Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Oh Say, Can You See?

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USA in flag

At the twilight’s last gleaming, I finally arrived in Manchester, New Hampshire for the annual conference of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. The journey from Eagle, Idaho covered 2,400 miles in 10 hours and almost reached from sea to shining sea. Throughout the day, I read news of the latest political hysteria from the nation’s capital and relished my detachment at 30,000 feet.

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Finally in my hotel room, I opened the windows and saw the United States flag, flying proudly, as a strong reminder that despite all the ridiculous rhetoric and divisive sabotage among inept leaders on both sides, biased and corrupt reporting from some of the media, and bombastic accusations from a volatile public, somehow we remain in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

American author and storyteller Mark Twain once said, “Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.”

In my opinion, some of our government leaders are incompetent and don’t deserve our respect, but our country offers the best design through our brilliant and incomparable Constitution. We’re hanging on by the threads of the broad stripes and bright stars through a perilous fight, and if the Constitution is discounted, the red rockets’ red glare and bombs bursting in air will come from outside oppressors and internal anarchists that easily divide our country with the goal of defeating and destroying the United States of America.


In 1804, political grievances didn’t take years to resolve. Aaron Burr, the Vice President of the United States, and Alexander Hamilton, the former Secretary of the Treasury, resolved their differences through a duel with pistols. Hamilton lost. I’m not suggesting that politicians should shoot each other, but maybe they all could be transported to a private island stocked with treasure chests full of gold and booze. The country would get along just fine. Citizens who didn’t vote or couldn’t describe the Constitution would be sent to the island to forage with the politicians. Imagine a combination of The Hunger Games meets Survivor on Gilligan’s Island.

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The gallantly streaming flag once flying with defiance over the ramparts will fall forever if we don’t stop the heated arguments, incessant bitching, public condescension, and vile vitriol. We are better than this. I don’t give a rat’s ass if you hate or love the current president. I want to know what you are doing to improve the current crisis in our country. Someday this president will leave office, just as his predecessors did, all with varying degrees of success. Then what? Should we continue to scream in the streets, destroy property, hate our neighbors, and unfriend our friends while wearing offensive costumes, or should we take up the flag and join other patriots to salvage any hope for another July 4th celebration? I wish to remain positive and will order some piccolos and drums.

I’ll wake in the morning and open the windows in anticipation of seeing Old Glory, with proof through the night that our flag is still there. That star-spangled banner will wave back.

For a free reminder, here is the first verse of our National Anthem, The Star-Spangled Banner by Francis Scott Key:

O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Why November 9 Matters

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mary-amy

Mary was a city council president, owns a small business, and prefers Cabernet. Amy worked for a corporation, owned a successful franchise business, and drinks Chardonnay. Mary is voting for Trump, and Amy is voting for Clinton. We are friends and will remain friends after the election on November 8.

When the dirty dust settles after this ugly political season, the biggest losers are those who destroyed friendships and fractured family relations over which candidate was the least horrible. The winners will be those who respected a process that is flawed but enduring, and those who can call their friends with opposite opinions and come together to celebrate that the national angst is over.

Mary, Amy, and I met recently for drinks and appetizers. We lamented the latest political crisis and then launched into a positive conversation about our children, our upcoming trips, and how the weather was impacting our seasonal allergies. Mary is anticipating a new grandchild in December, I just spent a week with my funny grandchildren, and Amy isn’t ready for grandkids but is perfecting her golf game. The most competitive fact about Mary and Amy is that their homes are immaculate and they take cleaning to a level beyond the sterile requirements for a nuclear laboratory. They know I have trouble stepping over piles of debris in my office and that my kitchen counters have growing mounds of clutter that include last year’s power bills. We love each other anyway.

We agreed that politics has turned social media into a cesspool of condemnation, criticism, and hostility. I recently posted a news article to Facebook that questioned the integrity and exposed the corruption of a candidate which prompted an assault of vile responses from both sides. Women were calling other women idiots, puppets, and uneducated morons. They were tagging names of women they didn’t know and chastising them for their ignorance. After the discussion dissolved into abortion and eternal damnation, I deleted the post and took a shower.

I knew that most of the women writing the scathing remarks would never talk that way if they had been together in person. I was confused about the total hostility directed at people they had never met and would never meet, and it was all for a candidate that only wanted their vote and nothing else. I have stated many times that neither candidate is worthy of my vote, so I can say and write anything I want. My position is liberating.

I’ll continue to participate in local and state elections so we can promote better candidates to lead our country. In my opinion, the lack of competent, ethical leadership has forced the country into class warfare, and we’re being duped to follow the Piped Piper with the sweetest music and the shiniest baubles. It will take strong effort by a committed population to crawl out of the current pig slop, but we can do it.

That’s where women such as Mary and Amy can play an important role. Find the common ground, work to promote the best community possible, and come together in person to share laughter and wine – even though some may prefer Cabernet and others want Chardonnay. Stop criticizing each other and find the truth that makes us humans on the same planet. We’re not getting out alive, so we might as well stop the bitching and start the bonding.

I want my grandchildren to appreciate and tolerate a variety of voices, and I want them to research the facts beyond the hype so they can intelligently form their own opinions. They can improve the future political process by communicating honestly about candidates and positions, and by studying the negative implications of electing the wrong person. It will be their turn to make it better. And, I want to show them that Mary, Amy, and I remain good friends.

That’s why November 9 matters.