Tonight’s blog was fueled by a delightful glass of 2005 Robert Karl Claret from Washington State. This lovely blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Malbec, and Petit Verdot was featured at a recent wine tasting at Seasons Wine Bar in Eagle. It was my serious duty to sample this wine several times to assure that is was as wonderful as I thought. Yup, it sure was. I brought a few bottles home to enjoy on special occasions – such as if I can go a week without a speeding ticket. The wine was $21.59 a bottle – and well worth the price.
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Today’s Cabernet
Tonight’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2004 Kendall-Jackson Meritage. I usually love a meritage and this wine contains a blend of cabernet sauvigon, merlot, and cabernet franc. Also, Kendall-Jackson Cabernet is always good. However, this wine is bland and disappointing. I should have known that it was mediocre because it was on sale at Albertsons for $13. So, it’s raining outside, I’m sick of politics, my favorite cartoon strip ended today, and my wine is flat. I better go find some chocolate.
Goodnight Opus
Sunday always calls for jazz on satellite radio, a pot of hazelnut coffee, and the newspaper. I struggle through the headlines, wondering if the potpourri of pathos and pain is the true signal that the end of civilization is near, and then I escape to the comics for relief. Alas, one of my favorite strips ended today, but the delightful last scene exceeded expectation.The final panel of Opus appeared at humanesociety.org/opus. There was Opus, snuggled soundly in bed as the little old lady whispered “Hush.” Goodnight moon. Goodnight Opus.Now, if Doonesbury or Mallard Fillmore even hint of ending their strips, I’m canceling my newspaper subscription. Non Sequitur and Pickles just can’t balance the news. Word of the Day:Potpourri: ORIGIN early 17th cent. (denoting a stew made of different kinds of meat): from French, literally ‘rotten pot.’
Midlife Cabernet: So, Who Needs some Laughter and Libations?
When was the last time you laughed until you snorted and then lost body fluids? Do you want to get away from toxic, bitter people who are mad at the world and blame their wretched existence on everyone else? Are you ready to claw out of your mundane routine and revel in a delightful evening with a New York Times bestselling humor author, a nationally-known comedienne, and two local fun writers? You are in great luck!
Come to a comedy show titled “Life Sucks Laugh Hard” on Tuesday, June 18 at Beside Bardenay, 612 Grove Street in downtown Boise. The festivities begin at 7:00 pm and end around 10:00 pm. Tickets are $20, available at www.LifeSucksLaughHard.com. You also can buy tickets at the door. The program is sponsored by Mill Park Publishing of Eagle.
The titles of these authors’ books should give you a clue that this show is for ages 18 and above. That means no kids. Not even one.
Laurie Notaro is the New York Times bestselling author, and she has a new book titled The Potty Mouth at the Table. She was a keynote speaker last year at the Idaho Writers and Readers Rendezvous, and many who heard her still have sides that ache from all the laughter. She will read from her books and regale the audience with hilarious stories.
Stacy Dymalski is a standup comedienne, and she commands five-figure speaking fees. We’re only paying her with laughter and a two-figure honorarium so please come and reward her with loud clapping and foot stomping. She is the author of Confessions of a Band Geek Mom, and she will explain how life as a comic prepared her for motherhood.
AK Turner (our own Amanda Turner) is the author of This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store and her new book, Mommy Had a Little Flask. AK and I are the co-authors of two great literary works, Drinking with Dead Women Writers and Drinking with Dead Drunks. We really shared drinks with Jane Austen, the Bronte Sisters, Edgar Allan Poe, and Ernest Hemingway. Really. I’ll also read from my book, Menopause Sucks, and from my forthcoming book, Midlife Cabernet.
The four of us will tell stories, read from our books, sip enormous quantities of wine, and sign books for sale. You get to mingle with happy people, enjoy appetizers, and laugh yourself silly. There will be no-host bar with a wonderful array of adult beverages. Best of all, no crabby people are allowed! They can go wallow in a pathetic pity party while we giggle and grin. We win.
Men are more than welcome to attend our fun event. Alan Heathcock, the award-winning author of VOLT, will be the intrepid master of ceremonies. He would appreciate some guys there to join him in this energized evening of entertainment and readings from four funny ladies. We hope to see you there. Taxis will be available for hire to take you home.
Today’s blog is fueled by a bottle of 2009 Domaine Eden Cabernet Sauvignon. This California wine is a rich, velvety blend of Cabernet, Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Petit Verdot, and Malbec. It won the taste test this week against a French Bordeaux at Crush Wine Bar in Eagle. The retail price is $53, but it’s $44 for members of the Wine Club.
Today’s Cabernet
Tonight’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Charles Krug Merlot from Napa Valley. This wine is a tasty blend of Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Malbec, Cabernet Sauvignon, and Petit Verdot. It’s only $22 a bottle and is worth every sip. This wine offers a complex texture, flavors of wild berry and roasted pecans, and has a strong finish. I only intended to have one glass to get me through the presidential debate, but after today’s economic news and the flat performance by both candidates, I consumed another glass. And then a half.
Midlife Cabernet: Sucking Fat
“This is the most fat I have ever removed!” The perky doctor greeted me as I woke from a drug-induced slumber. I tried to focus as she held out a surgical napkin holding two plump lines of slime that resembled skinned worms.
“Look at this!” She seemed breathless. “All this came from under your eyes!”
I was still groggy. “Can you imagine what you’d get if you sucked out my belly!” I muttered. “You’d need to bring in a wheelbarrow and a shovel!”
She was giddy about her prize and ran off to show the other doctors who proceeded to gasp and look over at me. Yes, that’s the day I became known as the Obese Eye Lady of St. Luke’s Hospital – the one who produced the most eyeball fat ever removed in the history of a medical procedure known as blepharoplasty. I waved and went back to sleep, wondering how in the hell I could get more of the delightful drugs.
The next day, I woke to find a raccoon staring back at me in the mirror. The hideous bruises under my eyes were black and looked as if I had been the loser in a brawl at the women’s prison. For the next four weeks, those bruises migrated slowly down my cheeks, turning green and then yellow, until they landed on my chin, which by then was sprouting a scraggly beard.
After about a month, the bruises went away – just about the time that the bags returned, as if to mock the thousands of dollars I had spent on the procedure. Once again I can hide martini olives under the bags beneath my eyes. Maybe I can create an exercise to remove the fat – or maybe I can just accept them as part of who I am and how I look. I’ll go with the second choice.
(This excerpt is from my book Midlife Cabernet. That title is so much better than the original working title of Elderly Wino. The book will be released in late fall, and will include portions of this blog from the past few years.)
Today’s blog is fueled by a 2010 Ferrari-Carano Merlot from Sonoma County. This complex wine offers flavors of dark chocolate and caramel with a touch of spice. It’s best enjoyed with roasted meat following any surgical procedure. Find it at Crush Wine Bar in Eagle for $35 – or $29 for members of their wine club.
