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Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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You are here: Home / Archives for George Carlin

George Carlin

Survive the Summer with Songs

July 23, 2021 By Elaine Ambrose

music from noise

I grew up listening to The Captain and Tennille singing about “Muskrat Love” and The Carpenters warbling “Sing of good things, not bad. Sing of happy, not sad.” I believe those two songs were solely responsible for the rise of heavy metal bands and for Black Sabbath’s song “Electric Funeral” about nuclear annihilation. It’s all about balance.

To survive this summer of irritating noise, make music an important part of your life. Turn off the news and listen to tunes that inspire, soothe, and tap dance through your mind with promises that the political elections will end in November. At the stroke of midnight on December 31, you’ll take a cup of kindness yet and sing “Auld Lang Syne” with the eager passion of a professional soloist despite knowing that when the sun rises you won’t be able to carry a tune in an empty punch bowl. But for a brief moment, when the year is new and full of untainted potential, you’ll become a soulful crooner for all the ages, sharing your song with the universe.

Your challenge is to keep the music playing long after the confetti is thrown into the garbage, the bills are past-due, and prosperity is still elusive. The late comedian George Carlin said, “It’s called The American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.” His acerbic humor nailed it. How can you sing a joyful song when life keeps dumping junk on your head? Maybe you’re unemployed or in a lousy job, or you haven’t had any loving since 2008, or your dog ran away. Look on the bright side – you could write Country Western songs!

happy sad music

Music and mood are closely interrelated — listening to a sad or happy song alters your moods and has the ability to change your perception of the world around you. For example, gothic metal music makes me want to destroy something with a chain saw, while a classical aria causes me to (almost) levitate with elation. In a stressful situation, a little dose of “Walking on Sunshine” could be all it takes to relieve the tension.

Here are some exercises to prove that music alters your mood. Imagine seeing and hearing the following scenarios:

You’re struggling in the steaming jungles of Vietnam as you hear the foreboding song “The End” by The Doors as played in the movie Apocalypse Now. Then you’re drinking alone in a dark bar as a Billie Holiday impersonator croons “Gloomy Sunday.” You claw out of a deep depression only to hear Kansas singing “Dust in the Wind.” By now you should be wallowing on the floor, sobbing in anguish about the wretched world.

Now, pretend you’re twirling on a panoramic Austrian mountain meadow singing “The Sound of Music” with Julie Andrews. You’re even wearing a summer dress with a festive apron. Then transport yourself to a sunny beach listening to the jaunty tune of Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Finally, turn up the volume on Chariots of Fire or Rocky. Yo, Adrian! Are you smiling yet?

musical notes

No matter what festivity, calamity, or horror show blaring on the national news, you should have a song or two ready to suit the occasion. It’s healthy for the lungs and cleans out the debris in your mind if you warble a  popular song in your shower or drive along attempting to harmonize with your favorite collection of jaunty music featuring barbershop quartets. Add it to your bucket list this summer to make your own music to help you survive until the end of the year.

Don’t worry if you’re unsure about writing a song. Remember the immortal lyrics of that famous song by The Captain and Tennille that rose to #4 on the Billboard Charts – “Now he’s tickling her fancy, rubbing her toes. Muzzle to muzzle, now, anything goes as they wriggle, Sue starts to giggle.” That song includes synthesized sound effects simulating muskrat copulation. Yes, you can do better!

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #moods, #music, #politics, Chariots of Fire, George Carlin, news, sing

How to Write Humor – The Outline

June 6, 2018 By Elaine Ambrose

 

(Here’s my outline for “How to Write Humor.” I give this presentation for workshops andpresentations at various conferences.)

 

 

  1. Risk to Writing Humor
    1. What if they don’t laugh? What if they do?
    2. Do you laugh or cringe at your own sentence?
    3. Improve humor writing skills by reading, writing, and analyzing what makes you laugh.
  2. Elements of Humor – Choose a topic that combines at least two:
    1. Witty, clever, new twist
    2. Surprise, spontaneous, unexpected
    3. Bizarre, odd, absurd, not routine
    4. Ironic, shocking, mock frustration
    5. Naughty, obsessive, titillating
    6. Satirical, spoof, roast
    7. Self-depreciating, but don’t overdo it or audience will believe you’re a loser

  1. Writing Humor is Serious Work
    1. If you’re not funny, don’t write humor. Please.
    2. Don’t throw every gimmick and hope it works.
    3. Be original and creative. Find your niche.
    4. Edit, again and again. No one likes a long joke.
    5. Remember what makes you laugh as you write.
    6. Profanity is similar to hot spice: use it sparingly.
    7. Tie the end of the story or anecdote back to the beginning.
    8. Read your work out loud.
    9. Know your audience. Midlife humor won’t work for male teenage science students.
    10. Read other comedy writers: David Sedaris, Jill Conner Browne, George Carlin.
  2. Erma Bombeck – Still Funny, Twenty Years after Her Death
    1. I don’t ski because of all the ambulances.
    2. I would jog to hear heavy breathing again.
    3. He who laughs…lasts.

Examples of Humor in My Books

  1. Menopause Sucks – Quotes
    1. It’s a crying shame you could live to be 100 but only 20 of those years come with youthful vigor, shiny hair, smooth skin, multiple orgasms, and a flat stomach.
    2. Estrogen is the chemical commander-in-chief. Imagine a teeny tyrant running through your brain yelling, “Grow pubic hair now!” “Make that boob bigger.”
    3. After perimenopause – “Attention all sectors. Estrogen is leaving the body. Farewell party at noon in the pituitary gland.”
  2. Midlife Cabernet – Quotes
    1. I never intended to be divorced in my forties, but it happened. If love is blind, I need a white cane instead of a wedding dress.
    2. Unless your mother-in-law is a convicted felon or a pole dancer at the Kit Kat Klub, you should spend quality time with her.
    3. There are more than 250 million adults in the US, and each one started as a baby. They grew up and moved out, so there’s a high probability yours will, too.
    4. I used to feed my little ones with a spoon shaped like an airplane. Now they open their mouths every time they hear a plane.
  3. Establish Your Humor Identity
    1. Name, title, blog, logo, key audience
    2. Join and participate in online humor writing groups.
    3. Find speaking opportunities
    4. Exploit success – viral and award-winning blogs
    5. Be active on social media sites
    6. Create humorous memes to promote your brand
    7. Middle-aged women – my target audience – will appreciate this meme:

  1. Explore Opportunities to Expand Your Reach
    1. Collaborate with another author on a book.
    2. Apply to speak at conferences.
    3. Weekly test public reaction to your posts
  2. Keep Learning new Technologies
    1. Use various apps to copyright and date. Use Enlight app to distort photos.
    2. Know how to create and insert photos and videos.
    3. Save and recycle samples of your best writing.
    4. Keep a notebook for jokes, spontaneous ideas, people-watching, personal incidents, and funny quotes.
  3. Make Laugher, Make Money, and Make the World a Happier Place
    1. Sell on the popularity of your sparkling, creative wit.
    2. Give paid speeches and sell products at full retail after the speeches.
    3. Makes notes and evaluate after every presentation to improve experience
    4. Remember to keep laughing because the world needs humor.
    5. If all else fails, use a prop: Finger Puppets

 

Elaine Ambrose uses and distributes finger puppets in some of her keynote speeches.

Elaine Ambrose, Bestselling Author, Syndicated Blogger, Humorist

Website: [email protected], Email: [email protected]

 

©ElaineAmbrose2018

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #amwriting, #Erma Bombeck, David Sedaris, funny, George Carlin, Humor, Jill Conner Browne, memes, public writing, writing

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