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Flying the Flag of Freedom

July 4, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

Warning: I may call upon my friends for money to get me out of jail. That’s because my overconfident use of the freedom of speech often gets me into trouble. I predict that at the July 4th parade there will be some punks (young and old) who don’t stand up, don’t remove their hats, and don’t place their hands over their hearts when the flag goes past. That’s when I’ll admonish them to show respect or don’t come to the party, and then a fight could start and I’ll be hauled off to jail.

I was raised by parents and teachers who shared a love of country and a reverence for the flag of the United States. I realize that’s not taught much anymore, and that’s too bad. Too many people have fought and died for that flag, and I’m not ashamed to get teary eyed when the band plays “Stars and Stripes” as the flag waves in the breeze. Yes, one of the many advantages of getting older is that I don’t need to be politically correct about anything, and I can declare that I truly do love this country. And when the music starts, I will sing out loud that I’m proud to be an American.

So, we’ll go to the parade, and we’ll raise and lower the flag at the cabin, and we’ll enjoy barbecue and beer because we’re free to do so. Then we’ll raise a glass of exquisite wine and toast the brave patriots who finished the final documents on the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776. Happy July 4th!

To celebrate our nation’s independence, we’re having a fabulous bottle of 2009 Caymus Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa Valley. This rich wine is so good we might organize our own parade. If I’m still in jail, I hope someone smuggles in a glass for me.

Elaine Ambrose

If We Could Turn Back Time, We Wouldn’t

June 29, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

I read an online article that declared women over 45 shouldn’t wear bling jewelry or jeans with decorated pockets. I read these silly rules while wearing my brilliant, dangling earrings with my favorite fancy jeans. I can only conclude that middle-aged women have earned the right to wear whatever they choose, and advice columnists under 45 should remember that.

After several decades of being told what to do, what to wear, what not to eat, and how to behave, I join a growing group of proud and loud women over 50 who gleefully proclaim: I can do what I want to do. (We can’t scream our independence because that would be perceived as being bitchy and obnoxious.) We acknowledge that lolling around in jammies isn’t appropriate all the time, but there are glorious days when we pull on the sweat pants and mismatched sweaters, curl up with good books, and revel in our ability to say “Bite me” to every young, skinny critic wobbling past on five-inch heels and toting exaggerated self-importance.

If a mysterious tornado suddenly swooped us to an alien land and some powerful wizard offered us the power to turn back time, we’d probably decline. Given the choice of being 30 and reliving the demands of young children, new careers, weak relationships, and financial problems, we’d take the chance to be our age and continue living in our sweats and enjoying a glass of good Cabernet. Really.

I do miss the energy of my youth, and there are countless times I wish I could rock my sweet babies one more time. But, now I get to spoil my grandkids. And, they love my bling.

Did you know women over 50 can laugh?

June 29, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

What’s More Fun?

June 19, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

Manuscripts and Mulligans: A Woman’s Writing and Playing Retreat

June 19, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

The next writing retreat offered by bestselling author Elaine Ambrose is August 11-13 in Meridian, Idaho. Preview the details here: Manuscripts and Mulligans

The Domestic Humorist Challenge

June 17, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

Last November, social media exploded into a regurgitated cesspool of vicious vitriol oozing like a toxic stew of vomit. It was worse than my first date in college. I attempted to balance the negativity by posting at least one humorous or positive meme every day, supplementing with witty blog posts. After seven months and more than 200 daily memes, I’m done. Readers are on their own.

I hope the memes have caused a few smiles on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. My Instagram account was hacked and deleted, but I still have the other accounts. Before I totter off to the sweet solitude of writing, I’d like to offer The Domestic Humorist Challenge, as opposed to the popular but irritating and dangerous Domestic Terrorist Wanabe collection of reckless writers on social media.

In my opinion, some of the despicable comments border on domestic terrorism and anarchy. This post came through my Facebook page last week:

From a woman named LauralLynn writing about President Trump: “I have stayed away from the news, in hopes they will just throw his ass to the wolves…literally, throw his ass into a cage of wild wolves and let them feast.” She added a smiling face for accent.

In my opinion, such a comment only fuels the flames of contempt and chaos. The remark did nothing to promote a positive attitude of comradery and community that is needed to strengthen the foundation of a civilized society. With every snarling comment, we’re getting closer to living in the final sequel of the Mad Max movies.

mad max mel gibson.jpg — Max with the Feral Child

(Interesting trivia: To prove that riveting dialogue wasn’t a key component in Mad Max 2 – The Road Warrior, Max, played by actor Mel Gibson, only has 16 lines of dialogue, and his first line wasn’t spoken until 11 minutes into the film.)

The Domestic Humorist Challenge. To neutralize the eruption of domestic terrorists on social media, I’m offering the Domestic Humorist Challenge. It’s more fun, and no one gets shot. The challenge comes without multi-level marketing pitches, selfie portraits, or obligations to forward a message or suffer from infected boils on your butt.

Here are the suggested rules:

Review the messages you’ve written and liked during the past few months, and note the balance between complaints and praise.
For the next week, don’t post, like, or forward any negative comments on your public social media accounts. This may require opening a private snark account with you as the only recipient.
Write and post positive or humorous remarks that add value to readers and contribute to constructive action. Sneak in some gratitude. Just try it, ye of little faith.
Block or unfriend those who continue to vomit vicious words and memes on Facebook and Twitter. Did a nasty meme or screaming stranger ever change your opinion about anything?
At the end of the week, evaluate your mood. The goal of this challenge is for you to feel better about what you’ve written and for more people to contribute something positive or funny. If you relapse and have a shaking desire to post several hostile messages about anything (including politicians, kale salads, or feral children), go back to Step 1.

Some serious facts: The US Patriot Act defines domestic terrorism as the result of a US citizen attempting to do something that is dangerous to human life in our country. The government has identified at least 15 domestic terrorist organizations and that doesn’t include individuals. A website regularly records incidents of domestic terrorist attacks, going back to the assassination of President Lincoln in 1865 and updated this week with the attempted murders of Republican lawmakers in Alexandria, Virginia.

With that much hostility, it’s no wonder we’re all crabby and slightly paranoid. We’re living in a Greek Tragedy that only Shakespeare could appreciate. It’s time to fight back (in a non-threatening way) and become a Domestic Humorist. Who wants to play?

Finally, here are a few of my favorite memes from the past 200 days: