My mother died on November 1, so this is our first Thanksgiving without her. To make the occasion less painful, I’ve decided to think of funny things she used to do before dementia took her away. For space constraints, the long list has been pruned to only six memories.
- Turkey pudding. My mother overcooked the Thanksgiving turkey for two days. For some reason, she thought she was a pilgrim doing a slow-roast over a pit behind the covered wagon so she set the bird in the oven before midnight on low heat and basted it every hour. As a result, she was tired by dinner the next day and the turkey had lost all its shape as the butterball morphed into turkey pudding hanging off the carcass.
- Sinking the gravy boat. Because the turkey took all the space in the oven, she cooked the green bean casserole, the potatoes, the gravy, and the stuffing on the stove – all at the same time. She wrapped bread rolls in tin foil and stuffed them around the turkey until they hardened into crusty dough balls. When the gravy was thick enough to stand on its own without a pan, it was time to eat.
- Death by sugar. Mom thought there should be a dessert per person. If a dozen guests were coming for dinner, there would be at least four pies, four cakes, and four platters of fudge. Pants and belts were adjusted accordingly.
- Cutest cook ever. She required real whipped cream on the pies, so she would aggressively operate her trusty hand mixer like a frantic high-speed drill until the cream was two seconds shy of becoming real butter. She wore a festive, handmade apron over her best holiday sweatshirt, so she resembled a jolly, plump elf scurrying about the kitchen.
- Pilfering the pie. My mom loved my aunt’s sweet potato pie and assumed it was a healthy dish because it used a vegetable, despite the butter, brown sugar, pecans, and marshmallow sauce. She would sneak a bowl for herself and hide it behind the pickles in the back of the refrigerator. She later grinned with delight about her sneaky accomplishment.
- Her signature dishes. Like a dutiful drill sergeant, she organized the girls and women-folk to hand-wash all the dishes after the meal while the men meandered to the living room to pat their bellies and watch football. She took great pride in dividing leftovers into equal portions and filling Tupperware containers and Corningware dishes for guests to take home. To insure her items were identified and returned, she used fingernail polish to paint her initials on all the containers. I now have stacks of dishes sporting faded red initials “LA.”
This Thanksgiving, the family will come together to toast the holiday and give thanks for our abundant blessings. Some things will remain the same: commotion will come from the children’s table, the men will wrestle for the last turkey leg, and I will declare that red wine goes with turkey – and everything else. The most noticeable difference will be the empty chair at the table. Happy Thanksgiving, Mom. Maybe I’ll sneak a bowl of sweet potatoes for you. Thanks for the funny memories.
Ted says
I am sorry for your loss and know that this day will be filled with various emotions as you think about the empty chair where mom should be sitting. This is my second Thanksgiving without my mother sitting at the table with the family and I will also be remembering the good times and the funny little sayings mom expressed, especially during the holidays. While my dad will be here for Thanksgiving dinner today, he is in last stages of dementia so this could be our last holiday season with him. Simply a reminder of how we need to cherish the good times with family and live each day to its fullest!
Thank you so much for sharing your memories about your mom.
Lois Alter Mark says
Love that she hid the sweet potato pie for herself! Now that’s my kind of woman! Glad you have all these great memories to get you through the holiday. Wishing you a very happy Thanksgiving.
Ruth Knox says
Looks like your mom will always be part of thanksgiving, empty chair or not.
Jackie says
The first holidays following such a loss are always the most difficult. Humor helps. As does wine. Clearly, you know this already. Happy Thanksgiving!
Shannon Bradley-Colleary says
What’s funny was when you wrote about your mom basting the turkey every hour overnight I had a Pavlovian reaction and started lactating as though my daughters were suddenly infants that had to eat every three hours again. Which is a little bit creepy, I admit.
bodynsoil says
I’m so sorry for your loss, I love that you are sharing your mom memories for the holiday however. They made me laugh, my mother is a very good cook, she has had her flops as well. The story of your mothers turkey pudding was funny.
Jo Ann Uline says
As kids we hated sweet potatoes with a passion, however each year at Christmas since my Dad died I cook a sweet potatoe for him.
Donna says
Sor grateful for the second witness that sweet potato pie is a vegetable therefore a healthy dessert. First holidays, or any holidays can be hard without loved ones. She is there in every memory and hard roll. You are a good daughter.