Thanks, Mom! My Blog is a Winner

open casket

I’m going to New York as one of the winners in the BlogHer Voices of the Year Competition. Since 2005, BlogHer has presented the largest conference for (mostly) women online content creators on the planet. At the heart of the conference, presented this year in New York City from July 17-19, is the annual Voices of the Year ceremony. Thousands of entries were submitted by … [Read more...]

Prom Dress or Pole Dancer Costume?

gold dress

One of the many advantages of being a crusty curmudgeon is that I can shake my head, roll my eyes, and mutter about this spring’s sexualized prom dresses displayed by petulant teenage girls taking duck-faced selfies while festooned like bridesmaids and pole dancers pecking about on teeny high-heeled sandals. The guys will be suffering inside a tuxedo while lamenting that the … [Read more...]

Start Your Own Easter Parade

easter fashion

(Featured  April 3, 2015 on Midlife Boulevard http://midlifeboulevard.com/start-easter-parade/ and Huffington Post 50 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elaine-ambrose/start-your-own-easter-parade_b_6999574.html) In the 1880s, the Easter Parade became the spring “to do” festivity for people bored with winter and ready to show off their finery. The occasion began as a … [Read more...]

To Get Your Blog Noticed, Add “Fart” to the Title

fart sign

Today my blog titled “How a Fart Paid My Bills” was featured on three Huffington Post pages, Comedy, Books, and Technology, and also distributed through Huffington Post Twitter. Within three hours, the silly blog was the top trending news article on several resource sites, including World News, FeedPile, LockerDome, Regator, TechNewsNow, and Inagist. Once again, my fart is … [Read more...]

How a Fart Paid my Bills

#1 amazon midlife cab

    (Featured on The Huffington Post Comedy on April 2, 2015) Many writers are opposed to writing for free, and I don’t blame them. It’s nice to get paid for our work, and “exposure” won’t pay the bills. But, sometimes a silly blog submitted on a prominent site can result in unexpected income. A few months ago, I wrote a humiliating post about farting … [Read more...]

Five Excellent Products You Didn’t Know You Needed

thin optics

  I appeared on KIVI-TV Good Morning Idaho to show five new products that can make your life easier. Who knew you could carry reading glasses on your cell phone?   ThinOPTICS is the revolutionary stem-less reading glasses that fit inside your phone case. The ThinOPTICS team tested over 200 prototypes on over 800 users to create innovative reading glasses that … [Read more...]

Airport Bathrooms can Drain Your Soul

woman toilet

       (Featured on The Huffington Post Travel, March 27, 2015) As a frequent traveler through life and space, I often have the need to use a restroom in an airport. Such necessary actions require tenacity, humility, and tolerance, human attributes that may not eagerly spring into action after sitting four hours on a plane with a middle-age … [Read more...]

When Your Parents were Lovers

mom dad 1947 2

(Featured on The Huffington Post 50 on March 20, 2015) The grainy, black-and-white photographs from 1946 fluttered to the floor, free from decades of bondage among hundreds of photos in my mother's leather albums. I picked up the images and stared at my parents and strained to imagine the young couple in love. My father stood in his Army fatigues in front of a row of … [Read more...]

Jolly Jaunts on the Mother-Daughter Journey

emily purple hair

 Featured on The Huffington Post 50, March 23, 2015. My daughter has purple hair, colorful tattoos, and she teaches physical and mental health to her loyal clients. I have thin hair, gnarly age spots, and I tell jokes until people snort beer from their noses. Though we have varied techniques of pleasing our intended audiences, we guarantee customer satisfaction and life … [Read more...]

Public Breastfeeding can be Expressed in Good Taste

public breastfeeding

(Featured on the Huffington Post Comedy on March 16, 2015)   I recently attended an elegant wedding at a seaside resort where the gift table and the guests were well-endowed. However, there was some engorged indignation at the reception as two perky women nursed their babies without discreetly covering the bobbing heads of the darling sucklings. One of the … [Read more...]

How to Thaw a Cold Childhood and Create a Warm Family

ambrose truck elaine tom

  Grown-up Me traveled to a conference in Nashville last week to speak to a national gathering of women bloggers. I smiled with confidence and prepared to meet, greet, and tweet. Then I noticed the conference sponsor -- a frozen food company introducing a new product -- and Grown-up Me disappeared. A small child stood in my place. As the Little Girl Me, I felt … [Read more...]

The Ugly Reality of Fake Beauty

elaine photoshopped

  Two photographs of me taken 15 minutes apart illustrate the powerful allure of altered images. In one photograph, I look like a sagging, seasoned but sassy senior citizen. In the other one, I resemble the beautiful actress Katherine Zeta Jones. It’s amazing what a talented professional photographer can do with a new software program that rearranges facial features. I … [Read more...]

Outline for Presentation at BAM Conference

BAM Publishing Panel Getting Published Online and in Print – Elaine Ambrose Getting published is a worthy goal for a writer. I’ve gone both ways (sounds kinky). My book Menopause Sucks was through a traditional agent and Adams Media, one of the country’s top nonfiction publishing houses. Then, I started my own publishing company, Mill Park Publishing. I’ve … [Read more...]

The Midlife Blogger Booster Shot

BAM write blog outside

Do you want to reinvent yourself? Attend an inspirational conference for midlife bloggers. Not since Scarlett O’Hara transformed velvet drapes into an elegant gown to hide her poverty in the movie Gone With the Wind has there been such an effective way to announce, “I adapted, I survived, I am relevant!” And, there was no need for Rhett Butler. Women came through snowstorms, … [Read more...]