Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Falling off the 2018 Merry-Go-Round

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2018 was a year of adventure, stress, and writing achievements. I’m looking forward to a quieter year of positive opportunities to balance the roller-coaster events of the past 12 months.

In January, we returned to the secluded, non-commercial golf resort of Villa del Palmar Loreto on the east coast of the Baja Peninsula. This private nature preserve doesn’t allow cruise ships, motor boats, or jet skis, so it’s quiet and peaceful. The golf course is spectacular with dramatic views of Danzante Bay.

In March, we escaped to Arizona to get out of the cold weather in Eagle, Idaho. I traveled to the University of Idaho in Moscow to initiate the Ambrose Storytelling Endowment. I established the endowment in honor of my late brother George, and the program includes an annual workshop, a faculty stipend, and a student cash award.

In April, I traveled to Dayton, Ohio to the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop to reconnect with my tribe. I was one of 40 Erma authors to have humorous stories published in an anthology titled, Laugh Out Loud.

I was a speaker at the Boise “Storyfort” program and at the McCall Arts Story Night. I spoke for several writing workshops connected with the Idaho Writers Guild, and returned to my hometown to speak at Wendell High School.

At the end of April, I had the privilege to return to Ireland with the Wayfinding Women tour. A group of women stayed in a castle and in cottages by the sea. We hiked the Burren, lunched at a tea house, strolled through the extensive Powerscourt Gardens, and toured the sacred Hill of Tara. We listened to visiting lecturers talk about Celtic Goddesses, the Divine Feminine, and historic fairy tales. I stayed in Dublin for two days after the tour to visit the cathedrals, see the Book of Kells in Trinity College, and find the Temple Bar. I felt invigorated as I navigated the travel arrangements by myself.

2018 was a year to accomplish writing goals. I finished the manuscript for my memoir Frozen Dinners and submitted it to Brown Books Publishing Group. Two of my children’s books received national writing awards.

Gators & Taters – A Week of Bedtime Stories won the 2018 Distinguished Favorite Award for Children’s Fiction from the Independent Press Awards. Thousands of books were submitted for the honor, but apparently the judges couldn’t resist the narrative rhythm of the imaginative stories. The Independent Press Award recognizes and honors independent publishers and authors and assists them gain more attention and to better purvey their content to a larger audience.

The annual Moonbeam Children’s Book Awards contest announced this year’s medal-winning books “in recognition of exemplary children’s books and their creators, and to celebrate children’s life-long reading.” The Silver Medal was awarded to The Magic Potato – La Papa Mágica – Story Book in English and Spanish.


In June, I returned to Ohio for the conference of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. For the second year in a row, I received a writing award for humor for my blog posts. I received the award from Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Connie Schultz (left) and NSNC President Lisa Smith Molinari.

In August, we returned to McCall to golf and boat around the lake. Then at the end of August, we made a sudden life-changing decision: we decided to move.

We found a house on the third fairway of Spurwing Gold Resort in Meridian. I put the Eagle house on the market and it sold in 31 days. I put the cabin on the market and it sold two months later. We scrambled to move out of two full houses into one. We survived an extensive remodeling project on the new house: two colors of paint on the walls and ceilings, new carpet, new window coverings, and 1,500-square-feet of wood flooring. There were numerous problems with plumbing, water damage, and the well, but we hired excellent workers to get everything fixed.


In September, we hosted the annual birthday/anniversary party at our house. Professional cowboy poet and musician Ernie Sites entertained about 60 guests.

In October, I hosted 12 family members to the touring production of “Lion King.”

In the middle of the fall remodeling project, I traveled to Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri to speak at the farm bureau state convention.
Then I organized the premiere party for my memoir at Telaya Winery. Looking back, I don’t know how we did it all.

We hosted Thanksgiving dinner for the family in our new home, and we enjoyed a busy Christmas season. For the 40th year in a row, I fixed prime rib for Christmas Eve.

So, the year is ending, and I’m still standing. I intend to write another book in 2019 to complete the midlife humor trilogy. As always, my goal is to get in shape and be healthier. I’ll try to reduce the amount of wine consumption. Maybe. I’m grateful for a loving and fun partner, a devoted son and his family, and for the many friends we have in our new community. 2019 will be splendid.

Finding Focus and Fairies on a Pilgrimage to Ireland

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My Irish eyes are smiling. I’m returning to Ireland for 10 days in April to meet a group of women in Dublin and embark on an adventure through Wayfinding Women, an organization that provides empowering spiritual retreats for women seeking joy, authenticity, purpose, and adventure. Irish jigs and limericks will be included.

I’ll be leading a discussion about writing and will create prompts for journaling with an emphasis on, “Your Journey is Your Story.” Throughout the week, we’ll include time to write about our personal experiences as we distance ourselves from the clamor and chaos back home. One of our goals is to return refreshed and ready to use our talents to motivate positive results within ourselves, our families, and our communities.

Ann Hoffman-Ruffner, the creator of Wayfinding Women, has completed life coaching programs through Brene Brown and Martha Beck. She has thirty years’ experience in acute care psychiatry and is a community educator on mental health and suicide prevention. I know we’re going to be good friends because she also likes good food, wine, Irish folklore, and jazz.

There are no strangers here, only friends that have not yet met. — William Butler Yeats, distinguished Irish poet.

 

For the first half of the adventure, we’ll stay in a private castle in Tipperary, built in 1760. I intend to write a few tall tales in the castle. Then we’ll travel to whitewashed cottages located on a hidden sandy beach beside the sea. Activities include hiking, a boat ride beneath the Cliffs of Moher on a cruise to Aran Islands, and festive feasts with local cuisine. Back in Dublin on my own, I’ll find some museums and attend a jazz show at an  historic Dublin pub known as  Searson’s Bar.

God is good, but never dance in a small boat.  – Irish Proverb

 

During the week, Ann will introduce the group to local people who possess sacred ancient gifts and will share their incredible knowledge with the group. We’ll visit Glendalough and walk through one of the most ancient monastic cities remaining in Ireland. Our journey will take us to Neolithic passage tombs and the majesty of the Hill of Tara, seat for the high kings of Celtic Ireland.

Your feet will bring you where your heart is. – Irish Proverb

I visited Ireland 15 years ago and became enchanted with its beauty, mystery, music, and charm. This will be my first time in Dublin, and I might find traces of my distant relatives. All I know is that my most infamous kinfolk owned a tawdry pub next to the River Liffey. I find this easy to believe.

Also, I’m excited to return and search for that magical group of mischievous fairies that taunted me from behind the Hawthorn trees in the meadow. We have stories to finish.

May you live to be hundred years. With one extra year to repent! – Irish Blessing

 

 

Midlife Creates the Right Time to Write

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Instead of moaning and groaning about empty nests, expanding waistlines, and lost libidos, midlife women should write something. Now is the time to release the passionate muse that has languished for years beneath responsibilities for raising children, establishing careers, maintaining homes, retaining happy marriages, and campaigning for political causes and charities. Middle-aged women have stories to tell, so they should convert the empty nest into a writing den, substitute the chocolate with a salad, and receive self-confidence from writing so they feel sexy enough to find that lost libido. This is a win-win situation.

typewriters

Here are some suggestions to inspire the writing process.

1. Write what you know. I couldn’t write well about a vegetarian, Socialist, nuclear physicist who sleeps with his/her dog and listens to rap music. Can’t do it. But, I thoroughly enjoyed writing Menopause Sucks because I’ve been there and it does! And, I laughed every time I wrote a sentence such as, “Let me tell you why you sneeze, fart, and wet your pants at the same time.” And, my fingers literally flew over the keyboard as I wrote about hairy toes, night sweats, and recommended sex toys. Yes, write what you know!

As always, there is a caveat. If you’re writing historical fiction or a detailed novel, research the facts about a certain era and write a story that fits. You weren’t a member of the Clan of the Cave Bear and you didn’t run away with a peasant boy from the 17th century, but with enough investigation, you can always imagine the scenarios and write a compelling story. Just don’t name an ancient heroine Mandy.

2. Take advantage of, no… exploit, the serendipity of your life. Develop fascinating characters modeled after your belching piano teacher, or your uncle who refuses to discuss his war wounds but smashes beer cans against his forehead, or the passenger in the airplane seat next to you who laughs in her sleep, or your child who cries when the Disneyland Nightlight Parade stops. You are surrounded by juicy writing prompts. Keep a notebook handy to write quotes and facts to use later. Start with a private journal and progress to a public blog. That byline could become a lifeline to revitalizing stagnant energy.

3. Read your work out loud. You will discover sentences, paragraphs, and complete pages that no one will understand or ever read again. You’ll find that preposition lounging at the end of a sentence that screams: I’M A HORRIBLE WRITER! READ NO FURTHER! Also, make note to delete exclamation points and unnecessary capital letters.

4. Believe that all the words tumbling around in your brain MUST get out or you will explode! Yes, you hear voices, but it’s your characters demanding that you set them free. If you’re fiddling with non-fiction, then quick, spew forth those creative ideas on napkins, notebooks, old envelopes, typewriters (I still have some), and even a computer. Write. Write. Write. You’ve read plenty of crap that others have written, which is proof that your work will be OK.

5. Continue to read and learn. Emulate your favorite authors. Janet Evanovich makes me howl with laughter and want to read more. On the other hand, E.L. James causes me to wish I were a vegetarian, Socialist, nuclear physicist who sleeps with my dog and listens to rap music. Her bestselling novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, is a hotbed of horrible writing featuring such provocative lines as, “Desire pools dark and deadly in my groin.” If I have anything pooling in my groin, I better run to the bathroom. Personally, I prefer two shades of grey during my romps in the hay: lights dim and lights off.

Writers should be honest enough to admit they need editors, smart enough to know their cousin shouldn’t design the book cover, and strong enough to read rejection letters and negative reviews without getting depressed. They can continue to hone their craft by attending writing workshops, joining literary groups, registering for writing retreats, mingling with other authors, and finding a space to write. And, they should say out loud every day, “I am a writer.” Then they must go write.

 

(Featured on The Huffington Post 50 page.)