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Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Adult Coloring Books have Issues, Too

November 30, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

 

I don't have time for this shit.
I don’t have time for this shit.

A recent article in the online Atlantic Monthly noted that stressed people are using coloring books to relieve existential angst. Apparently, to supply the global demand, upscale retailers such as Yves Saint Laurent and Hermès offer adult coloring books for $160. For about the same cost, I’d rather doodle on a napkin in a wine bar and enjoy a bottle of Quintessa Red Wine from Rutherford in Napa Valley.

“Just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean you need to do it,” I’m reminded of my mother’s admonishments during my formative years. “If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you follow them?”

Mom wasn’t too original in her advice strategy.

But, I can’t endorse the new addiction for adult coloring. Even as a wee child I didn’t enjoy coloring because I couldn’t stay within the lines. Never have, never will. Who can sit still when there are butterflies to chase, frogs to catch, and pebbles to toss into the pond?

adult coloring

 

In the spirit of positive adventure, I tried the free online samples. The outcome was disastrous. I only can conclude that I don’t have time for this shit.

If other adults want to seek catharsis by way of colored pencils, that’s fine with me. I agree with professionals who claim that art can be therapeutic. However, I’m reminded of several artists through history who were not at peace with the universe or themselves.

Vincent Van Gogh was reported to be insane and depressed between manic bursts of creative energy. Pablo Picasso had issues as did Fransisco Goya and Salvador Dali. Famed artist Georgia O’Keeffe suffered an intense nervous breakdown and needed to stop painting for several years. And, who can forget Edvard Munch? It’s been speculated that his famous painting of The Scream was a portal into his own anxiety, hallucinations, and subsequent psychotic breakdown.

scream

I acknowledge that millions of adults are coloring and creating works of art in an attempt to soothe their troubled waters and find inner tranquility. That’s fine with me. Just leave me alone to self-medicate with a bold Cabernet. I promise I won’t cut off my ear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #humor, #midlife, adult coloring, artists, Dalvador Dali, Edvard Munch, Georgia O'Keeffe, Pablo Picasso, Vincent van Gogh

Make Candy Trains: They Magically Disappear

November 30, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

This festive family tradition began more than 30 years ago.
This festive family tradition began more than 30 years ago.

Mix three wonderful items — kids, Christmas, and candy — and create some fun and lasting memories by making candy trains. They are magic because they disappear before New Year’s Eve.

We first made candy trains more than 30 years ago when my two children were toddlers. Now, their children and I meet on a Saturday each December to make trains. It’s a tradition that gets better every year. The mothers and I have added a new ritual that makes everything more festive: we enjoy a glass of wine while the little ones concentrate on frosting and candy. By the end of the day, everyone is happy. Sugar rush? Who cares?

2014-12-05-candytrains3crop.JPG

Candy trains make wonderful holiday centerpieces, and they’re also fun gifts for neighbors and friends. To make trains and traditions of your own, you’ll need the following supplies:

Cardboard
Tinfoil and tape
A few cans of white frosting
Strings of red licorice
Candy: M&Ms, unwrapped candy bars, unwrapped round red and white mints, chocolate kisses, life savers, square mints in foil, anything else you want. (Frozen leftovers from Halloween work well.)

Cut up a cardboard box and tape several sturdy pieces together for the platform. Cover it with tinfoil and tape on the bottom to secure.

Spread white frosting on the cardboard for snow. Place two strips of licorice over the frosting for the tracks. Squish one candy bar into the frosting near the end of the platform. Cut a candy bar in half and “glue” with frosting to the top of the first candy bar. See the engine taking shape?

Now, glue the round wheels onto the candy bar. Glue M&Ms into the center of each wheel. Glue a chocolate kiss onto the front for the cow catcher. Use unwrapped lifesavers on the engine for the smoke stack. Repeat with more cars, adding wheels and more candy. Allow the children to create their own masterpieces. We’re talking about future engineers here! You may need to establish parameters ahead of time: the designers only can eat four pieces of candy and four tastes of the frosting during the assembly.

After the edible art is finished, everyone celebrates with hot cocoa. Then the kids can proudly take home their trains to display on the kitchen counter. If you have a cat, you may need to cover the train or leave the cat outside until January. (In case defensive pet lovers don’t know, that was a joke.)

2014-12-05-candytrains1.JPG

Over the next few days, the train gradually disappears. One M&M is missing, a chocolate kiss disappears, and then a chunk of candy bar is gone. How does that happen? As we all know, the season is full of mystery and magic, and it makes me happy to watch my children and their children enjoy a special family tradition. After we tuck the little ones into bed, we often stand and gaze at them sleeping and imagine visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads. Somewhere, I can hear Tiny Tim saying, “God bless us. Every one!”

 

(Published on The Huffington Post in December 2014)

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #candy, #Christmas, #family, #tradition, crafts

Read Books: No Batteries Required

November 28, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

Books from Mill Park Publishing have won 15 awards in the past four years.
Books from Mill Park Publishing have won 15 awards in the past four years.

 

Books from Mill Park Publishing provide hours of entertainment without needing batteries, electricity, or sizing. And, they are reusable. Consider buying, reading, and giving these books written by women authors. Here are three of 12 choices:

cover drinking with dead women  Angel of Esperanza cover

 

Midlife-Cabernet-Cover-Best

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #humor, #midlife, #Mill Park Publishing, #wine, books, gifts

Guest Blogger Ruth Knox Describes Idaho Writer’s Retreat

November 27, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

 

Ruth Knox, left, and Christy Hovey discuss writing goals.
Ruth Knox, left, and Christy Hovey discuss writing goals.

 

The Guest Blogger today is Ruth Knox, a writer from Boise, Idaho. She attended our writer’s retreat in October and was inspired to finish the first draft of her novel. Here is her review of the retreat. (The next Creative Kindling Retreat is April 29-May 1, 2016.)

The Word by Ruth Knox

photo 3

 

Saturday night. A bunch of giggling women are gathered at night in the dark woods behind the Garden Valley cabin, taking part in a wilderness survival exercise put on by workshop leaders, Christy Hovey and Amanda Turner. Elaine Ambrose, who is hosting this writers retreat for women is there, giggling right along with us. This is my first ever Creative Kindling Women’s Writing Retreat, and this little workshop goes to show you that you never know what’s going to happen when you get together with this bunch. I can’t divulge details. What happens at the cabin stays at the cabin. We didn’t pinky-swear or anything, but you just know there are some things of which you must never speak. Sisterhood and all that.

On Sunday morning, I’m sitting in a big ol’ rocking chair on the veranda, watching the mist play along the river bank. Just a few yards from the porch, deer are lazily grazing. It’s like a picture out of a story book, but it’s real. We’re sipping our coffee, cradling our steamy mugs in both hands. A fire in the hearth completes this perfect setting. The usually still morning air is alive with women’s laughter. Welcome to our women’s writing retreat.

When we arrived on Friday afternoon, most of us didn’t know each other. Now it’s Sunday, and we are reluctant to break this magic spell of camaraderie and leave our new friends to return to our busy lives in the city. If I had to say how they managed to pull off this magic transformation in less than 48 hours, I, the writer of words, would have no answer. Maybe it is our hosts and mentors, Elaine Ambrose, Amanda Turner, and Christy Hovey. Each has specific skill sets that every writer needs, and when you put them all together at this retreat, you get what I like to refer to as the Power Pack.

Not only did they host workshops with invaluable information, they each gave us a two-hour, one-on-one private session to work on our own specific current writing project. This is where the real gold is in this weekend retreat. This kind of personal coaching is not something you have available at most retreats. They also limit the number of attendees so that the feel is intimate and comfortable, and everyone has time to address any questions they have. As well, this made it easy to get to know the other attendees, and develop a rapport which made learning together fun.

In my case, I am currently working on a non-fiction book, Caregiver’s Quilt. When I arrived on Friday, I was stuck, bogged down in details and self-doubt about my ability to complete this project. Yes, I’d done plenty of writing over the years, but not a full length book, and this felt daunting. I didn’t know how to take my ideas and tame them into a usable book outline. Elaine worked with me on blogging, which gave me a better understanding of how a blog can help me write my book and gain readership. Amanda worked with me on my outline, and how to break my big book idea down into manageable sized chunks. Christy helped me get a handle on how to use social media to find my readers, and hold their interest.

Because we not only played hard this weekend, we worked hard too. Our attendees ran from fairly new to seasoned writers. It didn’t matter. We each found something we needed to move us along our writer’s path. Each of us came away with a sense of exhilaration. We were going home with something tangible to work on. And we got something more – a sense of sisterhood, and some new friends. Our attendees decided to form an accountability group, meeting for lunch once a month to update each other on our progress.

It was a wonderful experience. Sharing our ideas and projects with one another bolstered our confidence and our belief in our own project. It took something intensely personal and solitary and gave it life in the real world. Each of us challenged ourselves by reading some of our writing aloud to the group. We were met with encouragement and applause.

Our first workshop was on Friday night. After we dined like royalty on a delicious feast that chef, Robert prepared for us, we gathered around the table. Coffee and wine flowed in abundance. Elaine chose the subject “Music as Muse” for her workshop. The idea was that by using guided imagery, we would open ourselves up to memories and write about them, knowing we didn’t have to share them with anyone if we chose. I’m not going to lie. It was a difficult exercise. With the help of music, we silently revisited the most painful and the most joyful experiences of our lives. As much as I didn’t like revisiting painful memories, I have to admit that this exercise opened me up. And from that place of honest vulnerability I became ready to receive all that the weekend had to offer.

If you decide to honor your writing-self by attending the next retreat, come with a specific project in mind and come prepared to work hard. As well, come prepared to laugh. A lot. The next retreat will probably be in April. Plan now to be there. Opportunities like this don’t come often. Would I go again? In a heartbeat. I’m already feeding my piggy bank.

(Read more from Ruth Knox at https://ruthknox.wordpress.com/ and follow her on Facebook.)

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #AK Turner, Christy Hovey, Creative Kindling, Ruth Knox, writer's retreat

New Year’s Resolution: Attend a Retreat for Women

November 25, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

 

cabin back deck

Escape to the Idaho mountains next year for your choice of retreats for women. Four different themes focus on inner strength, writing and wellness, intensive writing programs, and hypnotic recall writing. Enjoy all activities, workshops, meals, and accommodations in two deluxe cabins next to a scenic river only an hour’s drive north of Boise.

writers wellness group 2015

  1. Desire Map Retreat is January 22-24. This course is a guide for discovering your core desired feelings and lighting up your life and is organized and facilitated by Emily Nielsen, owner of Balance Family Fitness, wellness coach, and Desire Map Retreat Facilitator. The cost is $495 and includes lodging, all whole food meals and snacks, Desire Map Workbook, and all activities and excursions.

wellness writing retreat

 

  1. Writing and Wellness Retreat for Women is February 5-8. The retreat is organized and facilitated by Elaine Ambrose, published author, syndicated blogger, and publisher, and Emily Nielsen, owner of Balance Family Fitness and wellness coach. The cost is between $260 and $370, depending upon room selection, and includes lodging, all meals, writing workshops, yoga, meditation exercises, and healthy cuisine.

cabin wine

  1. Creative Kindling Retreat for Women is April 29-May 1. The retreat is organized and facilitated by professional authors AK Turner, Christy Hovey, and Elaine Ambrose. This intensive weekend is limited to those who are serious about taking their manuscript to the next level. Spend three days in scenic Garden Valley in deluxe cabins, enjoying fantastic food and wine. This weekend will be fun, but also productive. Each attendee will develop a complete book outline, writing schedule, and choose between blog development or assistance with social media profiles. This retreat accommodates a maximum of 6 attendees. Private rooms are available for $500. The Girlfriend Getaway Suite (two twin beds) is available for $420 per person. Pricing includes meals and airport transportation. To apply, please send a brief paragraph about yourself and your proposed project to: info@creativekindlingretreat.com.

photo 34. The Hypnotic Recall Writing Workshop will be May 20-23 and additional details are to be announced. Award-winning author, syndicated columnist, workshop presenter, and TV show host Suzette Martinez Stranding brings her nationally recognized expertise to lead a limited group of women into a hypnotic recall session to enhance and inspire their writing.

cabin bedroom

 

These workshops sell out early, so consider which one is right for you. Or, consider joining us for more than one! Additional retreats will be announced for the autumn months. We promise positive results and renewed energy.

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: blog

Elf on the Shelf is Wicked

November 20, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

 

151120_Idaho_Living_Blogger (1)

Here’s how to get through the holidays with humor. (Click humor for the TV video. Really.)

This week I was interviewed on “Idaho Living” by the charming Johnna Johnson. We discussed several ways to avoid stress during the holidays. The bullet points are:

1. Ignore Martha Stewart and Pinterest. You don’t need such pressure in your life.

2. Drink egg nog. It’s made of sugar, cream, and raw eggs. What could go wrong?

3. The Elf on the Shelf is wicked. Why traumatize your children and compete with the perfect women who make a major production of posing the silly doll?

4. Try this prescription written thousands of years ago: A merry heart does like a good medicine.

Conclusion: Be happy, laugh a lot, and read and give my humorous books!

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #holidays, #humor, egg nog, Elf on Shelf, Martha Stewart

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