Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

Blog

Granny’s Ungrateful Goat

By

A Short Story by Elaine Ambrose

Granny Margarita was a jolly woman who lived in the country on a small farm. One day she decided to go to the store and buy a nanny for granny. She brought the goat home and fixed a cozy pen and scattered fresh straw for a bed. She filled a water trough and offered the goat some fresh apples.

“Baaa!” exclaimed the goat and turned her back on Granny.

Granny fixed her favorite pecan pie using her secret recipe that won a blue ribbon at the County Fair. She brought the pie on a fancy plate and gave it to the goat.

“Baaa!” exclaimed the goat and turned her back on Granny.

Granny thought the goat was bored, so she bought some roller skates and taught the goat how to skate. The goat skated for a few minutes, fell down, and then didn’t like the skates.

“Baaa!” said the goat and turned her back on Granny.

Granny wondered if the cozy pen wasn’t good enough, so she built a bigger pen and added a pond so the goat could jump in the water.

“Baaa!” said the goat and turned her back on Granny.

Granny decided she had an ungrateful goat. She took the goat to obedience school to learn how to become self-sufficient and appreciate life. The goat finished the school but preferred to sit beneath the shade of the apple tree.

Finally, Granny Margarita accepted the fact that her goat was too grumpy and was robbing her of joy. She packed her bags and moved to a community of other seasoned folks who loved to laugh, dance, and enjoy whatever songs were left to be sung.

The Ungrateful Goat sat in her pen and waited for someone to take care of her. No one came. After a few days, the goat walked into the pasture and ate grass and found a stream so she could drink water. She found a dried old apple and eagerly gobbled the wrinkled fruit. The goat was lonely but grateful.

(Illustrations are from the children’s book Gators & Taters.– Winner of 2018 “Distinguished Favorite” for Children’s Literature from the Independent Press Awards.)

New Children’s Book Reviewed as “Joyful, Well-Told Story”

By

Melody’s Magical Flying Machine is receiving glowing reviews from across the country. The book will be released in the fall by Brown Books Publishing Group, and preliminary evaluations are above projections.

“Melody’s Magical Flying Machine by Elaine Ambrose features a 10-year-old girl with Down syndrome and is a joyful, well-told story that celebrates the power of imagination. Melody is an engaging narrator whose cheerful affection, knack for happiness, and zestful imagination express themselves in every line. Zina’s pencil illustrations are beautifully textured and shaded, with a magical quality that deftly matches the text.” – KIRKUS REVIEWS

In the story, Melody loves to daydream beneath a tall catalpa tree in the backyard. She meets an enchanted bird and they use a 3D printer to create a magical flying machine so she can soar over the playground to amaze her friends and confront a group of bullies. Melody’s energetic talent in storytelling empowers her to educate others about Down syndrome while sharing her tall tales and strong hugs.


Kirkus Reviews has been an industry-trusted source for honest and accessible book reviews since 1933. Headquartered in Austin, Texas, the company reviews the nation’s top publishers, small publishers, and independent authors. Qualified professionals review more than 10,000 books annually, and their evaluations include negative and positive reviews.

Other reviews for the book:

“Melody is a delightful girl, small in stature, but with an outsized imagination—who also happens to live with Down syndrome. After a sad day, she becomes a brave warrior and takes on the class bully with help from a new friend and some flying dragons. As a mental health advocate and mother of four, including one child with autism spectrum disorder, I am so grateful for this story of strength, resilience, and joy. We need more voices like Melody’s!”
– Liza Long, Author, The Price of Silence: a Mom’s Perspective on Mental Illness

“One of the primary missions of Family Advocates is to promote the health and well-being of every child and encourage children to reach their true potential by being safe, strong and brave – just like Melody. This book highlights the positive fact that a child with special needs can dream, share, achieve goals, handle bullies, and contribute to the community.”
– Kathryn Seebold, Executive Director, Family Advocates

Other positive reviews came from four children, ages 8 through 12, who read the book and offered expert commentary.

Give Mom Humor and Be Her Favorite Child

By

Flowers and candy are lovely gifts for Mother’s Day, but after all the angst and drama of the past two months, Mom wants to laugh! I’d love to help. My award-winning books, eBooks, and audiobooks will cause your mother to smile again and love you more than your siblings.

“Laugh-out-loud funny!” – Publishers Weekly

“Resembles Erma Bombeck.” – Foreword Reviews

Winners of Five National Writing Awards, including Finalist for Book of the Year for Humor with a rare 5-Star Review

Both books were ranked #1 Bestsellers online.

Midlife Happy Hour is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook read by the Author

Midlife Cabernet is available in paperback and eBook

Here’s a sneak peek of the preliminary cover for the final book in the midlife trilogy: Midlife Reboot – Humorous Stories of Rest, Resilience, and Renewal. This book will make the perfect Christmas and holiday present, so you’ll still be the favorite child.

Order the first two books online, from local bookstores, or directly from the author: For personalized and autographed copies, email [email protected]

New Children’s Book to be Released in the Fall

By

Melody’s Magical Flying Machine, a new children’s book by bestselling author Elaine Ambrose, remains in production at Brown Books Publishing Group with a scheduled released for late fall. The publisher and author believe this story can give children a positive distraction during uncertain times.

The story describes a spirited, 10-year-old girl named Melody who loves to daydream beneath a catalpa tree in the backyard. After being bullied at school, she meets an enchanted bird named JuJu, and they create a magical flying machine pulled by two funny dragons. Melody blossoms with a sense of adventure as she soars over the playground amazing her friends, frightening the teachers, and terrorizing a group of bullies. Melody uses her newfound confidence and creative ability in storytelling to educate others about children with special needs and proves why she is the most marvelous hugger in all the Universe. Other characters include a best friend who wants to be a famous singer and a little brother who tells knock-knock jokes

Artwork for the cover by Wayne Anderson is courtesy of Bridgeman Art Library in New York. Interior illustrations were created by Caroline Zina, an Idaho illustrator. Here are a few of the copyrighted illustrations:

Elaine Ambrose is a bestselling author of 10 books including two award-winning children’s book, Gators & Taters – A Week of Bedtime Stories and The Magic Potato – La Papa Mágica. Elaine lives in Idaho and is the winner of 12 national writing awards in three genres: humor, memoir, and children’s books.


Caroline Zina is an illustrator from California where she fell in love with the beauty of book illustrations at an early age. She currently resides in Idaho, where she uses her passion for art and storytelling to give author’s world’s a visual voice. Contact Caroline Zina through her website: carolinezina.com

A Pain in the Foot – Winning Essay for Erma Bombeck Writing Competition

By

(Note: This essay was chosen as a winner in the 2020 Erma Bombeck Humor Writing Competition. I’ll read the essay at a reception hosted by Betsy Bombeck, Erma’s daughter, at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Dayton, Ohio, in April.)

Shock wave therapy device – for feet

I limped into the doctor’s office, grimacing with every other step. My strong right foot was ready to dance half of a festive polka, but the left foot hurt as if I were walking in a box of rocks over the smoldering ashes of my broken dreams. I explained to the doctor how the agony in my heel was worse in the morning, and I wanted to stay in bed, read books, and hire a mysterious Italian hunk named Antonio to bring me brunch and sing ballads.

“You have plantar fasciitis,” Doctor Rodgers said after manipulating my foot. The diagnosis sounded sophisticated and serious.

“Am I going to die?” I asked, mentally assessing who should receive my collection of original Beatles’ albums after the fatal fasciitis destroyed my plantar.

The doctor stifled a groan. “The plantar fascia is a fibrous tissue that extends along the bottom of your foot and connects your heel bone to your toes. Your foot hurts because the tissue has serious inflammation.”

Those were medical terms I could understand. I had issues with tissues.

“Do you jog?” The doctor peered at my matronly body covered with black sweatpants and large shirt featuring the words: “I Heart Donuts.” We both laughed.

“Do you wear high-heeled shoes?”

“Not since the Reagan Administration,” I answered. “And, only for fancy fundraising dinners. I’ll never forget the Spring Gala of 1988 when I wore silver satin heels and Lydia Zollinger spilled red wine on my shoe. I dumped the rest of her wine on the other shoe so they would match.”

Dr. Rodgers cleared her throat, indicating she didn’t care about the Spring Gala. She proceeded to describe remedies that included stretching exercises, ice packs, wraps, shoe inserts, oils, and orthopedic shoes. None of her recommendations included Antonio, my morning troubadour. She mumbled something about losing weight, but my brain had a mental block against such wicked words. Chubby people don’t need to be told to lose weight.

Then she recommended a treatment called Extracorporeal Shock Wave Therapy.

“I might be an older, full-bodied woman with a limp,” I retorted, “but I don’t need shock therapy.”

Shock Wave Therapy – 9-Second video

“The technique uses a wand to distribute shock waves over the bottom of your foot,” she explained patiently. “Most clients report immediate improvement.”

Tiffany Wilson Campbell of Matrix Regenerative Medicine in Boise tortures and tames the pain.

At the scheduled appointment, the technician moved the magic machine over my foot, promising it wouldn’t hurt. After the procedure ended, I gently stood and rejoiced because the pain was gone. I was ready for both feet to dance a lively polka down Main Street. Full of gratitude, I decided to add the technician’s name to my Will. She can have the Beatles’ albums.