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Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Fabulous Facts about My Daughter

March 27, 2023 By Elaine Ambrose

After more than four decades of watching and knowing my daughter, I continue to appreciate her strengths and talents. We’re alike because we love to travel and enjoy making people laugh. We’re different because she’s more empathetic and doesn’t need a public microphone. Here are some interesting facts about her.

1.  She is a resilient maverick. After 22 hours of labor, she emerged between metal forceps as the doctor braced his foot against the bed and pulled. She weighed almost 10 pounds and was rushed to the Intensive Care Unit with an Apgar Score of 3. That’s when I knew all the pleasant birth and parenting videos were wrong. I finally got to see and hold her 12 hours later. For the next few months, I woke to touch her every few hours to make sure she was breathing.

2.  She is precocious. We loved to read books together, and she memorized more than 20 nursery rhymes by the age of two. I know that’s true because I wrote about it in my journal. She’s still an avid reader.

3. She is adaptable. She had six bedrooms in two states by the time she was six. The photo in the rocking chair was taken when we lived at Sand Springs Ranch on the edge of a canyon overlooking the Snake River. We were forced to move, I was seven months pregnant, and she became my dependable helper.

4.  She is organized. We created and hosted wellness retreats for women at mountain cabins in Central Idaho. She taught yoga, made healthy meals, and guided the groups on hiking excursions to hidden hot springs. She created crafts for the participants and led inspirational workshops. She also taught me how to set up a website and establish social media accounts. Now she plans workshops, retreats, a podcast, events, and goat yoga.

5.  She is healthy. She owned the Stroller Strides franchise and helped young mothers exercise with their babies. She opened a private gym and tailored classes to all ages of women. We jogged in the 5K Women’s Fitness Challenge in Boise. I was one of the last people at the end of the race, but I finished.

6. She loves the arts. We saw Broadway musicals in London, New York, Chicago, and San Francisco. She starred in a play in high school and later at a community theatre in Hawaii. She also won a writing award from the Idaho Writers Guild and helped translate one of my children’s books.

7.  She loves to travel. We traveled to Europe twice and visited France, Italy, Germany, and Spain. We enjoyed excursions when she studied for a year in Guanajuato, Mexico. We traveled with my mother on an 11-day train trip across Canada from Toronto to Vancouver. (We decided three days would have been sufficient.)

8.  She’s funny and has an amazing sense of humor. As a child, she could make me laugh at her stories, antics, and imitations.

9.  She is ready for adventure. She visited Hawaii after college graduation and decided to stay. She taught at the Waldorf School on Maui and worked on a tourist boat. When I was 52, we hiked and backpacked for three days across the Haleakala Crater on Maui, Hawaii. I was ready to quit and go live in the forest, but she encouraged me to keep going. So, I did. She returned to Idaho with her future husband and a sweet baby girl.

10. She speaks with authentic compassion. Her eulogy to my mother blended affection, humor, and inspiration to her memories of her beloved Grandma Sweetie.

One key fact about my daughter is that she is an incredible mother. She has two unique and precious daughters, and they are confident, talented girls. After my daughter had a baby with special needs, the medical professionals told her the baby wouldn’t be able to breastfeed. “Hold my beer” could have been her motto. She worked with the baby until she proved to the doctors that it could be done. Her dedication to her family is commendable.

If I could change anything about raising my daughter, it would be to reduce the long hours she spent in various childcare facilities. I worked full-time to pay the bills and establish my career, and there weren’t any job-sharing opportunities available. Those crucial years can’t be replaced. The bittersweet irony of motherhood is that we live more years without our children than with them. That’s another fact not explained in the parenting videos.

I love my daughter and wish her good health and happiness..

 

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #health, adventure, career, childcare, daughters, family, Humor, parenting, travel

Bewildered by Buzzwords

January 27, 2016 By Elaine Ambrose

 

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Every day I receive energetic appeals to register for various podcasts, online workshops, and Internet training courses that will save me from a wretched existence of wasted potential. Each request contains similar buzzwords that promise true enlightenment and warn of catastrophic failure if I don’t join, pay, read, or promote various products and services. But what if I don’t want to lean in or define a new paradigm?

After 30 years of professional work I feel empowered to share my version of a creative course that utilizes overexposed buzzwords to motivate the masses. My strategic carnival show will be titled: “Buzzword Bull – How to Maneuver the Barnyard and Avoid the Manure.” To maximize the return on investment and optimize sustainability, I’ll employ guerilla marketing and stand outside my virtual circus tent to seduce prospective clients with my golden barking oratory.

“Ladies and Gentlemen! Step right up and be the first to see the show! You’ll be amazed by the performance, and if you buy today we’ll give you a free bottle of Big Top Stool Softener.” After I convinced people to participate, I would scatter buzzwords and platitudes like popcorn and peanuts.

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Synergy. This word predicts a perfect environment of collaboration and interaction. I would draw attention to the lady standing on the galloping horse. That shows synergy, and one mistake by horse or rider could result in tragedy. To succeed in business, don’t stand on a galloping horse.

Risk. Notice the daredevil on the high wire. Can you be so bold? What is your safety net? Do you have an insurance policy? Action items don’t count if you’re dead.

Tenacious Teamwork. See those clowns in the burning building? If they don’t work together to escape in the clown car they’ll become crispy critters. Don’t be like that.

Win-Win Situation. This happens when I take your money and you learn or laugh from my show. This won’t happen for you if I take your money and you gain nothing. I still win.

Think Outside the Box.
Am I the only one who thinks this is a stupid term? What does that mean? I don’t think INSIDE a box, so it doesn’t apply to me. If it suggests try something new, just say that.

Measurable Parameters
. Don’t intimidate me with four-syllable words. The term “profit or loss” is proven and sufficient. It costs you $5 for a bag of popcorn worth only 10 cents. Again, this sale is a win for me.

Monetize your blog. That phrase sounds more professional but it’s the same as using your blog to sell ads or endorse products and services. I can monetize the production and packaging of a perishable product or sell you some popcorn.

Brainstorm and devise a dialog. A brainstorm reminds me of a hangover, and I’d rather just talk. Devise a dialog? That’s silly talk.

Become a Change Agent. What? Isn’t that what a cashier does when I need to break a twenty?

Total Quality Management.
Entire corporations continue to embrace this popular concept. But consider the alternative. No one would advocate Mediocre or Partial Quality Management. The TQM system attempts to reduce errors in manufacturing, streamline management, improve customer relations, and train employees. Shouldn’t successful businesses be doing that anyway?

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Buzzwords and motivational quotes have been around for centuries. In 1750, Benjamin Franklin said, “To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions.” That’s good advice that applies today. One of the bestselling business books was written in 1998 by Spencer Johnson, M.D. His book Who Moved My Cheese sold more than 20 million copies and basically advised business people to embrace change because it’s inevitable and you’ll die if you don’t adapt. Not as pithy as Benjamin Franklin, but obviously true.

During my career, I worked for various companies that advocated the buzzword of the day. I was a manager at a Fortune 500 corporation when a bestselling business book asked about the color of your parachute. I will never need a parachute because I don’t intend to jump out of an airplane or off a bridge. Ever. So, I don’t care what color it is. At another job, I rewrote the corporate motto in the Annual Report by removing the phrase “optimize quantitative shareholder value” and substituting the word “profit.” In modern business vernacular, common sense has left the building and retired to a remote island.

Before I allow buzzwords to be the death of me, I must admit that I own several motivational posters and books, and I’ve been a satisfied consumer of podcasts, newsletters, online courses, and Internet workshops. But I don’t need exaggerated hype to attract me. I’m interested in a quality product for a good price.

My next book will be called Who Moved My Cheese Plate? Order today and receive a coupon for a total quality, transformational glass of wine.

 

Published on The Huffington Post January 18, 2016

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #humor, #midlife, business humor, career, corporation, marketing, Total Quality Management, What Color is Your Parachute, Who Moved My Cheese?

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