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Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Granny Goes New-Age with Ancient Mantras

August 11, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

bell thailand

After my children grew up (way too quickly) and moved on to make the world a better place, I started a morning ritual of brewing a pot of coffee and reading the newspaper. Over the years, I’ve evolved so now I insert an instant pod of coffee into my coffeemaker and read online sources. That way I can get depressed so much faster.

Lately the news makes me feel mad, agitated, and helpless. Children are beheaded in the name of religion? Neighborhood stores are looted to avenge a shooting? The Ebola virus will kill us soon? And, another tragedy reported this morning: the Aspen trees are dying across the West.

Every now and then a positive story flutters across the news like a cookie crumb. I grab it and wish for the whole cookie. But that brings another item about health issues and how we’re all going to die of obesity, unless we get Ebola first or walk into a convenience store and get shot. I’m considering exchanging my morning coffee for a Bloody Mary. Or two.

So, I switched from the news to my favorite blogs. I knew my midlife friends could add some perspective and wit to brighten my mood, but I got immersed in the Mommy Bloggers. They’re funny and edgy, but sometimes I cringe at their victimhood, and I want to retort, “Buck up, Sisters, and cuddle that screaming toddler before he packs his bag and moves out.” I’d like to remind them that they will live longer without their children than with them. And soon those perky boobs will be swinging down at their bulging waist and their tight necks will resemble a dryer hose.

My daughter knows I’m addicted to the morning news, so she gently suggested I try a morning meditation. Though I grew up during the Age of Aquarius, I chose to avoid the hippie movement and selected the path of college degree and full-time job. That decision proved to be correct and enabled my children to have new clothes and orthodontic treatments. Being still to meditate seemed like new-age silliness, and everyone knows I can’t sit quietly. Oh look, there’s a squirrel!

But today, after becoming enraged at the photo taken by a proud father of his 7-year-old son holding a man’s severed head, I shut down the news feed and enrolled in a three-week meditation course led by Deepak Chopra and Oprah. I was skeptical at first, especially when told to be still and silently repeat a Sanskrit Mantra “Ananda Hum” – I am Bliss. I almost fell asleep, but then the mantra continued to whisper in my brain. I peeked open one eye to make sure no one was watching, then I returned to the mantra. After 15 minutes – a lifetime – I was totally relaxed. I even felt sad when a bell chimed and the mediation was over. Reality set in: It’s Monday. Time to do laundry.

I’ll admit that the meditation was lovely, and I intend to repeat it tomorrow on my patio sitting beneath the little bell I got years ago in Thailand. The bell has been hanging patiently on my arbor, waiting for me to appreciate its simple significance. My goal today is to fret less and seek happiness more. And, I intend to pray for peace and to buy some Aspen trees to plant.

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #meditation, #midlife, #oprah

Midlife Cabernet: Learning from the World’s Great Chefs

August 7, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

Making Sand Pies  (Click on this cute video)

elaine italy cook tour crop (2)           brooke sand box crop (2)

A few years ago, I traveled on a cooking tour of Italy and learned how to make authentic dishes with acclaimed Chefs Antonia and Giulianna at the Villa Serego Alighieri near Verona. The property, surrounded by vineyards, olive trees, and fruit orchards, has been in the family of the great Italian poet Dante Alighieri (Dante’s Inferno) since the year 1353. This week, I learned how to make sand pies from chef Baby Boo in her parent’s back yard surrounded by a tree fort, miscellaneous mismatched shoes, and assorted toys. She has inspired creative recipes since 2012.

I treasured both experiences, but I must admit that the concoction presented by Baby Boo was less fattening and easier to fix than the elaborate Tuscan Cappelletti we made with fresh pasta, artisan cheeses, and red sauce that required several hours to prepare. The distinct advantage of the Italian cuisine is that the meal was paired with a luscious Amarone wine. The sandbox pies only need water and a towel. And, my son and daughter-in-law gently suggest I forgo wine while I’m tending their precious daughter.

Watching my wee granddaughters at play brings moments of delight just as enjoyable as a grand feast on a linen-covered table set in a European orchard. The little girls continually erupt with laughter as they create spontaneous inventions: a large scarf becomes a baby carrier for a stuffed owl, a wooden fort transforms into a sailboat navigating the open sea, and a sprinkler on top of a sheet of plastic causes a giggle-factory. Rumor has it that Tutu (the name they call me) is good for telling tale tales and bringing real cookies, so I’m included in the fun.

The little girls enjoyed this summer outside – camping in the Idaho Mountains, splashing on the Oregon Coast, and boating on an alpine lake. They brought along their parents just to drive and pay for everything. The girls also know how to do a Google search to download an app and store it in their personal folder on my cell phone, but they are just as happy exploring the world without electronics. For that, I am grateful.

On another cooking tour to South Africa, I learned how to use exotics spices to duplicate the rich and flavorful food of Cape Town with Chef Cass Abrahams.  She taught the value of fresh herbs and spices, including cinnamon, garlic, cloves, cardamom, nutmeg, fennel, mustard seed, saffron, turmeric, curry, and ginger root. My granddaughters are just as dedicated with their creations and prefer to mix light sand with dirt, pebbles, twigs, stray bugs, and water from the hose to form a paste that is almost impossible to remove from under their fingernails. But, their devotion to their art is just as serious as that of the grand chefs mastering their cultural cuisine. I can only smile with gratitude when handed either a grilled kebab marinated in garlic and chutney sauce or a sloppy mud pie.

The vibrant chefs I’ve met love to cook, and their exquisite recipes are their gifts to their families, to the community, and to the world. They celebrate the noble feast and know that life is better when breaking bread with friends. My granddaughters have taught me the simple pleasure of making sandbox pies and mud cakes. They, too, share an exuberant appreciation for creative play and wholesome activity. They nourish my soul.

 

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #acookstour, #cooking, #grandchildren, #midlife, #midlifecabernet

Women, Words, and Wine Writers Retreat – Sept. 19-21

August 3, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

This event is sold out.

Filed Under: events

Write by the River Wellness and Writing Retreat – Oct. 3-5

August 3, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

 

http://www.eventbrite.com/e/write-by-the-river-wellness-retreat-for-women-tickets-12677471659

Write_BY_THE_RIVER_(1)

photo 3      cabin inside

Imagine a fun weekend in the mountains with other women who want to focus on fitness and writing while having fun! Retreat includes five meals, snacks, writing materials, cooking demonstrations, organized activities, workshops, accommodations, and free time.

Certified fitness instructor and wellness coach Emily Nielsen and published author and syndicated blogger Elaine Ambrose have created a tempting schedule:

  • Food preparation demonstrations, group participation, and healthy meals: two dinners, one lunch, two breakfasts, snacks
  • Writing workshops: Personal Journal, (optional) Writing for Children, Mommy Blogs, Tell Your Story
  • Wellness activities: Morning exercise, Meditation, Writing, (optional) Hiking, Hot Springs, Reading, Quiet Time
  • Deluxe accommodations for two nights in a deluxe cabin with shared bedrooms and shared bathrooms.

ONLY $150! Copy, paste, and click on the Eventbrite link to register today.

DAY-ONLY OPTION AVAILABLE FOR SATURDAY, OCT. 4 – Includes breakfast, cooking            demonstration, lunch, writing workshop, and wellness activity. Only $75.

Space is limited to 12 for the weekend and 20 for Saturday only.

Cabins are located in a secluded, pristine area near the South Fork of the Payette River in Garden Valley, just one hour’s drive north of Boise. Expect to see wild elk, deer, fox, eagles, and osprey.

– See more at: https://elaineambrose.com/blog/escape-the-angst-join-us-for-a-writing-and-wellness-retreat-oct-3-5/#sthash.uUP65tfU.dpuf

Filed Under: events Tagged With: #wellness, #women, #writingretreat

Midlife Cabernet: Cruising the Slow Lane

July 31, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

image [Read more…] about Midlife Cabernet: Cruising the Slow Lane

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #humor, #Idaho, #midlife

Publishers Weekly Says Midlife Cabernet is “Laugh-out-Loud Funny”

July 29, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

GION COMICS AUDIO WEB EXCLUSIVE PW SELECT SEARCH

Midlife Cabernet: Life, Love & Laughter After Fifty

Elaine Ambrose. Mill Park Publishing, $12 paper (224p) ISBN 978-0-9883980-7-8
Ambrose faces the frights, frustrations, and fancies of aging in this refreshingly honest and laugh-out-loud funny survival guide for middle-aged women. Infusing her prose with sarcastic dark humor, the author offers homespun recommendations on dating and sex, raising adult children, and the physical effects of aging—all with brazen cheer. From stressful divorces and facing Christmas alone to disastrous sexual misadventures nothing is sacred or off limits. The author’s prose is lively and entertaining, with statements like “one of the many advantages of living in the last third of life is that I don’t accept crap from anyone.” Sure to be irritated and edified, women over 40 will find a lot to like here.
Reviewed on: 07/28/2014
Release date: 03/01/2014
RELATED
  • More about Elaine Ambrose
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  • More in Reviews -> Nonfiction

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #elaineambrose, #midlifecabernet, #publishersweekly

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