Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Valentine’s Day: Go Laugh with Your Lover

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What’s the best gift for Valentine’s Day? A belly laugh. Not a wimpy snicker or a timid giggle, but a full-body experience that is triggered in the brain, rumbles up from the gut, and erupts with an emotional release that causes eyes to water, noses to run, and feet to stomp. This display of delight should be repeated as often as possible, but not while driving or carrying a full martini.

Studley and I were in our fifties when we met and married, so we didn’t need to focus on the demands of establishing careers and raising children together. We just get to play house and stay active enough to chase each other around the hot tub. We’ve discovered the joy of living out loud, and that includes, but is not limited to, spontaneous bouts of laughter.

Laughing during our Greek Wedding

One of my favorite photographs shows us laughing during our wedding on the Greek island of Paros. I look like a disheveled sack of spuds because it was windy by the chapel on a hill overlooking the Mediterranean Sea and my hair was a mess. We had an Ancient Greek ceremony so we wore bulky linen togas tied with a rope, and by the time the photograph was taken, my laurel wreath had gone with the wind. And the photo shows the hands of a little, one-eyed musician playing a goat bladder. But, I’m laughing. With gusto.

The world continues to turn like a smoldering compost pile, and sometimes it’s difficult to find something that causes laughter. I recommend watching a comedy or reading a humorous book or watching toddlers play. When my children were little, we would watch the I Love to Laugh song in the Mary Poppins video and repeat the scene several times until we were gasping in fits of giggles. Chuckling with children is almost as much fun as laughing with your lover.

I don’t go to movies that are excessively violent or scary because the images fill my imagination with terrible thoughts that haunt me for months, and I’m trying to reduce the time I spend watching or reading the news. Last week I watched a crime drama on television that gave me nightmares and I woke up yelling. I’d much rather wake up laughing. Studley agrees with that fact.

Some women have a fear of boisterous laughter because guffawing makes them snort or wet their pants. I don’t see any problems with that. By midlife we either accept that our bodies will betray and embarrass us on a daily basis or we go live in the basement and watch sad movies. It takes brave risk-takers to open up and hoot with wild abandon. Besides, laughter is good for your health. Studies show that regular laughing boosts your immune system, oxygenates your blood, tightens your stomach muscles, and releases healthy chemicals in your brain that improve your mood. Happiness really is the best medicine.

In case you’ve forgotten how to laugh, try this technique:

1. Squint your eyes.

2. Pull your mouth into a tight grin

3. .Make a high squeal then lower your voice and make a series of “Ha, Ha, Ha.”

4. Rock back and forth.

5. Repeat several times.

If that doesn’t make you chuckle, it certainly will amuse those around you. And, that’s a good start. Make it a noble goal to laugh several times a week and you’ll discover that more people want to be around you. Stock up on crackers, cheese, and wine because there are hoards of miserable people searching for laughter. It’s your duty to share the joy.

Can We Laugh Again Before Summer?

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Some of you are getting crabby, and it’s not a good look. My New Year’s Resolution is to laugh at least once a week until I snort liquid out my nose. It’s a noble goal.

Ages ago, well maybe last year, I presented humorous speeches and enjoyed sharing laughter with my audience. Now, I peer at little boxes of faces on a Zoom webinar workshop and try to engage positive conversation while I manage a chat room, manipulate my slides, pause to answer a question, and follow a volatile outline of useful information. Next year, I am determined to gather a few living people and tell stories. Their laughter may be muffled behind masks, but I’ll savor the eye contact and the personal connection. Can we aim for summer to once again laugh together?

I can imagine future parties where we’ll find the group of gregarious guests gathered next to the punch bowl because they have the best punch lines. The most successful events will create a positive atmosphere where you can mingle with joyful people, nosh on appetizers, toast the New Year, toast every year, toast a new Instant Pot recipe, and laugh yourself silly. The horrors and hindsight of 2020 will be banned from conversation.

(Note: This encouragement to be happy doesn’t negate the true tragedies of this year. Many people have lost loved ones, many remain in the hospital, people lost their businesses, and there is an increase in cases of depression and domestic abuse. My message is to prompt hope we can smile again in the future.)

In learning to laugh again, some women may fear bouts of boisterous laughter because guffawing makes them wet their pants. I don’t see any problems with that. By midlife we either accept that our bodies will betray and embarrass us on a daily basis, or we go live in the basement with a carton of ice cream and watch sad movies. (Been there, done that, no fun.) It takes brave risk-takers to chuckle and chortle with wild abandon.

I once caused more than 800,000 people to laugh because of my viral essay titled, “Don’t Fart During an MRI.” HuffPost Live interviewed me from New York. Now, the story follows me everywhere. Let’s return to humor, even if we need to act like children and fart out loud. You go first.

Donna Beckman Tagliaferri and Anne Bardsley enjoy serious discussion before the writing retreat.

Did you know laughter is good for your health? Studies show that regular laughing boosts your immune system, oxygenates your blood, tightens your stomach muscles (hallelujah!), and releases healthy chemicals in your brain that improve your mood. A cheerful heart really is the best medicine.

In case you’ve forgotten how to laugh, here’s a simple technique to practice in quiet solitude when your calendar is empty, and we all know it is. The exercise applies to all ages, all sexes, every ethnic category, most religions, and even some Southern Baptists:

1. Squint your eyes.
2. Pull your mouth into a tight grin
3. Make a high squeal then lower your voice and make a series of “Ha, Ha, Ha.”
4. Rock back and forth.
5. Repeat several times.

If that doesn’t make you chuckle, it certainly will amuse those around you. Next year, make it a mission to laugh several times a week and you’ll discover more people want to be around you, even on Zoom. Be the light of laughter among the growing hordes of miserable people desperately searching for a chuckle. It’s your duty and solemn responsibility to share the joy, so go forth and laugh. You’re all invited over next summer.

The world is crabby, but you can laugh for 99 cents!

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For one week beginning September 22, Midlife Happy Hour is available for only 99 cents in eBook platforms on Amazon, Nook, IBooks, KOBO, and Google Plus.

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Leave a Legacy of Laughter

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I made it to my 60s without irritating too many people, and now it’s time to consider what legacy, if any, will remain after I die.

Any leftover money should be spent on a lavish farewell wake and community party. My adult children won’t be inheriting stock portfolios or trunks full of gold. By not having those assets, I’ve saved my heirs from dealing with multiple accountants, estate lawyers, tax attorneys and nefarious scoundrels who will take every dime they inherit. My kids do, however, have a chance to own my treasured collection of wine corks from around the world and several baskets of finger puppets. I hope they won’t fight over them.

My kids already have the best gift I could share: a sense of humor. In a wicked world spewing toxic drama and trauma, they possess the ability to laugh in the face of chaos and spit in the eye of the storm. These are essential skills to have as they boldly jump out of the proverbial handbasket going to hell.

For more than 30 years, their comedic talents have caused me to laugh until I snort. This raw ability came in handy during their volatile teenage years when they tested my patience and failed the test. Just as I was ready to use my outside voice when my son missed his curfew, he would come home and share humorous stories of adventure and victimless pranks accomplished with his friends. I tried to stifle my amusement, but it was impossible to be mad at him. He always made me laugh.

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My daughter knew how to use silly dialects and animal noises to distract any pending consequences for breaking the rules. If she behaved beyond the normal shenanigans and anticipated my disapproval, she would race into the room, tilt back her head, grab her tongue, and baa like a wounded sheep. There was no use trying to maintain any semblance of parental authority. If I had practiced this clever technique with my father, I wouldn’t have been grounded for 40 years.

emily goat face

My children grew up to become happy, productive adults with loving spouses and laughing children. Their two families include four adults, five children and two dogs, and they often take vacations together. During the last camping trip, they each posed in various yoga positions on a rock overlooking a picturesque river. Ranging in age from three to 46, their techniques included my daughter’s physically toned Lord of the Dance Pose and my son’s creative Danish Flying Old Viking Pose. I laughed out loud seeing the collage of photographs.

Laughter truly is the best medicine, and my children and their children should live healthy lives and giggle well into old age. I’m looking forward to the time when my grandchildren will avoid parental reprimands by telling tall tales and creating animated excuses.

If this next generation of children inherits the gifts of humor, they will be rich, indeed, and can happily continue the family legacy of laughter tax-free.

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Why Funny is Fashionable

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old woman laughing

 

You know you’re at peace with yourself and the universe if you can enter a crowded social function, scan the room, and then join the group creating the most laughter. After a certain age, you don’t waste time with pseudo-intellectuals, plastic-faced divas, or over-styled drama queens; especially if they’re your relatives. Just trot your sensible, low-heeled shoes over to those having fun and then laugh until you snort.

Over the years, most women have endured numerous charity galas, corporate soirees, and elegant events that required dressing in more than a “This Wine is Making me Awesome” t-shirt, Yoga pants, and flip-flops (my favorite outfit.) In our twenties and thirties, we started preparing weeks in advance; trying on various outfits, scheduling hair and nail appointments, and crash dieting to lose a few pounds. By our forties, the routine became less rigorous unless the occasion was a dinner party with our boss or a romantic evening with a significant other. Usually, those events did not involve the same person.

By age 50, however, we said screw the rules. We gauged the importance of an event by the need to shave our legs or not. What to wear came down to what garment would hide last week’s lasagna binge. There was a time when identical outfits would have caused one of us to retreat to the coat closet and desperately paw for something to throw over our shoulders. Now if I’m attending a fancy function and see another woman wearing a replica of my dress, I congratulate her on her exquisite taste. If she’s over 50, she’ll laugh and say, “Got it on sale for only $150!” We high-five and sashay to the wine bar.

Another scene to avoid forever is the Sugar Daddy with Arm Candy couple. She’ll be giggling about play dates and nannies and he’ll be sweating and adjusting his pacemaker. If the hostess seats you next to such a twosome, feign a sudden onset of gastrointestinal flu and discreetly find another table, preferably with a middle-age couple who are holding hands and laughing. It doesn’t matter if they came together.

High fashion is not my top priority. I usually wear classic, quality clothes that have timeless appeal, such as my favorite 10-year-old St. John knit jackets. They cost a fortune new but I’ve worn them for years and they always look good. And, I’m a strong advocate of the simple black dress adorned with fun accessories. And there is no way these well-traveled feet will ever again feel the inside of a high-heeled shoe. That just won’t happen because high-heels are painful and I choose not to hurt. An elongated calf perched on a $300 strip of leather just doesn’t matter that much.

While laughing with new and old friends at a society event, it’s tempting to sneak a peek at the younger, more perfect women. They arrive with a flair of confidence, pause to pose on their six-inch heels, and jut their tiny, sequin-covered bodies into the spotlight. Yes, they are proud of their flat-stomachs, bobbing cleavages, and toned arms. Their hair, makeup, and nails are flawless, and heads turn in appreciation. I immediately start humming “The Girl from Ipanema.”

When she walks, she’s like a samba

That swings so cool and sways so gentle

That when she passes, each one she passes

Goes “A-a-a-h.”

I never was that woman, not even on my most magnificent occasion. But, I’m finally happy in my own skin, every wrinkled, spotted inch of it. I’d much rather be with the witty group, the ones who are telling humorous stories, and the ones who know that Ipanema Girl someday will be fifty. Then she, too, will know that funny is fashionable.

Speaking of Laughter

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“It’s such a busy time of year. I’ve had company for weeks! I finally took my aunt to the airport this morning, but now I’m feeling guilty. Her plane doesn’t leave until next week.”

Rim shot.

I often begin humorous speeches with that joke because it always provokes laughter from the audience. Why? First, people can identify with being busy and dealing with house guests. Second, there is an unexpected twist at the end. You can substitute aunt with mother-in-law, depending upon the strength of your marriage and assuming she’s not in the audience.

No one says, “Oh, you shouldn’t have said that!” The audience knows I’m joking, but they laugh anyway because it’s a funny scenario. After they stop laughing, I immediately add a second image.

“My sweet aunt was sick last year, so I visited her. She was in bed, and as we talked I munched on peanuts in a bowl on her nightstand. I noticed that I had eaten all the peanuts so I offered to buy more. She said, ‘Oh, Elaine, I can’t eat peanuts because they hurt my teeth. I just suck off the chocolate and put them back in the bowl.”

That story also guarantees a laugh. Why? Because the audience can see my aunt sick in bed and feels tender support for my visit. Then the silly image of her sucking off the chocolate hits their funny bone. For added emphasis, I use a southern drawl for my aunt’s voice. It’s all in great fun and causes the group to relax and prepare for my speech. Without a humorous introduction, it would take more time to connect with the listeners.

A well-timed, original joke can be the beginning of a wonderful relationship between a speaker and an audience, and between friends. Caveat: don’t read jokes, and don’t tell them if you’re not comfortable with public speaking. Rehearse the stories out loud so you get the timing and phrasing correct. A well-delivered punch line can be a golden experience as the audience reacts and instantly loves you. Conversely, a dull, lifeless and insecure presentation is painful for everyone. Make sure the joke is not on you.

Next spring I’m packing my finger puppets, best jokes and sensible shoes to travel from Boise, Idaho to Dayton, Ohio and then to Las Vegas, Nevada to speak at two energizing conferences. I’ll incorporate humor throughout my talks, and create stories and anecdotes to enhance the message. Regrettably, now I need to find new opening jokes.

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The prestigious Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop is March 31-April 2 in Dayton, Ohio at the University of Dayton where an astute professor once told his student Erma Bombeck, “You can write!” My presentation titled “Write Funny, NOW!” will include quotes from Bombeck’s material and incorporate writing prompts. I’ll also lead a workshop explaining how to turn a blog into a book. Registration for the bi-annual conference sold out in less than six hours.

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The BAM-Bloggers at Midlife Conference will be April 15-16, 2016 at the Marriott Las Vegas Resort & Spa and is the first blogging conference focusing on midlife women bloggers. The midlife blogging community, facilitated by Midlife Boulevard, asked for a place where they could get together and learn from each other and from experts. I’ll be speaking on a panel with two other humor writers. Registration remains open for this conference.

Back in Boise, I’ll present a humor writing workshop for the Idaho Writers Guild on Saturday, June 11. At all the presentations, I’ll have finger puppets, new jokes and at least one new book. Apparently, people want and need to be happy. I’ll do my part to facilitate a few chuckles and provoke boisterous laughter because there are too many grouchy people getting all the attention.

For public speaking engagements, I include my three top tips for adding humor to your life:

1. Switch off the news. Balance your intake with funny shows, movies, books and silly friends.

2. Avoid crabby people. Hang out with those who like to laugh.

3. Practice laughter. Read daily positive, humorous affirmations and focus on all the good stories.

Laughter is good for the body and soul. And, a sense of humor provides a great way to make and keep friends. As the American Author and Humorist Mark Twain said, “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.”

Go forth, cause laughter and enjoy the show.

 

Published on The Huffington Post December 28, 2015