My daughter is celebrating her 30th birthday. How can that be? Wasn’t it only yesterday that I sewed her a little dress to match my own homemade blouse? Didn’t I just tote her in a backpack to explore the great outdoors – and then dig a live wasp out of her mouth? I still remember the piano recitals, the dance exhibits, and the stage performances. I was the obnoxious mother in the front row with the camera. (Now she’s toting her own baby girl… along with the camera and hopes and dreams.)To celebrate her birthday, I took her to “Menopause the Musical.” It’s hilarious and we laughed together. The musical reminded her to enjoy life now before middle age brings the challenges of incontinence, sagging skin, weight gain, memory lapse, and mood swings. After our evening, I was so happy I rushed home to sew us matching outfits. Do you think she’ll be surprised?
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Menopause Sucks in July
Today I heard from my publisher – Menopause Sucks will be released on July 8, 2008. I got so excited that I spontaneously burst into an authentic Zulu tribal celebration dance, which is interesting because I’ve never seen such a dance. However, I did attend many barn dances and hootenannies back in Wendell, Idaho.Anyway, I co-authored this book with bestselling author Joanne Kimes. In case you want to know what important topics are covered in this serious book, here’s a preview:Jumping Off Your Mood SwingHow to Milk Your Emotions to Get What You WantTender, Traveling TittiesCoping with ConstipationIncredible IncontinenceVexing Vaginal DrynessHow to Tell if You’re Forgetful or Heading for the Looney BinHow New Shoes Can Prevent Brain AtrophyHow to Talk Dirty and Go from Ice Queen to Horn Dog!Now You Can Sneeze, Fart, and Wet Your Pants – All at the Same Time!How to Survive Menopause without Killing AnyoneYahoo! It’s Time to Toss the Tampons and Burn the Birth Control Pills!Yes, those are just some of the interesting and enlightening subjects in this great literary work. You can pre-order the book on Amazon.com. Just click on the link at the left. Or, plan on coming to one of the premiere parties this summer. Schedule to be announced.
Today’s Cabernet
Tonight’s blog was fueled by JUST ONE glass of 2005 “Q” Cabernet Sauvignon from Sonomoa County. The wine is only around $18 a bottle and has a strong flavor of bing cherry. Thus it serves as my fruit for the day.
Oprah’s Class Hurts My Brain
Every Monday evening for seven more weeks you can be part of a live online class presented by Oprah and the author of the book A New Earth – Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. I decided to sign up for the class because I’m curious to know if my life’s purpose involves more than driving fast, telling stories, and drinking red wine. Besides, I’m starting to worry about this age thing – I feel like I’m treading water in the deep and desperate end of the age pool, my body is falling apart, and my brain can’t remember the ingredients for a BLT.Last night’s class took about 90 minutes, so I poured a glass of wine and settled in with my copy of the book and the worksheets (available on oprah.com.) Eckhart Tolle, the author, explained some profound facts, such as “Worry pretends to be necesssary, but serves no useful purpose.” I was contemplating his words and was on the verge of one of Oprah’s “ah-ha” moments when he started talking about the ego. “Your ego lives in a constant state of not enough. The ego makes us over-eat, over-spend, and over-indulge.” Instead of being enlightened, I was convicted. Why was he talking about me? I sipped my wine and pondered his words. Then Oprah took a call from a woman in Berlin who claimed that the book had saved her life and helped her to stop drinking so much wine. My immediate reaction was to demand a refund for the class, take my wine and walk out. But, I didn’t have to pay for it and I was already home, so I kept listening. The author extolled the virtues of consciously enjoying a single glass of wine every now and then. Only one at a time! Every now and then! That’s like eating one M&M! Or one potato chip! Who can do that?Well, by the end of the class I had a better understanding of the author’s advice. Here are some of his other statements:”Treat rude people as royalty and then watch them change.” “The primary moment in your life is NOW. Accept it as it is.””Some people are addicted to the energy of unhappiness. Ego loves drama.”These statements make me think – so much that it hurts my brain. I have to rest it now and go have only one glass of wine. (He didn’t say how big the glass could be so maybe I’ll use a glass mixing bowl. But, I will contemplate and savor the experience and consciously enjoy every indulgent sip.) – See more at: http://www.test.elaineambrose.com/blog/oprahs-class-hurts-my-brain#sthash.Ut3VoIgT.dpuf
Midlife Cabernet: Enjoy a Family Vacation without Drama or Trauma
You’ve seen the advertisements that feature glossy photos of deliriously happy families laughing together on vacation. Keep in mind that these people are paid strangers and will never see each other again. For a sobering reality check, remember that a high number of shootings and stabbings occur during family holiday events. Plan wisely.
We recently returned from the best family vacation of my entire long and well-traveled life. There were eleven people, including my two children and their spouses, their five giggling little girls, Studley and me. We were like a football team but without the private jet. Our mission was to leave the country, have a splendid time, and return alive. Touchdown and score!
Here are some key points to consider when attempting a family vacation:
- Plan ahead. We made reservations for hotel and airline tickets seven months in advance. Even with advance planning, we were all scrambling to get packed a few hours before departure.
- Get or update passports if you’re leaving the country. One dilemma: my son and his wife had a new baby but she still needed a passport. The rules state that no one else can be in the passport photo so he had to hold up her tiny body with one hand. She looks like a puppet on a stick, and that passport is good for five years.
- Pack lightly. Studley and I just roll up hand-washable clothes and travel with carryon bags only. Of course, parents with kids need twenty extra pieces of luggage just for diapers and electronic gear. Traveling light is just another advantage of being older.
- Include workout shoes and clothes. Most hotels have gyms so you can exercise before and after enjoying insane quantities of piña coladas and nachos. And walking in the sand along the beach really tones those legs as you head to town for some coconut gelato.
- Do you own activities. Studley and I left to golf one day and we rode horses on the beach another day. The adults shared babysitting duties so each couple could relax without bringing a pacifier or an animated puppet show. Then we all got together for meals and playing on the beach.
- Get professional photographs. It sounds cheesy, but the resorts do a good job of organizing family photographs. We’re pleased with the results because our phones just don’t take quality photos.
- There will be some drama. At any given time, at least one of the five children was crying, pouting, or attempting to run away. But after a few margaritas the adults didn’t care.
- One important rule of life: Enjoy the beauty of where you are. We stayed at a lovely resort on the beach in Cabo, Mexico. A week later, I can still hear the laughter of my granddaughters playing in the waves, feel the motion of the ocean, taste the delicious fresh sea bass dinner, and visualize the full moon reflecting over the water. Savor those memories, and use them as a catalyst for planning the next trip.
During my childhood, we had one family vacation. My parents took their three children to Disneyland but they couldn’t tolerate the crowds so we left early and drove non-stop home to Idaho. I’ve always felt cheated, until last week. We had an amazing time, and I’m grateful.
Today’s blog was fueled by a 2010 Decoy Zinfandel from Duckhorn Wine Company in Sonoma County. Have several bottles on hand to celebrate the beauty of life. It’s $38 a bottle at Crush Wine Bar in Eagle – but only $32 if you join the wine club. Of course, I did.
Midlife Cabernet: Dealing with Death, Taxes, and Independence
Spring 2013 brought the daunting, predictable realities of death and taxes that were offset by the joyful introduction of a spunky baby girl who has her father’s nose, my chin, and her own delightful energy. This week we attended a family funeral, I compiled another bulging box of documents for my beleaguered tax accountant, and I unpacked our family’s 108-year-old Christening gown for my new granddaughter to wear.
Sometimes death has no sting.
The family funeral became a memorial celebration of life for my husband’s father. He died at age 83 after years of being lost with Alzheimer’s, and his final journey was a quiet blessing. At the service, wonderful stories were shared about past activities when he still remembered the names of his children and grandchildren.
Taxes are taxing.
My first full-time job started forty years ago, and I’ve paid income and property taxes ever since. I don’t mind paying assessments that fund schools and roads, and I willingly share my resources for programs that assist the elderly, help handicapped people, provide for those with special needs, and support the arts. But I am extremely aggravated about the mismanagement of taxpayer money by inept politicians who have less common sense than a child with a piggy bank.
A child knows that when the money is gone, the spending must stop. Our national government leaders, however, continue to spend borrowed money to send foreign aid to countries with regimes that want to kill us and to promote unnecessary and abused entitlement systems that create more takers than makers, all while ignoring the fact that our crippled country in on the verge of irretrievable bankruptcy. Got food storage?
Christening and Customs
On a more joyful note, my granddaughter will be Christened in a hand-stitched dress made by my great-grandmother and worn by my grandmother in 1906, my mother in 1927, me in 1952, and my daughter in 1978. The baby’s ancestors were strong pioneers and hard-working farmers who dreamed of becoming writers, musicians, and travelers. When my son and daughter-in-law present their child to proclaim her name in the presence of God and assembled witnesses, the dress will cloak her with a legacy of tough, talented, spirited women.
Next Spring will bring another opportunity to prepare for the certainty of taxes. And a splendid toddler will walk barefoot in new grass, pick fresh blossoms, sing silly songs, and wonder what’s beyond the fence. We’ll give her a piggy bank and some seed packages to plant in a garden and encourage her to become self-reliant and independent as a tribute to her hardy ancestors.
Many years from now, I’ll share some fine wine with my granddaughters, and we’ll tell amazing stories about our grand adventures. Then I’ll ask them to sing one more song before it’s time for me to go.
Today’s blog is fueled by several small bottles of Wente Merlot from California. It’s available on Delta Airlines and is sufficient when writing a blog at 30,000 feet while flying to a family funeral.
