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Life Sucks Laugh Hard – Again!

March 4, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

Back by Popular Demand At the Idaho Writers Guild Writers Conference

Bestselling humor writers Jen Mann, AK Turner, and Elaine Ambrose

will read from their latest works of wit and wisdom on Friday, May 5 at the Boise Centre. The event is FREE all paid registrants of the Idaho Writers Guild Writers Conference. The annual two-day conference features expert speakers, authors, agents, editors, and enlightening panel discussions.

Registration is only $195 for IWG members and $225 for non-members. Go here for details.

Life Sucks Laugh Hard is sponsored by Mill Park Publishing

“Drinking with Dead Women Writers” Read by Famous Actress

February 15, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

drinking dead women writers cover

Jane Merrow, a Golden Globes nominated actress who performed in movies with notable stars including Peter O’Toole, Peter Graves, and Katharine Hepburn, recently recorded a reading of one of the stories in Drinking with Dead Women Writers.

The recording features Merrow reading about Jane Austen, and Merrow’s delightful British accent lends authentic charm to the performance. Austen’s actual quotes are used in the conversation.

jane merrow

The book was written by Boise author AK Turner and me as the first of a two-part series and published by Mill Park Publishing of Eagle, Idaho. Drinking with Dead Women Writers describes our encounters with 16 deceased female authors, including Erma Bombeck, Louisa May Alcott, and Dorothy Parker. The sequel, Drinking with Dead Drunks, highlights 16 male authors, such as Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and William Faulkner. All the stories include authentic quotes from the authors that are weaved into the narrative of the stories. The books received several awards from the Idaho Author Awards Program.

drinking dead drunks cover

Alan Heathcock, award-winning author of VOLT, reviewed the books as “A rare mix of cleverness and intellect, and a total blast to read.” Flashlight Commentary wrote that the books were “Engaging and revealing, but most of all, flat out funny.” Readers are encouraged to listen to Merrow’s clever reading and enjoy the books.

amanda elaine book cover

What Would Erma Do?

February 15, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

featured on erma bombeck

How do you write humor in a crabby world? It’s difficult to be funny when the mood of the country is worse than the temperament of a pack of hungry junkyard dogs, strangers are yelling at each other on social media, and even my usual cheerful friends are picking fights, taking sides and stomping their feet. In the midst of the angst, I ask the redeeming question: What would Erma do?

Erma Bombeck’s talent propelled her above rancorous debate and petty sniping. She pounced on an important topic and turned the issue into a teachable moment or a silly punchline. Even those who may have disagreed with her were delighted by her creative wit and profound wisdom. Through 4,000 newspaper columns written from 1965 to 1996, she became America’s favorite female humorist and the best friend to more than 30 million readers. She is my hero.

erma bombeck

What would she say about the current climate of chaos? In my opinion, she would offer an anecdote that portrays the weaknesses of our hectic, self-centered lives. For example, in her book If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What am I Doing in the Pits?, Erma writes about how she was trying to take advantage of some rare time alone to read a book in an airport waiting room. An elderly woman sitting next to her started a conversation, and Erma was irritated. Then she learned that the casket with the woman’s deceased husband also would be on the plane, and they had been married 53 years. Here is what Erma wrote:

“I don’t think I have ever detested myself more than I did at that moment. Another human being was screaming to be heard…All she needed was a listener…It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.”

erma bowl of cherries

The book was written in 1978, and the message remains the same. Why are people so angry, and what are they demanding? They want the right to be heard. They want to matter. They want the rest of us to put down our business, look them in the eyes (through the magic of the Internet, if necessary), and say, “I’m listening.”

In Chapter 14 of the same book, Erma notes that life is not all fun and blue skies.

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. And how do you know laughter if there is no pain to compare it with?”

Erma was a member of the national Presidential Advisory Committee for Women and supported the Equal Rights Amendment. Her advocacy was criticized by conservative groups, and some bookstores removed her books. The ERA failed, but Erma did not. She continued to amuse her readers with books titled, When You Look Like Your Passport Photo, It’s Time to Go Home and A Marriage Made in Heaven…or Too Tired For an Affair.

speaker erma podiu

Erma Bombeck’s writing endures because she didn’t dwell on the negative or criticize others. Through all the problems of life, she continued to provide relief with humor and wit. I need to remember that as I’m sifting through the debris of dastardly discourse and wanting to fire off a curt comment. Through making jokes about stress, motherhood and life, Erma left us laughing. One last line: “The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.” Thanks, Erma.

erma speaker 2016 (1)

Originally published on HumorWriters.org on February 14, 2017

Do You Need Daily Erotica?

February 13, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

daily erotica authors

Eight years ago, I organized a writing group in Eagle, Idaho called “Writers Who Wine.” We met to read our work, critique prose and poetry from others, and to focus on writing prompts. And, we enjoyed wine.

After a few festive meetings, four of us decided to create a book of poetry called Daily Erotica – 366 Poems of Passion. We chose the provocative title because we knew Daily Poems was too boring. We brought our poems to my cabin for a weekend in the fall of 2008 and rated the submissions from 1 (Oh, yes!), to 2 (Warm, but not sizzling), to 3 (Get out of here. You can’t write.)

daily erotica authors oct 2009 We published the book through Mill Park Publishing and released it on February 14, 2010. The book is dedicated to all the women who are searching for their lost libidos. daily erotica cover The 366 poems begin on February 14 and span every day for a year. The content varies between romantic, silly, and a bit naughty. The authors are convinced their writing is better than the insipid lines in the bestselling book Fifty Shades of Grey. Here are two examples:

September 17

All that I am

unafraid

unashamed

uninhibited

undressed,

I am yours.

September 2

The first time she saw his smile

she knew he was worth the wait.

Finally, after all these years,

she let down her guard,

opened the door to her heart,

and invited him inside.

He took off his boots

and decided to stay.

Response to the book was fun and we enjoyed presenting selected poems at various events and for community organizations. The four of us ranged in age from 37 to 57, all of us had children, and three of us were divorced. One in the group, Gretchen Anderson, had been happily married for more than 17 years. The other three, Liza Long, Rachel Hatch, and I found true and lasting love after the book was published.

Copies of the book are available on Amazon.com for $12,95 or from the authors or Mill Park Publishing in Eagle for only $5.00. If you’re interested in a unique Valentine’s Day gift that will last all year, email me at [email protected]. I’ll deliver Monday and Tuesday to downtown Boise, Eagle, and Meridian.

Everyone sing along now, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.” (I don’t like ending a sentence with a preposition, but that worked for Jackie DeShannon and Dionne Warwick when they sang the famous song.)

This Valentine’s Day, be a lover, not a fighter. Read and share Daily Erotica.

daily erotica authors sitting

The Final Tee Box with Jean Guthrie

February 10, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

dantante bay golf course hole 17

We approached the signature Hole 17 on the Danzante Bay Golf Course overlooking the Sea of Cortez in Loreto, Mexico, but without the usual commotion and gusto. Our mission was not to send our ball soaring over the towering cliff from the tee box to the green below but to honor our friend Jean Guthrie in the way she would appreciate.

guthrie golf

Jean died after a short illness while we were on vacation at the Villa del Palmar. She was our laughing friend, the one who offered shots of Fireball when we birdied a hole, the one who cajoled her quiet husband Mike to dress up like an elf for Christmas parties, the one who always greeted us with rib-crunching hugs, and the one who raised three sons and made it look easy. We wanted to memorialize her effervescent spirit with her own tee box at the signature hole.

jean guthrie ball 2

My husband Ken wrote her name on a Titelist golf gall and added a tee from Spurwing Country Club, the club we all belong to in Idaho. We placed the tee on the highest cliff overlooking the tee box and shared a moment of silence. We walked away, knowing a mysterious breeze could come at any moment and move the ball.

jean and elaine

Jean Guthrie exploded into our lives riding on vibrant rays of sunshine, illuminating our meandering personal cart paths, tossing shots of adult beverages, hollering at others to join the parade, and refusing to leave until everyone was laughing. Her death brings the final darkness of a star exploding in the night sky, showering us with one last poignant glimmer before extinguishing forever and leaving a void that can’t be filled.

jean guthrie golf

Jean possessed the gift of joy; she was exuberant, positive, infectious, beautiful, independent and adventurous. She loved life, and she loved her family. She met Mike Guthrie in college, and they created the powerful team known as Jean-and-Mike. They established successful businesses, raised three sons, and traveled the world, toting golf bags along with Jean’s energetic optimism to balance Mike’s dry wit.

jean guthrie shots

During the last few years, Jean’s active life took on an accelerated pace. She went to Turkey alone to join friends, she moved to Idaho, cared for her ailing sister, divided her time between Idaho and Palm Desert, California, and she organized a golf excursion with Mike to play major courses throughout the south. Her latest adventure came just two weeks before her death when Mike and she took their sons and their partners on a week-long trip to Hawaii. She lived life to the fullest until suddenly her life was over before we could play another round.

guthrie, diteman, us st chapelle

Knowing Jean was a privilege. We’ve shared golf games where laughter exceeded any serious decorum. We’ve dined at each other’s homes, escaped for a weekend at a mountain cabin, and enjoyed a day-long tour of Idaho’s wine country. Through it all, we never suspected she would die at age 67. Not Jean. Not the force behind the smile. The untimely end to such a vivacious, spirited woman proves life isn’t fair, and abundant laughter is balanced with profound pain.

The world is less bright without Jean, but she would want us to go play, aim for the birdie, and toast her with shots. So for Jean, we’ll wipe our tears and try to live and laugh without her; but we’ll never forget. Farewell, our funny, feisty, and fabulous friend. We’ll talk again when we return to Loreto.

My Friends were Possessed after the Election

January 25, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

My colorful, creative collection of friends consists of liberals, conservatives, assorted thespians, some town criers, recovering journalists, and a few agnostics. I enjoy our online conversations, and we usually resolve any issues with a virtual toast of wine and some salacious jokes. But after the national presidential election, all hell broke loose on social media when anyone commented for or against the results. Several times, I had to scrape the manure off my eyeballs and go take a shower.

The rancorous election turned some of my funny, positive, middle-aged friends and associates into hate-spewing demons who threatened eternal damnation to anyone with an opposing opinion. Because I’m too old and chubby to fight, I decided to offer some innocuous images that made social media popular: photos of funny animals. Just for extra fun, I added exact quotes from some of the more vitriolic comments. I didn’t include the profane remarks because we’ve all seen them and choose not to see them again.

The most popular demand was, “Unfriend me now!” I assume the friend had the power to quietly unfriend me, but it was more dramatic to make a statement on the Internet. I think this funny horse doesn’t care, and neither do I.

Sometimes the comments are ugly and intended to hurt. My friend received this retort on Facebook after she dared to post a non-threatening remark. She is a sweet, funny grandmother and couldn’t understand why anyone would be so mean. Bless her heart.

Frankly, some of us are getting tired of the unjustified and untrue name-calling. Just look at this cuddly little hamster. She just wants to play and wiggle. Be like that.

Another friend received this “Shame on you!!!!” comment on her Facebook page. She’s the one who received the most exclamation marks of all the retorts because people were blatantly mad about her opinions. This laughing bulldog thinks humans are weird.

I received a message instructing me not to get smug after I wrote something positive and negative about each candidate. My accused smugness could have been applied to either or neither. It was all too confusing.

This exaggerated message was sent to my friend, the sweet grandmother. She didn’t know how she could possibly torture anyone, let alone dismantle their family. She decided to delete her post and go back to sharing photographs of flowers and kittens. She wonders how things got so offensive. Her left eye is still twitching.

After the dust settles and we all go back to breathing without exhaling steam, we can tiptoe back onto social media and be midlife friends again. I miss our online chats about empty nests, full schedules, tight budgets, and loose skin. We’ll get more involved in the political process so we can endorse better candidates in the future, and we’ll work together to help instead of hurt each other. I want to laugh again. We can’t allow the animals to have all the fun.

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