, my Ipod, my Ipak pda, my digital camera, and my car with the voice-activated navigational system.Here are a few modern, essential items that help soften the reality of being this old:Ipods. Now we can have all our favorite songs instantly and not have to move the needle and accidentally scratch the spinning record. The only downside is that I listen to my Ipod when I jog on the treadmill at the fitness center. Someone usually has to tell me to quit singing out loud while listening to the Pet Shop Boys.Online Banking. Now we can pay bills without getting a loan to buy stamps.Birds Eye 4-pack frozen peas. These single-serving packets microwave in 1-1/2 minutes so there is NO EXCUSE not to have vegetables with dinner.Bare Minerals Make-up. This “wonder powder” covers facial flaws faster than that old tube of fabric-staining liquid goo called “foundation.”The Comedy Channel. For all recovering news junkies, try watching the Comedy Channel before bed. It’s as good as Johnny Carson used to be. A second favorite irreverent show is Red Eye on the Fox Channel.A Vinturi wine aerator. Look for this great invention at www.vinturi.com. You can pour one fabulous glass of wine without consuming the entire bottle.Free funny computer cards. Go to www.jibjab.com and look for the animated cards that star your friends and you. To laugh until you hurt, watch the “farting birthday” cards.Those are just a few of the new inventions that make life easier. We deserve them.
Tonight’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2000 Merryvale Clone Six Cabernet Sauvignon from Beckstoffer Vineyards in Napa Valley. I joined this wine club while visiting wine country last fall. It’s a real treat to receive quarterly shipments of wonderful wine that I can’t find in Idaho. The Merryvale wine is always superb, and I’ve never been disappointed. And, the UPS guy is always so polite. He still asks for my signature to prove I’m at least 21. What a great guy!This recent shipment came with a note stating the wine would age well for several years. Yeah, right. It won’t see 2009.
