Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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#sibling rivalry

The Sad Mother’s Ring

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leona mother's ring

After the funeral, the mortician handed me a small velvet pouch that contained my mother’s jewelry: her favorite poinsettia earrings, an pearl necklace, and two rings. The first ring was a wedding ring my father gave her after she lost the original while working on the potato harvester. The second ring was a Mother’s Ring she wore for 50 years. She often fingered it with tears in her eyes.

My brothers and I gave her the ring decades ago when we young, all lived at home, and still spoke to each other. Our mutual estrangement as adults caused my mother immense pain during the last 15 years of her life. I still have trouble breathing when I remember the lawsuits after my father died, the loud fights, and the sight of my mother crying on the witness stand in court. The judge ruled in her favor, but the damage was done. Our family was shattered beyond repair.

I haven’t seen or spoken to my older brother in 18 years. He’s never met my husband or my grandchildren. He never visited his mother after losing the lawsuit, and he didn’t attend her funeral. January, the first birthstone in the Mother’s Ring, is a cold month.

The velvet pouch sat on the buffet table in my kitchen for two months and remained there when 24 people came over for Christmas Eve dinner. No one moved it; not even the children. The bag held the last personal belongings of our mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother, and it seems almost irreverent to examine the only tangible things of value that remained after 87 years of life.

My husband and I finally opened the velvet bag and placed the rings in a container of jewelry cleaner. We left the necklace and earrings inside, tied the pouch, and placed it in the donation box. I hope someone will be pleased to wear the items.

The two rings have been professionally cleaned and are stored in jewelry boxes. I’m saving her wedding ring for my daughter and her daughter. As for the Mother’s Ring, I hope to meet a woman who had babies in January, September, and October, and I’ll give it to her. This ring deserves and needs to be celebrated.

Midlife Cabernet: When it’s Time to Divorce the Siblings

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I’m officially announcing my intention to divorce my siblings and take applications for a new sister and/or brother. There is no monetary value to this arrangement but the reward will be in the celebration of a festive and positive relationship with me as a sister. Such a deal!

I made this decision last week after enjoying yet another birthday without hearing from either of my two brothers. No card. No phone call. Not even a pre-designed, automatic email. Time is wasting because I’ve had more birthdays that I’ll have again. It would be nice to pretend that there is a sibling who actually gives a damn. And I can promise clever birthday cards, jolly songs, and good wine in return.

Full disclosure: The younger brother called the day after my birthday and left a short voice mail. And I haven’t seen or heard from the scoundrel older brother in 15 years so I’m not really surprised at the continued neglect. I would like them to know, however, that I help take care of their invalid mother and she would love to hear from them sometime, too.

My brothers and I were raised to compete, work hard, and die without hugs or humor. I opted out of that failed formula and chose to be totally nuts about loving and laughing. Not wanting to repeat my own family dysfunction, I adamantly made it a priority to raise my children to truly love each other, and I’m profoundly grateful that they do. I’m sorry their uncles don’t know them. One of my brothers hasn’t even met my children’s children or my husband. What a profound loss for these hapless brothers.

So, beginning immediately, I am declaring my availability for sisterhood. Obviously, I’m not very good at it but I’m willing to learn. The only requirements are to exchange annual birthday cards and get together every once in awhile for laughs and libations. To proclaim the sibling designation, I’ll design a plaque with the appropriate golf-leaf certificate and exchange a good bottle of Cabernet.

Finally, to my twin sister who died before we were born: I still miss you. We could have enjoyed some crazy fun together. I’ll never forget what should have been your birthday.

Today’s blog was fueled by a 2011 McKenna Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa, California. We served it at my birthday party, and there was abundant laughter, dancing, and celebration with true friends.

Midlife Cabernet: You Can Enjoy a Family Vacation without Drama, Bloodshed, or Lawsuits

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I recently joined my adult children and their families on a wonderful trip to the Oregon Coast. This is a remarkable achievement for me because I have two brothers within a day’s drive of my home and we would rather eat rancid snot than spend an hour with each other.

I haven’t seen my older brother in 17 years, and now I wonder if I could convince a reality show to sell lucrative sponsorships to document a reunion. He would do that for the money. My younger brother would just ask, “So, why do you want to get together, anyway?”

My parents were strict, hard-working farmers who couldn’t be bothered with family vacations or sibling relationships. My father started each day at 6:00 am by blaring John Philip Sousa marches throughout the house, pounding on our bedroom doors, and hollering, “Get up. Time is money!” That explains my uncontrollable eye twitch every time I hear “Stars and Stripes Forever.”

My dad was a brilliant businessman who worked from poverty to riches, but he lost his family along the way. After he died young, my brothers conspired together to acquire his abundant estate. It was a scene from the final chapter of The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck. I attempted to protect my mother’s finances and so my older brother, a lawyer, sued me. I won the suit and was awarded a court order against him. Consequently, there haven’t been any laughing, loving vacations together.

My brother has never met my husband (or the one before him) or my children’s spouses or their children. That is an enormous loss for my brother because my kids are fabulous and have the lives I always wanted for them. They love each other, and their children are close cousins. It’s like The Waltons – the old television show not the billionaire family with all the stores.

Last week I watched my children and their families play along the beach, learn about whales, throw nets to catch crabs, hike through an enchanted forest, and sit around a campfire. The parents introduced clam chowder to their five children, jostled diapers and dogs in a rented recreational vehicle, and explored new vistas along the coast. Best of all, they laughed together. And then they eagerly planned the next family vacation.

I can’t change my past or make my brothers arrive at my door with a baked turkey and a pie. Well, not without a food taster. But I can move forward with gratitude that my children broke my family’s tradition of tense animosity. And, if either one threatened a law suit, the other would just laugh and bring out some snacks and adult beverages. In one respect, my father was correct. Time is money, as long as it’s time spent together as a family. My grandchildren are rich, indeed.

Today’s blog was fueled by a 2009 Dunham Cellars Cabernet Sauvignon from Columbia Valley. This velvety wine is full-bodied and delightful. It’s more expensive than the tasty Trutina from Dunham Cellars, so save it for a special occasion – such as any day ending with the letter y…