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Alas! I used to think a steamy bed was the result of passion and desire. Not so at midlife. Those memories were sold off with the 1973 Chevy. Now the only wet spot I sleep in is due to horrendous night sweats that are strong enough to poach eggs right there on the pillow.My menopause bible, The Wisdom of Menopause by Dr. Christiane Northrup, politely informs us that if we wake at four a.m. drenched in sweat, it’s all part of the process and our bodies are just detoxing. I say to hell with detoxing. Just give me back my normal frigid skin. It’s winter here in Idaho, the windows are open, snow is drifing onto my bed, but it still feels like a sweltering summer swamp. I can only hope that the sweating will stop long enough for the chills to set in as the sweat freezes onto my body.Looking on the bright side, it’s a good thing I didn’t buy those 1,020 thread count Regency sheets made of the finest Egyptian cotton. There were a steal at $1,056 for a queen set. I settled for the 400 thread count sheets from Overstock.com for only $50. I can sweat the color right out of that bedding and throw it away after it rots apart. Which will be in about two weeks.Speaking of sheets, remember when we used to have sheets that were dried outside? I remember hoising wet sheets onto the clothesline in the back yard and securing them with wooden pins. Then the magic of sunshine and fresh air would transform the simple cotton sheets into soft clouds of comfort on my bed. These sheets didn’t have fitted corners, designer colors, or more than a 200 thread count but the feel and smell still remains a favorite childhood memory. Now we don’t have that luxury because there’s too much air pollution and the homeowners associations won’t allow clotheslines. A pity, indeed.Here are some handy remedies to cool off the night sweats:1. Don’t take warm baths or hot showers before bed, as wonderful and tempting as that sounds. That only heats your skin and encourages those harried hormones to trigger a hot flash. Cool or tepid showers are best.2. Eliminate caffeine and spicy foods at dinner. Have your coffee and Thai food for breakfast.3. Keep plenty of water on your bedside table. I use bottled water because I often knock over a glass when I’m pawing and panting for water in the middle of the night.4. Have a fan beside your bed. If that disturbes your partner, offer him a hat and some gloves. Better yet, offer him the guest room.5. Sleep on a beach towel to absorb excess sweat. Hey, that’s less humiliating than a crib sheet.6. Try herbal decaffinated tea before bed to soothe your nerves. But don’t drink too much or you’ll be up all night going to the bathroom.7. Search web sites for pajamas and night gowns made from moisture-wicking fabrics. Try http://www.serenecomfort.com/ or http://www.lunarradiance.com/. Lunar Radiance also has books, DVDs, supplements and a blog to help you through the madness of menopause. I love the night gowns, but they only come in pastel colors and the sizes are a bit snug (or I’m a bit big.)

Today’s blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Fidelitas Columbia Valley red wine. This reliable, inexpensive table wine provides a satisfying blend of cabernet sauvignon, merlot, syrah, and cabernet franc. And, for less than twenty dollars a bottle, you can save enough money to get another bottle!

Mill Park Publishing of Eagle has donated $1,000 to the Writers in the Schools Program sponsored by The Cabin, a literary center in Boise. The donation comes from sales of the new novel The Angel of Esperança by local author Judith McConnell Steele.

“The donation will enable The Cabin to have a literary instructor in another area school,” said Julie Strand, program director. “We appreciate this opportunity to bring professional writers into the classrooms to engage students and classroom teachers in the pleasure and power of reading and writing.”

Mill Park Publishing was founded by author Elaine Ambrose. The company publishes books written by women and donates the proceeds to local charities. More than $10,000 has been given over the past four years and recipients include Dress for Success Treasure Valley, the Women’s and Children’s Alliance, the Learning Lab Literature for Lunch, the Idaho Writers Guild, and the Interfaith Sanctuary.

Mill Park Publishing won four of 40 awards given recently by the Idaho Book Extravaganza. The Angel of Esperança won first place awards for fiction, interior design, and cover design. Drinking with Dead Women Writers, historical fiction by AK Turner and Elaine Ambrose, won second place for cover design. Other books have won prestigious awards, including the 2012 Independent Book Publisher Award (IPPY), a national humor award from Foreword Magazine, and a designation as “Best New Children’s Book.” More information is available on www.MillParkPublishing.com.

My distinguished school career as the class clown began in the fourth grade when I told a joke and everyone laughed, except the teacher, of course. Through the years, I continued to annoy my teachers, irritate my parents, and delight my friends with irreverent comments and rebellious actions that resulted in many trips to the principal’s office. Only my good grades saved me from being sent off to some reform school in the wilderness.Actually, I grew up in the wilderness. Anyone ever heard of Wendell, Idaho? I didn’t think so. It’s a small farming community in southern Idaho where you can get to Clell and Mabel’s home by turning left at the brown house with the wooden deck, just past the hill by Chandler’s dairy barn. During the sixties, as I was honing my humorous and rewarding talents in the classroom, the town had 1,000 inhabitants. I knew just about every one of them. My parents had attended the same schools I attended, and I had some of their same teachers. These teachers were OLD!As a child, I relied on my wits to survive. I was the only girl in a hard-working farm family and my importance fell way below that of my brothers, my mother, the hired hands, the dog and the cats. The dog was useful for barking at strangers and the cats were necessary to control the mice. The hired hands worked hard on my father’s farms from sunrise until sunset. My mother, bless her heart, dutifully had dinner on the table every night at six o’clock, whether or not my father came in from work. If he were late, she silently added more milk to the gravy and kept the pork chops in the oven until they became hard enough to use as door stops. But, just smother them chops with globs of reheated gravy and you could choke ’em down with a few glasses of dairy-fresh milk. My brothers were important, well, because they were male and I wasn’t. It all seemed so unfair.Every day my father would play John Philip Souza records on high volumn and pound on our bedroom doors, hollering “Get up! Get up! Time’s money!” To this day, I cringe and get a twitch every time I hear “Stars and Stripes Forever,” even though I’m very patriotic and continue to get out of bed and get to work because I couldn’t possibly waste time or money by lolling around in my big, comfortable bed with the Italian sheets and the coordinated bedding.Anyhow, that’s Part One of my grand adventure into the safety of humor. I find it so much more enjoyable to laugh about this crazy world than to fuss about all the crap. I recently had an article printed in several national magazines. It’s titled “Toss Out Some Humor to Lighten the Work Load.” In case you’re interested, here’s a link to one of those articles. Toss out some humor to lighten the workload