Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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“Midlife Happy Hour” Celebrates Resilient Women

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Pictured from left, Christy Hovey, Sarah Tregay, Mary McFarland, Amy Davis, Elaine Ambrose, and Ophelia Ramirez
Pictured from left, Christy Hovey, Sarah Tregay, Mary McFarland, Amy Davis, Elaine Ambrose, and Ophelia Ramirez

The Midlife Happy Hour Club is a gregarious group of tenacious women who meet sporadically to celebrate festive occasions such as birthdays, a cure for irritable bowel syndrome, a Hollywood movie with a leading actress over 40, or the fact that a sales clerk actually noticed us. We gather for Happy Hour, the best time of our lives. We aren’t ready for closing time but prepared to celebrate a time of life when women finally get to sit down, raise a glass to toast the day, and boldly declare, “I’m relevant, resilient, and ready for another round!”

Charter Members of the local Midlife Happy Hour Club recently met at Telaya Winery in Garden City, Idaho to select the label for a special red wine to be introduced in October. The “Midlife Happy Hour” blend features choice grapes from the Snake River Valley and will be paired with the new book of the same name. The official premiere party is Thursday, October 13 at the winery. The front label for the bottle features the front cover of the book, and the back label contains information from Telaya Winery.

 

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Midlife Happy Hour is the sequel to Midlife Cabernet, the 2014 book that reached #1 bestseller status in the humor category on Amazon.com. Publishers Weekly reviewed the book as “laugh-out-loud funny,” and Foreword Reviews wrote that the book was “an Erma Bombeckesque argument for joy.” The book won the Silver Medal for Humor from the Independent Book Publishers Book Award program.

Midlife Happy Hour describes a Midlife Happy Hour Club of six women who refuse to fade away as insignificant relics. We are ready to party because the kids are (mostly) grown, the menstrual periods stopped, and we survived four decades of dealing with corporate clowns. We know that it’s more fun to celebrate than to stab someone with a fork and deal with the messy court case and jail time. Good friends, laughter, and a bottle of wine are what every woman needs while adjusting to empty nests and full schedules, hyperactive adult children and ailing parents, and loose skin and tight budgets. We no longer believe the lie that we could do it all: Bring home the bacon, fry it in a designer pan, raise delightful children, and strut in stilettos with perky boobs bobbing to please our man. That myth contains more baloney that a cheap sandwich in a truck stop deli.

There are more than 40 million middle-aged women in the United States, and a significant number of us are ready for a break after decades of working various jobs, managing (or imagining) lovers, and solving one crisis after another. Happy hour allows women to enjoy the rewards of living long enough to see the kids grow up and move out, the mortgage decrease, and the bad boss get indicted. We did our time, and now the youngsters can take over and sashay through the doors that we struggled to open for them.

After all we’ve endured, we want to laugh. Now.

Midlife Happy Hour will be published by Brown Books Publishing Group in Dallas, Texas, www.BrownBooks.com. The book is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. Follow this link: Midlife Happy Hour.

 

Happy Birthday USA, by God!

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KTVB-TV photo of fire near Boise, Idaho.
KTVB-TV photo of fire near Boise, Idaho.

July 4th celebrates the adoption of the Declaration of Independence in 1776, a brave document by those who wanted a free society governed by laws, not by a king. It was the birthday of the USA. In my opinion, this image from KTVB-TV news of a recent fire near Boise represents the status of our country today. We are surrounded by evil forces, from outside and within, that want to destroy our nation. But there is an enduring symbol of peace and love that serves as a guide out of the inferno. As written in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13, “And now abides faith, hope, love, these three. But the greatest of these is love.”

When planning the first July 4th celebration, John Adams, one of the original signers of the Declaration, thought that Americans should celebrate a great anniversary festival. In a letter to his wife Abigail he wrote, “It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forevermore.”

If the original signers of the Declaration of Independence made an appearance today, they would see the parades and bonfires, but ask about the lack of devotion to God. Freedom of and from religion can be as dangerous as illegal fireworks. I choose the God of love, not hate.

Leave a Legacy of Laughter

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I made it to my 60s without irritating too many people, and now it’s time to consider what legacy, if any, will remain after I die.

Any leftover money should be spent on a lavish farewell wake and community party. My adult children won’t be inheriting stock portfolios or trunks full of gold. By not having those assets, I’ve saved my heirs from dealing with multiple accountants, estate lawyers, tax attorneys and nefarious scoundrels who will take every dime they inherit. My kids do, however, have a chance to own my treasured collection of wine corks from around the world and several baskets of finger puppets. I hope they won’t fight over them.

My kids already have the best gift I could share: a sense of humor. In a wicked world spewing toxic drama and trauma, they possess the ability to laugh in the face of chaos and spit in the eye of the storm. These are essential skills to have as they boldly jump out of the proverbial handbasket going to hell.

For more than 30 years, their comedic talents have caused me to laugh until I snort. This raw ability came in handy during their volatile teenage years when they tested my patience and failed the test. Just as I was ready to use my outside voice when my son missed his curfew, he would come home and share humorous stories of adventure and victimless pranks accomplished with his friends. I tried to stifle my amusement, but it was impossible to be mad at him. He always made me laugh.

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My daughter knew how to use silly dialects and animal noises to distract any pending consequences for breaking the rules. If she behaved beyond the normal shenanigans and anticipated my disapproval, she would race into the room, tilt back her head, grab her tongue, and baa like a wounded sheep. There was no use trying to maintain any semblance of parental authority. If I had practiced this clever technique with my father, I wouldn’t have been grounded for 40 years.

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My children grew up to become happy, productive adults with loving spouses and laughing children. Their two families include four adults, five children and two dogs, and they often take vacations together. During the last camping trip, they each posed in various yoga positions on a rock overlooking a picturesque river. Ranging in age from three to 46, their techniques included my daughter’s physically toned Lord of the Dance Pose and my son’s creative Danish Flying Old Viking Pose. I laughed out loud seeing the collage of photographs.

Laughter truly is the best medicine, and my children and their children should live healthy lives and giggle well into old age. I’m looking forward to the time when my grandchildren will avoid parental reprimands by telling tall tales and creating animated excuses.

If this next generation of children inherits the gifts of humor, they will be rich, indeed, and can happily continue the family legacy of laughter tax-free.

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How to Stay Positive in a Hostile World

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The news alert flashed on my cell phone as I was caring for my young granddaughters. There had been another mass shooting, this time in Florida. I quickly read the horrible details and immediately thought of my grandchildren.

What kind of world would they have in 20 years?

I was born 64 years ago and grew up watching black-and-white television shows called “Father Knows Best” and “Leave it to Beaver.” We played outside until dark and grumbled when we had to go inside and wash for dinner.

My parents watched the CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite, and we believed him when he said in a deep, authoritative voice, “And, that’s the way it is.” The television programs ended at midnight with a patriotic video and rendition of the national anthem.

Back then, the news only was broadcast in the evening and I couldn’t have imagined having hundreds of channels with non-stop news programs. The only time we heard news during the day was on November 22, 1963 when President John Kennedy was assassinated.

I was in junior high school and the radio news was broadcast over speakers in our rooms. I knew the event was tragic when my teacher started to cry. Later that day, the horrific report caused tough Walter Cronkite to choke back tears during his broadcast.

Public exposure to natural and human-caused calamities became more prevalent while I was raising my children during the 1980s and 1990s. I was amazed when Cable News Network (CNN) began 24-hour news programs in 1980. I started and ended my days watching the news.

The broadcasts allowed viewers to watch live tornadoes, the fatal explosion of the Space Shuttle Challenger in 1986, and amazing feature stories from around the world.

Continuous news coverage made the audience instant witnesses to current events. We saw bloody soldiers, dead children, burned homes, as well as opulent palaces and travel adventures. Families went from gathering around one television set to having several in different rooms with separate connections. The audience detached from their families and sank into their seats, changing hundreds of channels by remote control.

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After decades of powerful images made it difficult to shut out the noise, I devised a list of suggestions for escaping the addiction to endless, stressful reporting.

Turn Off the News

Decades ago, we survived with one or two news programs a day. Then we were free to play, work, and interact with others. Also, watching or reading only a liberal or conservative news source creates opinionated fanatics who don’t know how to sustain an intelligent conversation or respectfully disagree with opposing viewpoints.

Believe There is Good in the World

Think about Anne Frank, the young girl who hid with her family in an attic during the German occupation of the Netherlands in World War ll. They were betrayed, reported to the Nazis, and sent to concentration camps. Anne’s mother starved to death after giving all her food to her daughters. Anne and her sister died in the camps.

Later, her diary was found and became one of the world’s most widely known books. Written during her years of hiding, Anne writes: “Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart.”

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Find Joy Through the Arts

Listen to inspirational, happy music. Read positive or humorous books from a variety of humor writers with books that will cause you to laugh out loud. Attend a performance, play, or musical and lose yourself in the passion of the story.

Get Physical

Go outside, take a walk, ride a bike, take your grandkids to the park, go swimming, or hike a mountain trail. Your heart and mind will be grateful.

Connect with Others

Contact old or new friends and get together. Join a group of people who share your interests. Visit lonely older folks, or volunteer to help at schools, libraries, and hospitals.

Write

Spend time alone writing in a journal, or start a blog, or create a family newsletter. Be your own assignment editor and make the stories funny, poignant, and memorable. Use writing to vent frustrations and anger about bad news.

Get Involved

Horrific worldwide or national tragedies impact people within our communities. Reach out, listen, share, and work to make better laws and a better world.

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Find Gratitude

Tragic events can bring society together, teach people to learn from mistakes and cause a deep appreciation for life.

I can’t guarantee a wonderful world for my granddaughters, but I can strive to live a positive life and encourage them to be strong and optimistic. Anne Frank, the young girl trapped in a hell on earth, still had the presence of mind to write these words: “Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.”

Best of Treasure Valley 2016 Author

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Best of Treasure Valley Ad - True Final

 

Pulitzer Prize Winner Anthony Doerr and Statesman Writer Tim Woodward have won the top two spots for the past several years in the author category for the “Best of Treasure Valley” reader’s choice program sponsored by The Idaho Statesman. I’m happy as a pig in warm mud to get third place this year. Thanks to those who voted!

Don’t Vomit on a US Senator

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sen orval hansen 1972

“Have you ever been on live television before?” the KMVT-TV news director asked.

“Yes,” I answered. It wasn’t a lie. When I was five years old I had been a guest on the children’s show on KMVT with the host named Happy Holly. In college, I had concentrated on print journalism and had taken only one required class in Radio-Television but had never participated in a live interview or telecast.

I had just graduated from the University of Idaho, my mother was worried that I didn’t have a boyfriend, and my father was worried I didn’t have a job. I decided employment was the more important issue.

I drove to the station in Twin Falls and asked for a job that didn’t exist. At the time, I was full of young naivety that I could do anything. The news team and the station manager asked me to read for the camera, and I performed as if I knew what I was doing. That day I was offered a full-time job at $450 a month with a raise in three months. With that, I became Idaho’s first female television news reporter and talk show hostess. It was 1973, and I was 21 years old.

The station in Twin Falls provided the only television channel in southern Idaho, and the nightly newscast attracted more than 30,000 avid viewers. Twin Falls was not a major market, but it was my start in business and my first full-time job. I loved it.

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KMVT-TV News Crew, 1973-1974

Only one month after college graduation I was holding a microphone and interviewing Idaho Senator Frank Church. Another time, I interviewed Congressman Orval Hansen on the steps of the nation’s capital. For the first time in my life, my parents no longer referred to me as the Problem Child. Instead, I became the television personality they personally had molded and supported from birth. The blinking red light on the top of the live studio camera became intoxicating with its access into homes and businesses I would never see.

I learned on the job how to load film into the camera, set it on a tripod, rush in front to interview a guest, then turn off the camera, drive back to the station, develop the film in the dark room in the basement, write the script, and deliver the news live on the air. I scoff now like a crusty curmudgeon when I see elaborate news teams with multiple employees dashing about performing tasks I did alone.

senator mcclure elaine 1972

One harrowing news assignment still makes me queasy. I traveled in a helicopter with Senator James McClure, a nationally recognized leader in energy and natural resources. Our job was to tour wilderness areas in western Idaho in support of the senator’s campaign to preserve the Hells Canyon Recreation Area. In addition to interviewing the senator, I also filmed the excursion with an old Bolex camera using black-and-white film. I had no formal training in filming, but had learned by watching the other newsmen. As the helicopter took off and rose straight up, I pointed my camera out the window and began filming.

That’s when I learned about vertigo and nausea. The erratic motions of the helicopter combined with the focus on filming made me nauseous. I blinked back tears and swallowed hard to quell the disruption from my stomach. Suddenly the helicopter lurched and I lost my composure and my lunch. A ghastly stream of soupy vomit spewed from my mouth onto the senator’s expensive trousers. For one brief but terrifying moment, our eyes met and there was no affection between us. Only puke.

“Throw me out,” I begged, dropping the camera and wiping my mouth with the skirt of my favorite blue dress.

The senator and his assistant grabbed some tissue paper and attempted to clean up the mess. The co-pilot tossed back a towel and I buried my face, wondering if I should play dead. The stench in the small craft became overpowering, and I vaguely remember hearing the pilot announce that we needed to head back. It seemed to take five years to return to the airport.

I rushed to my car and drove to my apartment where I threw away the dress, climbed into the shower, and tried to wash away the evidence of being a loser. Vomiting on a United States Senator was not included in my job description. I returned to the television station without the camera or my pride.

Years later, Senator McClure and I became good friends. He excused my outrageous conduct and said he’d seen worse behavior in Congress. He also joked that I’d given new meaning to his memory of Hells Canyon.

Those early days of television provided the opportunity to meet many important people, from the Sheepman of the Year to volunteers trying to improve living conditions for local migrant workers. The politicians came and went away, but I’ll always remember Senators Church and McClure. They were from opposing political parties, but they worked together on important issues. Their example of leadership and statesmanship doesn’t exist anymore, and that’s a national tragedy. Maybe we should return to the days when our elected leaders weren’t afraid to get dirt on their shoes and puke on their clothes as they worked to preserve the land and save the country. I’d volunteer to go along on that ride, with a baggie.