A Scholarly Defense of Class Clowns

Psychologists, well-meaning intellectuals, and exasperated teachers will claim that the class clown is a disruptive, annoying problem-child who is disguising deep emotional pain by acting like an amateur comedian just to get attention. I say that’s academic nonsense because some funny people just like to cause laughter and that’s SO much better than instigating food […]

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I’ve Become a Stinkin’ Cartoon

My friends and family have known for years that I am a character and a cartoon, but now I can cut loose some real proof. My “Don’t Fart in an MRI” inspired Lola, the sassy curmudgeon of the daily comic pages, to assume the position and copy me. I don’t want to raise a stink, […]

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The Christmas Fort

Two decades ago, before the popularity and distraction of video games, cell phones, and personal computers, children played outside. They rode bikes, threw balls to each other in the park, scouted for frogs in the ditch, and climbed trees. And they built forts. Our family moved into a new subdivision when my son was in […]

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My Nutcracker Died

The old soldier fell out of the ornament box and surrendered on the floor. His left arm finally rebelled against years of reapplied glue, and his right arm no longer felt secured under the yellowed scotch tape. A boot was missing, his mouth no longer opened, and his cracker wouldn’t crack. I could relate in […]

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Published Today on HuffPo and Midlife Boulevard

Two of my essays were published today on two wonderful sites: Huffington Post and Midlife Boulevard:   http://midlifeboulevard.com/humiliate-myself-ambrose/ On Midlife Boulevard, I tell the true but agonizing tale of the time my toenails plopped into my soup at an exclusive private club. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elaine-ambrose/candy-trains_b_6276154.html   On Huffington Post 50, I describe our 30-year-old family tradition of […]

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Book Signing Dec. 12 at The Village in Meridian

Elaine will be signing copies of her new book Midlife Cabernet at the new boutique store Her Spirit Wear in The Village at Meridian – it’s between Buckle and The Counter. Stop by for guaranteed laughter! She’ll be there from 4:00 pm until around 8:00 pm, or until it’s time to meander over to Twigg’s Wine Bar… […]

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Sweet Traditions with Candy Trains

Mix three wonderful items – kids, Christmas, and candy – and create some fun and lasting memories by making candy trains. They are magic because they disappear before New Year’s Eve. We first made candy trains more than thirty years ago when my two children were toddlers. Now, their children and I meet on a […]

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A Visit from Aunt Flo: A Spotty History of Menstruation

  Men can get away with belching contests, lighting farts, and peeing on the golf course. Women bleed every month for 40 years and suffer from moodiness, cramps, bloating, and pain. Personally, I’d rather trade activities with the men. Polite and proper society never discusses menstruation, even though millions of women are having their periods […]

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Are You a Victim of CRAP on the Internet?

I have CRAP Disease, a malady that stands for Compulsive Reader of Angry Posts. I know that certain messages on social media will cause sniveling trolls to wake from their burrow in the basement to slobber over their keyboards, grunt with excitement, and feverishly hurl illiterate, nasty, and incoherent comments. I start to read them […]

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Recipe for Pecan Pie and Keeping it Real

  Pecan pie with real whipped cream has little nutritional value, but it makes my family happy and I’ve made the same recipe for the past 30 Thanksgiving feasts. An added pleasure is to see the joy on my granddaughter’s face as she licks the beaters, just as her mother did decades ago. I use […]

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