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Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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You are here: Home / Archives for National Society of Newspaper Columnists

National Society of Newspaper Columnists

Falling off the 2018 Merry-Go-Round

December 31, 2018 By Elaine Ambrose

2018 was a year of adventure, stress, and writing achievements. I’m looking forward to a quieter year of positive opportunities to balance the roller-coaster events of the past 12 months.

In January, we returned to the secluded, non-commercial golf resort of Villa del Palmar Loreto on the east coast of the Baja Peninsula. This private nature preserve doesn’t allow cruise ships, motor boats, or jet skis, so it’s quiet and peaceful. The golf course is spectacular with dramatic views of Danzante Bay.

In March, we escaped to Arizona to get out of the cold weather in Eagle, Idaho. I traveled to the University of Idaho in Moscow to initiate the Ambrose Storytelling Endowment. I established the endowment in honor of my late brother George, and the program includes an annual workshop, a faculty stipend, and a student cash award.

In April, I traveled to Dayton, Ohio to the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop to reconnect with my tribe. I was one of 40 Erma authors to have humorous stories published in an anthology titled, Laugh Out Loud.

I was a speaker at the Boise “Storyfort” program and at the McCall Arts Story Night. I spoke for several writing workshops connected with the Idaho Writers Guild, and returned to my hometown to speak at Wendell High School.

At the end of April, I had the privilege to return to Ireland with the Wayfinding Women tour. A group of women stayed in a castle and in cottages by the sea. We hiked the Burren, lunched at a tea house, strolled through the extensive Powerscourt Gardens, and toured the sacred Hill of Tara. We listened to visiting lecturers talk about Celtic Goddesses, the Divine Feminine, and historic fairy tales. I stayed in Dublin for two days after the tour to visit the cathedrals, see the Book of Kells in Trinity College, and find the Temple Bar. I felt invigorated as I navigated the travel arrangements by myself.

2018 was a year to accomplish writing goals. I finished the manuscript for my memoir Frozen Dinners and submitted it to Brown Books Publishing Group. Two of my children’s books received national writing awards.

Gators & Taters – A Week of Bedtime Stories won the 2018 Distinguished Favorite Award for Children’s Fiction from the Independent Press Awards. Thousands of books were submitted for the honor, but apparently the judges couldn’t resist the narrative rhythm of the imaginative stories. The Independent Press Award recognizes and honors independent publishers and authors and assists them gain more attention and to better purvey their content to a larger audience.

The annual Moonbeam Children’s Book Awards contest announced this year’s medal-winning books “in recognition of exemplary children’s books and their creators, and to celebrate children’s life-long reading.” The Silver Medal was awarded to The Magic Potato – La Papa Mágica – Story Book in English and Spanish.


In June, I returned to Ohio for the conference of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. For the second year in a row, I received a writing award for humor for my blog posts. I received the award from Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Connie Schultz (left) and NSNC President Lisa Smith Molinari.

In August, we returned to McCall to golf and boat around the lake. Then at the end of August, we made a sudden life-changing decision: we decided to move.

We found a house on the third fairway of Spurwing Gold Resort in Meridian. I put the Eagle house on the market and it sold in 31 days. I put the cabin on the market and it sold two months later. We scrambled to move out of two full houses into one. We survived an extensive remodeling project on the new house: two colors of paint on the walls and ceilings, new carpet, new window coverings, and 1,500-square-feet of wood flooring. There were numerous problems with plumbing, water damage, and the well, but we hired excellent workers to get everything fixed.


In September, we hosted the annual birthday/anniversary party at our house. Professional cowboy poet and musician Ernie Sites entertained about 60 guests.

In October, I hosted 12 family members to the touring production of “Lion King.”

In the middle of the fall remodeling project, I traveled to Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri to speak at the farm bureau state convention.
Then I organized the premiere party for my memoir at Telaya Winery. Looking back, I don’t know how we did it all.

We hosted Thanksgiving dinner for the family in our new home, and we enjoyed a busy Christmas season. For the 40th year in a row, I fixed prime rib for Christmas Eve.

So, the year is ending, and I’m still standing. I intend to write another book in 2019 to complete the midlife humor trilogy. As always, my goal is to get in shape and be healthier. I’ll try to reduce the amount of wine consumption. Maybe. I’m grateful for a loving and fun partner, a devoted son and his family, and for the many friends we have in our new community. 2019 will be splendid.

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #amwriting, 2018, Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop, Frozen Dinners, Idaho Writers Guild, Ireland, journal, Loreto Mexico, move, National Society of Newspaper Columnists, Wayfinding Women, writing

Humor in E-Flat Alto

June 11, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

 

Mr. Webster, the Wendell, Idaho Elementary School band instructor, lowered his baton and glared at me. I held my E-flat alto saxophone like a barrier between us and immediately regretted blaring a series of offensive noises from my instrument while he was struggling to teach us a John Philip Sousa march.

“You’re not funny, Elaine,” the exasperated teacher said to me in front of the other students.

I knew not to say anything in return, a fact acquired from far too many trips to the Principal’s Office to atone for my disruptive behavior in class. But I thought to myself, “Well, yes I am.”

One of the reasons I didn’t pursue a career in education is because I didn’t want to teach students who behaved as I did. I’m still apologizing to former teachers and school administrators, and I’m a bit nervous that a few of my granddaughters seem to have inherited my spunky spirit. Fortunately, I chose to major in journalism and started to write stories, tall tales, jokes, and irreverent anecdotes. I’ve perfected that talent over the past fifty years.


I thought of Mr. Webster June 10 when I received an award at the annual conference of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists in Manchester, New Hampshire. The second-place honor was for my humorous essays on The Huffington Post. It’s been fun to write more than 150 articles for the HuffPo, and some of them have gone viral. I celebrated on stage and enjoyed talking with Maureen Dowd, Pulitzer Prize winning opinion writer for The New York Times.

“Wish you were here to see this, Mr. Webster,” I thought, faking an impromptu performance on an air saxophone. Maturity continues to elude me.


Proving that women over age 50 are desperate to laugh, the humor award follows another notable writing award. My latest book, Midlife Happy Hour, recently won First Place in the Independent Press Award for Midlife and was chosen “Distinguished Favorite” for Humor. I’m beyond midlife unless I live past 120, but I’m still writing and telling stories, even though sometimes my shirt is on backwards, I forget how to spell chaos, and I wear dark glasses and a trench coat in the store to buy bulk quantities of stool softener.


Joy seems to be balanced by sorrow, and the awards came during a time of emotional pain because my younger brother George died from cancer two weeks ago. He was funny and creative, and almost as obnoxious in school as I was. I intend to live every day with a sense of passion to help make up for the time he didn’t get. Now that my parents and brother are gone, there is no one left to call and say, “Look! I’m not a loser any more!”


The winning essays on The Huffington Post included my satire about my possessed friends turning into hysterical animals after the recent presidential election and the bittersweet reality of taking away my ailing mother’s car keys. They won for “Category G: Humor – Online, Blog and Multimedia Columns Over 50,000 Monthly Unique Visitors.”

 

The NSNC conference brought together friends I had met at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Dayton, Ohio, including Molly Stevens, Lee Gaitan, Gina Barreca, Jim Hands, and Leighann Lord. Now I have new best friends including Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and Jessica Leigh Lebos. I encourage women to attend writing conferences not only to improve their talents but to meet others who are traveling on similar paths. We may only see each other once a year, but we’re as close as an email or social media post.

My friends and family continue to provide excellent material for my books and blogs, and I hope they inspire me for another decade. When I begin to get tired, I’ll play some John Philip Sousa marches and strike up one more song for the band, one more tall tale for the blog, and one more anecdote for the book. I’m not done yet. Maybe somewhere an old music teacher named Mr. Webster is sitting in a retirement home reading my blogs. I hope he smiles.

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #Huffington Post, #humor, Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop, Independent Press Awards, Maureen Dowd, music teachers, National Society of Newspaper Columnists, school band, writing award

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