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The Ugly Reality of Fake Beauty

March 16, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

Two photographs of me taken 15 minutes apart illustrate the powerful allure of altered images. In one photograph, I look like a sagging, seasoned but sassy senior citizen. In the other one, I resemble the beautiful actress Katherine Zeta Jones. It’s amazing what a talented professional photographer can do with a new software program that rearranges facial features. I should wear a mask of the fabulous phony face, but then I couldn’t eat chocolate or drink wine, so I’ll stay with the contented crone.

Let’s face it: The dramatic but artificial improvement is shocking. The only similarities in the two photos are my jacket and jewelry. The rest is fake. Bogus. Counterfeit. But, damn, I would love to look like that.

With that face, doors would open, opportunities suddenly would appear, and strangers would buy me drinks in bars. With that face, I could walk into a fancy store and the salespeople would actually pay attention, a phenomenon I haven’t experienced in more than 20 years. I could probably get my own reality show on television, using no talent at all. That perfect pose would be published in magazine advertisements and on weight-loss product packaging. Imagine the unlimited scenarios.

Reality can be a bitch. If I used that photo on resumes or business cards, people would be overcome with disappointment when they met the real me. The manipulated image wouldn’t be accepted when I tried to use my driver’s license or passport. And, I’d lose the respect from friends and associates who know the authentic me. They would laugh in my normal face.

Full disclosure: I did use some of the photographs taken by the professional photographer. Some of the skin imperfections were erased and she caught my irreverent attitude, but the images still resemble me. The best one now is on the front page of my website. Don’t judge.

The ugly reality of fake beauty is that it removes authenticity. I never looked like the glamorous photo and I never will. And, that’s okay. Older women have earned their laugh lines, and their faces gain a certain grandeur as their jowls droop into their necks. Living long enough to sprout age spots and wrinkles is a privilege denied to many. Two good friends died recently, and they won’t have the opportunity to grow older and look more glorious with age. It may sound cliché, but for them, I’ll focus on inner beauty. I’ll also be grateful for another day to annoy or humor people. That’s real.

The Midlife Blogger Booster Shot

March 10, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

Do you want to reinvent yourself? Attend an inspirational conference for midlife bloggers. Not since Scarlett O’Hara transformed velvet drapes into an elegant gown to hide her poverty in the movie Gone With the Wind has there been such an effective way to announce, “I adapted, I survived, I am relevant!” And, there was no need for Rhett Butler.

Women came through snowstorms, insecurities, and other obstacles to register for the premier BAM Bloggers at Midlife Conference last week in Nashville, Tennessee. Reinvention became our rejuvenating booster shot that opened our eyes to see, our ears to hear, and our mouths to holler, “I’m still here!”

The BAM Conference was the creation of Sharon Greenthal and Anne Parris, founders of www.midlifeboulevard.com, and Teresa Kindred, owner of www.NanaHood.com, and Beth Rosen, owner 4 Keys Media. Midlife Boulevard is an online magazine for and about women over age 40. More than 300 writers contribute to the site, and the Facebook page has more than 1,100 followers.

More than 100 of us found our way through the Gaylord Opryland Hotel and Resort. The first cocktail party was engaging as we recognized our best friends we’d never before met. We knew each other from our blogs and online photographs. We laughed as old friends as we noshed on comfort food and macaroni and cheese, generously supplied by the party’s sponsor Stouffer’s. For me, it paired nicely with a delicate Pinot Noir.

The next day, we enjoyed an informal chat with Elisa Camahort Page, the co-founder of BlogHer. She was interviewed by star blogger Danyelle Little and explained how she reinvented herself with every job and situation. Prior to co-founding BlogHer, Elisa ran a marketing consultancy, Worker Bees, which was among the first companies to integrate corporate marketing strategies into the social media environment. Page and the other two founders were named among the seven most powerful people in new media by Forbes Magazine. She encouraged us to keep going, make dreams concrete, and not to rely on others for personal validation.

“If your risk fails, try again,” was her challenge.

Tracy Beckerman, columnist, author and humorist, encouraged bloggers to find their unique voices. She advocated learning how to do videos and insert them into their blogs and websites. She also said to be conscious of how their websites appear in mobile applications and to develop products and services that match their themes. Beckerman recommended getting a federal trademark for each blog and know the legal rules for social media and Internet practices. She also said to add a hashtag on every blog and email.

In between speakers and workshops, the participants snacked on more delicious macaroni and cheese from Stouffer’s and tangy choices of cheese from Cabot Cheese. Other goodies included tools from Collective Bias and Vibrant Nation. A gleaming car from Nissan waited in the lobby, and many participants were tempted to get in to drive their way around the sprawling resort.

Other tidbits of advice from the speakers and workshops:

Lori Moreno, a social media expert, said to stop counting the number of likes on Facebook and focus on how many sales result from your blog. Build a community behind your brand, and highlight midlife issues, quotes, and products.

Jodi Okun, the twitter expert with more than 100,000 followers and ranked in the Top 30 Social Influencers in Personal Finance & Wealth, recommended that bloggers follow journalists to find story ideas. She also said to follow all the BAM participants and sponsors on Twitter. By the end of her presentation, the BAM Conference was trending on Twitter.

Wendy Walker Cushing introduced the wide world of Pinterest. Her account has more than 38,500 followers, and she advised bloggers not to make all their posts about themselves but to publish interesting articles about others and do seasonal boards on Pinterest.

Martie Duncan, the Food Network Star Finalist and Party Planner, reaffirmed the importance of reinvention. She noted that at any party, the people are more important than the food. She told the engaging story of how she volunteered to cook lunch in a fire station so she would have a dish to take to a televised competition. She won. She said to ignore the media judgments that say midlife women are too old, not sexy, and washed up. Find your purpose, she said, and go on your mission to shine.

Pamela Lutrell, author of the blog Over 50 Feeling 40, is the weekly fashion and style columnist for Midlife Boulevard. She encouraged bloggers to walk with strength, confidence, and joy with a charming personal style. She explained how she makes money and receives products and services through her blog.

Danyelle Little, author of the wildly popular and financially successful blog The CubicleChick, shared her newsworthy items relating to workplace issues and lifestyle. Her audience includes working parents, entrepreneurs, and readers of all ages. She coaches other bloggers how to make money from their blogs, embrace referrals, bring others with you, know your worth, and believe in the “old girl network.”

Kymberly Williams-Evans and Alexandra Willliams are witty twin sisters with a blog called funandfit.org: Active Aging for Boom Chicka Boomers. They showed us how to create an impressive media kit and included links for additional information. The links will be available on the Midlife Boulevard website. The sisters reminded the bloggers not to give away their talents, products, and services.

Rebecca Parsons, CEO of REP MEdia, Publisher & Editor-in-Chief of Cre8tive Compass Magazine, explained her experiences on Blogtalk Radio, and encouraged bloggers to talk and write about how life impacts others, not just themselves. She represented Collective Bias, the company that provided a delicious lunch.

I joined the publishing panel with Susan Lee Maccarelli‎ of Beyond Your Bloggers, Mary Dell Harrington, Lisa Heffernam, and Melissa T. Shultz. We encouraged bloggers to get published and to consider the traditional route as well as self-publishing opportunities. Macarelli is the blogging guru who offers valuable advice, links, and support for bloggers of all ages.

The conclusion panel included speakers Nordette Adams, a contributing editor at BlogHer, Sharon Greenthal, Dr. Margaret Rutherford, and Beth Rosen. The best news was the introduction of BAM 2016 in April. The bloggers ended the conference weary but energized and some had plans for another reinvention. And, then we left to return home and write more blogs.

I found some free time in the giant atrium to write two blogs. (Ignore empty wine glass.) One blog described the problem with finding fashionable and comfortable shoes, especially when navigating the mazes of the resort. The second blog celebrated my 400th post and was dedicated to my daughter who taught me how to blog in 2008. Both blogs were published on The Huffington Post.

The first time I reinvented myself was during elementary school. I was a tall, uncoordinated, goofball with glasses and frizzy hair, and I desperately wanted to be one of the cool kids, so I started telling jokes and writing funny stories. I remained a clumsy clown, but I had lots of friends.

After decades of reinventing myself, it’s nice to know there are other women who have followed the same sporadic path. As in an extended version of the hopscotch game, we’ve landed on one square with two solid feet, pranced and pivoted around a few single squares, and occasionally tumbled off the intended route. But, we always got back up and adjusted our crown, attitude, and/or destination. The BAM Conference 2015 was a booster shot for those of us who have more life to live. And more than one of us will fall on the grand staircase, raise our fist in salute to Miss Scarlett, and declare, “I will never go hungry again!”

400 Blogs, One Daughter

March 8, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

It’s only appropriate that I dedicate this blog to my daughter Emily Nielsen. It’s the 400^th blog that I’ve published on this website, and it wouldn’t have happened without her loving guidance and encouragement.

“Get off your butt, Mom, and write something,” were her tender words of motivation. They echo as a gentle melody that meanders through my memories. She truly cared about me.

I was 56 and going through a second divorce. I felt like a total loser. All my career and parenting successes were negated by my monumental failures in marriage, and I plunged into the pathetic abyss of abandoning all hope. I moped. I chewed my fingernails to bloody stumps. I glumly took 15 items in the 10 items checkout lane. I ate chocolate and drank wine. Before noon.

It was 2008, and the domain name of www.elaineambrose.com was still available. My energetic and confident 30-year-old daughter showed me how to obtain the name and set up a website. Then she showed me the elementary instructions for writing a blog. With a background in journalism, I loved to write short feature articles between 500-1000 words. The challenge was exciting.

I decided to call the blog “Midlife Cabernet” and I wrote simple but humorous stories about life as a middle-aged clown. I included recommendations for wine and where to obtain the best bottles. The new activity gave me a purpose, and I boldly jumped into the blogosphere.

Today I’m in Nashville, Tennessee as a speaker at the premiere conference for BAM – Bloggers at Midlife. I belong to a growing sisterhood of women over age 45 who write and publish stories online. The blogs are varied and important.

* Several women write about the highs and lows of the “empty nest.”

* Some write about having children with special needs who always will live at home, so there won’t be an empty nest.

* Other write about food and share wonderful and creative recipes.

* We blog about grandchildren, marriage, divorce, fitness, travel, psychology, sex, and do-it-yourself projects.

* Of top importance, we blog because we’re not done yet. In a world of youth and changing technology, we refuse to become irrelevant.

*So, we blog.

So much has happened over the past seven years. I met a delightful man I call Studley, we married on the Greek island of Paros and moved into our forever home. Both of my children had children of their own, and his children embarked on collegiate and military careers. My mother passed away after an extended illness. Through all these adventures and experiences, I blogged. My topics ranged from the joys of eldercare to wondering why my body was morphing into a pile of dough. People read my blogs, and thanked me for the laughs and tears. I read theirs, and returned the thanks.

So, it’s with delicious appreciation that I finish the 400^th blog and tie it with a virtual ribbon to say “Thank you” to Emily. Without her inspiration, I’d be wallowing down by the river sucking cheap wine from a paper bag. She helped save my life. I think I’ll blog about it.

The 6 Benefits of Getting Married at Midlife

March 6, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

(This blog was featured on The Huffington Post Fifty on March 6, 2015.)

If you’re over 50 and planning your wedding, here’s a nugget of advice: For a unique musician, consider a little one-eyed Greek playing a goat bladder. That worked for us.

Studley and I met after being divorced from marriages that had lasted more than 22 years. We weren’t proud of those failures, but we were willing to take another chance on love and life. Based upon our successful experience, here are some advantages of midlife marriage:

1. There is no pressure to have the “perfect wedding.” We’ve all attended lavish ceremonies that ended before the thank you notes were sent. At our age, we’re celebrating the fact that someone else wants to say “I do” and we prefer something non-traditional. With an open bar.

2. There aren’t any in-law issues. Three of our four parents had passed away and my sweet mother suffered from dementia. She didn’t remember his name … or mine.

3. Make your own arrangements and pay the expenses. One of my favorite movies isMama Mia but the quaint little Greek church shown in the movie isn’t available for weddings. Besides, I would have fallen off the narrow path leading to the church. So we used frequent flyer miles and a timeshare to get married at the quaint Anezina Village Hotel on the Greek island of Paros.

4. Skip the wedding planner. Our simple accommodations were owned by a jolly Greek woman named Maria and her adult son Stavros. She adopted us when we arrived and planned an authentic, Ancient Greek wedding complete with borrowed togas, head wreaths of laurel vines, and a Greek Orthodox priest who couldn’t speak English. The ceremony took place outside a chapel on a hill overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. Priceless.

5. Skip the buffet line. Our hostess cooked an amazing meal to celebrate the wedding and invited all the other guests who were staying at the resort. Music was provided by a shy man pounding on a drum and the little one-eyed Greek who played a goat bladder. A few cases of wine completed the festivities, and we all danced until dawn.

6. Look beyond the body. At midlife, we have some wrinkles, age spots, receding hairlines, and flabby guts despite hundreds of sit-ups. But true love comes from within, in that deep, dark recess of the heart and mind that says “Take another chance. This time it will work.”

Someday we’ll return to Paros and hike to the chapel overlooking the sea. We’ll celebrate another festive anniversary, with or without the goat bladder music.

If the Shoe Fits, Celebrate

March 6, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

Attention Shoe Manufacturers: Middle-age women have the resources and desire to purchase fashionable, comfortable shoes. Why don’t you make any?

I’m attending a conference at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel and Resort in Nashville, Tennessee. This resort is so huge that my room is a zip code away from the conference center. I needed to drop little packets of breath mints to trace the way back. Such an ordeal requires shoes that are practical as well as pretty. Good luck with that.

While packing for the trip, I had no problem choosing the outfits, coordinating accessories, and mandatory bags of trail mix to fool myself into thinking I would eat healthy on the trip. (Those little bags have at least 100 chocolate M&M candies.) However, selecting the appropriate shoes gave me heartburn on top of the candy.

The open-toed pair with the 3-inch heels looked elegant and classy; the perfect choice for my sophisticated suit. But I knew they were 2-hour shoes for a 12-hour work day, and I couldn’t tolerate that much pain. My other choice was my favorite Joseph Seibel slip-ons. This comfortable pair could go 18 hours, but the flat, wedged heel was borderline ready for the retirement home. After two minutes of intense contemplation, the heels were returned to the closet. Comfort won.

I’ve always assumed shoes were made to cover the feet and to help people scamper over rocks, bugs, and dog poop. Now we’ve evolved into this shoe-worshiping cult where women trade the mortgage and their first-born child for a pair of Christian Louboutin red-soled shoes, and doting grandmas buy expensive baby shoes for a new grandbaby who will wear them once and then wonder 18 years later how to pay for college.

And women can’t strut away with all the blame. Men are paying $560 for a pair of Gucci hi-top sneakers, and Lucchese offers a pair of alligator belly cowboy boots for $10,513. The guy who wears those boots will never come within 100 miles of a real rodeo. And if he did, the true cowboys with manure on their boots and callouses on their hands would throw him into the water trough and barter the boots for beer.

Fancy, high-heeled, pointed-toed shoes are designed for young people who don’t walk. They just stand around and look fetching. If I need to change from my fuzzy slippers to anything with a sole, it’s because I have places to go. My feet are not pointed so why should I cram a rectangle foot into a triangle? My small feet do their best to support my mature frame, so why should I teeter on a teeny heel and hope I didn’t fall down and roll my ankle? My wine budget cut into my spending money so why should I pay $300 for two inches of leather that will be out of style in six months?

Insert the best word: As middle-age women (1) age, (2) ripen, (3) no longer give a damn, we have the bold ability to say (1) don’t judge my flip flops, (2) kiss my bunion, (3) the only good stiletto is one used as a weapon. We scoff at the young fashionistas skittering about on 6-inch heels, knowing someday they’ll end up at the bottom of the stairs with a broken heel and a wounded ego. Been there, done that.

So, it’s with a final plea that I implore the shoe industry to cobble some creative, cute, and comfy shoes for us. We’ll buy them. And if you throw in trail mix with M&Ms, we’ll get two pairs.

Call for Submissions: Midlife Anthology

March 4, 2015 By Elaine Ambrose

Mill Park Publishing is announcing a “Call for Submissions” for a new anthology to be published in paperback and e-book format in early 2016.

The working title is Feisty after 45 – The Best Blogs from Midlife Women

Women bloggers over the age of 44 are encouraged to enter a favorite blog to be considered for the anthology.

•Paperback and e-book due in early 2016

•1200 words maximum

•Deadline June 1, 2015

•Selected entries receive $25 and one book

•Entry form on www.millparkpublishing.com or www.elaineambrose.com

Books published by Mill Park Publishing of Eagle, Idaho have won 14 awards in the past three years. A portion of the sales proceeds goes to charity. Mill Park Publishing also organizes and offers writing retreats for women. The company is owned by author Elaine Ambrose. www.elaineambrose.com

ENTRY FORM:

Mill Park Publishing features award-wining books written by women. The anthology Little White Dress featured 26 women writers and won the Bronze Medal for Womens Issues from the Independent Publisher Book Awards Program in 2012. This new anthology Feisty after 45will include blogs written by women over the age of 44. Categories will be humor, inspiration, grandchildren, eldercare, travel, and personal growth.

We’re seeking positive stories that will appeal to middle-aged women. Please don’t send any articles about specific religions, politics, home-based businesses, or rants. Recipes are accepted, but should be correct. Poems also are accepted.

Mill Park Publishing follows the First North American Publication Rights (FNAPR). By submitting your piece to Mill Park Publishing, you are verifying that Mill Park Publishing has the right to be the first in North America to publish the material once. Then, unless you’ve granted other rights or licenses as well, all copyright to that material reverts back to you. If your submission is not accepted, all copyright to that material remains with the author. By submitting you piece, you are verifying that Mill Park Publishing has the right to publish this submission in media platforms known and yet to be discovered. Selected entries will receive $25 and one book after publication. Additional books and e-books will be available for purchase.

Complete and paste this form into an email. Attach proposed entry in a word document. Email to: elaine@millparkpublishing.com

Name (first and last as it will appear in print): _______________________________________________________________________

Address (street, city, town, zip): _______________________________________________________________________

Email: _______________________________________________________________________

Name of Blog or website: _______________________________________________________________________

Circle appropriate category: humor – inspiration – grandchildren – eldercare – travel – personal growth

(One submission per person, please.)

100-word Biography:

Complete entry form and email with attached word document to elaine@millparkpublishing.com by June 1, 2015.

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