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You are here: Home / Archives for elections

elections

The Domestic Humorist Challenge

June 17, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

 

 

 

Theater Masks

Last November, social media exploded into a regurgitated cesspool of vicious vitriol oozing like a toxic stew of vomit. It was worse than my first date in college. I attempted to balance the negativity by posting at least one humorous or positive meme every day, supplementing with witty blog posts. After seven months and more than 200 daily memes, I’m done. Readers are on their own.

I hope the memes have caused a few smiles on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. My Instagram account was hacked and deleted, but I still have the other accounts. Before I totter off to the sweet solitude of writing, I’d like to offer The Domestic Humorist Challenge, as opposed to the popular but irritating and dangerous Domestic Terrorist Wanabe collection of reckless writers on social media.

In my opinion, some of the despicable comments border on domestic terrorism and anarchy. This post came through my Facebook page last week:

From a woman named LauralLynn writing about President Trump: “I have stayed away from the news, in hopes they will just throw his ass to the wolves…literally, throw his ass into a cage of wild wolves and let them feast.” She added a smiling face for accent.

In my opinion, such a comment only fuels the flames of contempt and chaos. The remark did nothing to promote a positive attitude of comradery and community that is needed to strengthen the foundation of a civilized society. With every snarling comment, we’re getting closer to living in the final sequel of the Mad Max movies.

 

mad max mel gibson.jpg
Max with the Feral Child

(Interesting trivia: To prove that riveting dialogue wasn’t a key component in Mad Max 2 – The Road Warrior, Max, played by actor Mel Gibson, only has 16 lines of dialogue, and his first line wasn’t spoken until 11 minutes into the film.)

The Domestic Humorist Challenge. To neutralize the eruption of domestic terrorists on social media, I’m offering the Domestic Humorist Challenge. It’s more fun, and no one gets shot. The challenge comes without multi-level marketing pitches, selfie portraits, or obligations to forward a message or suffer from infected boils on your butt.

Here are the suggested rules:

  1. Review the messages you’ve written and liked during the past few months, and note the balance between complaints and praise.
  2. For the next week, don’t post, like, or forward any negative comments on your public social media accounts. This may require opening a private snark account with you as the only recipient.
  3. Write and post positive or humorous remarks that add value to readers and contribute to constructive action. Sneak in some gratitude. Just try it, ye of little faith.
  4. Block or unfriend those who continue to vomit vicious words and memes on Facebook and Twitter. Did a nasty meme or screaming stranger ever change your opinion about anything?
  5. At the end of the week, evaluate your mood. The goal of this challenge is for you to feel better about what you’ve written and for more people to contribute something positive or funny. If you relapse and have a shaking desire to post several hostile messages about anything (including politicians, kale salads, or feral children), go back to Step 1.

Some serious facts: The US Patriot Act defines domestic terrorism as the result of a US citizen attempting to do something that is dangerous to human life in our country. The government has identified at least 15  domestic terrorist organizations and that doesn’t include individuals. A website regularly records incidents of domestic terrorist attacks, going back to the assassination of President Lincoln in 1865 and updated this week with the attempted murders of Republican lawmakers in Alexandria, Virginia.

With that much hostility, it’s no wonder we’re all crabby and slightly paranoid. We’re living in a Greek Tragedy that only Shakespeare could appreciate. It’s time to fight back (in a non-threatening way) and become a Domestic Humorist. Who wants to play?

Finally, here are a few of my favorite memes from the past 200 days:

adam emily christmas overall meme

 

parsley sage meme

grow up meme

 

olga meme

ran into ex meme

 

bertha bra meme

 

 

food face meme

 

bertha flip bird meme

studley meme

frame meme

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #humor, #midlife, #politics, #social media, domestic humorist, domestic terrorist, elections, Mad Max, Mel Gibson, memes

World Peace BBQ Ribs

May 16, 2016 By Elaine Ambrose

ken ribs cabin 14

The adults at our recent family BBQ will cancel each other’s votes in the next presidential election. Yet we were all able to come together and eschew politics to chew on the best ribs in the whole world. And no one was offended, criticized, or shot – and that’s always a goal at my dinner parties.

When my mother was still here, she would take her place at the table and repeat her irritation that Barry Goldwater lost the 1964 presidential election to Lyndon Johnson who subsequently destroyed the country with his socialist programs. But she gobbled up the ribs and laughed along with her granddaughter, a fan of President Obama. Another family member had marched in liberal parades yet happily dined with two conservative, gun-toting police officers. By the end of the feast, nine racks of ribs were gone and 16 people were happy with life and at peace with the universe. It’s too bad people in the Middle East don’t eat pork because these ribs could save a lot of unnecessary warfare.

I believe that Studley and I make the best ribs ever. The secret is in my rub and steaming technique and in his Texas-style sauce. Here’s our recipe that is guaranteed to delight taste buds of all ages and pacify any political pomposity:

ribs

World Peace BBQ Ribs

Place a few racks of pork baby back ribs on a rack over a broiler pan.

Create a rub of equal parts grated lemon rind, grated fresh ginger, and lots of pressed fresh garlic. Pat the paste on the ribs. (Save the lemons for iced tea or water.)

Pour boiling water into the bottom of the pan and cover with a tent of tin foil. Bake for an hour at 350 degrees. Open a bottle of wine and test for flavor. Test again.

For the sauce, Studley starts with a bottle of hickory-smoked BBQ sauce and one flat beer in a sauce pan. (To make beer flat, leave a bottle open for several hours or heat it 20 seconds in the microwave.) Add two cubes of butter (yes, he is a true Southerner), and some Montreal Steak Seasoning and some garlic salt. Simmer for about 40 minutes. (This sauce would make horse manure taste great.) While it simmers, share some beer and/or wine with your guests. Then throw the steamed ribs on the BBQ, slather with plenty of sauce, and wait about 10 minutes for the magic to happen. Share more beer and wine. Round up the grandkids.

bbq ribs cabin 14

Serve with salads, fruit, veggies, rolls and more butter, and lots of paper towels. These ribs pair nicely with cold Miller Lite Beer and several bottles of bold Cabernet. End the meal with some pie and brownies. Then sit around, rub your full bellies, and offer toasts to world peace.

family dinner cabin 14

Our family BBQs end with hugs, laughter, and promises to get together soon. My hope is that the grandchildren will grow up in a more civilized society where people can share good food instead of bullets. As for my choices, I’ll vote for the candidates who most fervently believe in the Preamble to the Declaration of Independence: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all (women and) men are created equal, and they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Hear, hear!

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #family, #peace, BBQ, candidates, elections, food

The Suffragist Ghosts of Susan and Alice

February 29, 2016 By Elaine Ambrose

suffragette paradeI had decided not to vote in the presidential election. Even though I previously had performed my loyal and patriotic duty since 1972, this year was different. The charade and parade of fools running for president made me question the need to vote. How do I select the least horrible candidate?

I believed the voting process was important to our Republic, but it was naive to think every vote counted. One candidate already had attracted large numbers of Super Delegates, those voters who were free to endorse anyone they want for nomination regardless of the voting result. Also, special-interest groups carried enough weight to tip the scales for or against a candidate. And every election cycle brought allegations of fraud from both sides as ballots were cast multiple times, often by dead or fictitious people. What’s the use?

A recent event caused me to reconsider my boycott of the elections. One evening I was working at my desk and I heard a noise in the kitchen so went to investigate.  A woman sat at the table and stared at me. Too frightened to run, I stared back and mumbled, “Who are you?”

Susan B Anthony

“I’m Susan Anthony,” she said. “And I’m very disappointed in you.”

“Would that be Susan with a ‘B’ Anthony?” I asked.

“Yes. You should have known by the vintage dress and white collar. Do you like my hair up in a bun like this? I could never wear it down like you do.”

“It looks lovely. But how did you get in my kitchen. Aren’t you dead?”

“Yes, I died in 1906. That was 14 years before women got the right to vote in this country.”

I felt chagrined. I knew she was a pioneer suffragette who championed women’s rights in a time when women were uneducated, couldn’t own property, and had few individual rights. She proceeded to tell me about her arrest for voting in the 1872 presidential election. She wasn’t allowed to speak during her trial, and the jury of all men convicted her. The judge fined her $100, which she never paid.

“I was arrested for voting,” she said. “What makes you so special that you don’t vote?”

I stammered an excuse and finally admitted I had no excuse.

“Would you like a glass of wine?” I asked, hoping to break the tension.

“Don’t you remember I was involved in the temperance movement? I was raised a strict Quaker, and I fought against the sale of alcohol. In those days, the husband controlled everything, the finances, the house, the children, and the wife. If he got drunk every night, the wife had no power to leave. She couldn’t get a divorce, and if they separated, the man usually got custody of the children and she was left destitute.”

“I can’t imagine how oppressive that must have been,” I said. “What prompted your vocal advocacy?”

“I was a teacher and I tried to speak at the New York State Teachers’ Association meeting in 1853, but the men said it wasn’t proper for a woman to speak in public. They debated 30 minutes and finally relinquished. Can you imagine?”

I thought about how relatively free women are today in comparison, even though there are cloisters of fanatical societies that continue to belittle females. The fact that I could own property, have an education, travel alone, vote, run for office, and make independent decisions was due to the advocacy of brave women from the past.

Another vision appeared and a woman sat down at the table. At this point, I didn’t care if Susan B. Anthony didn’t drink alcohol, I poured a glass of wine. After all, it was my kitchen and I was talking with two ghosts. I welcomed the woman and asked for her story.

Alice_Paul1915

“I’m Alice Paul,” she said. “In 1917, a group of women in Virginia was arrested, beaten, and thrown in jail for protesting for the right to vote. I was in that group and spent five weeks in prison. I went on a hunger strike so they locked me in solitary confinement in a psychiatric ward and force-fed me raw eggs through a tube down my throat. But I never gave up.”

“I don’t know how to repay both of you for your sacrifices,” I said. “Life must have been so difficult.”

“We were only two of thousands who marched in the streets, attended Congressional meetings, wrote amendments, fought with our patriarchal families, and encouraged other women. We were ridiculed, tormented, beaten, and chained to iron bars in jail cells. But we never gave up,” said Paul. “Your rights today are the result of our fearless actions.”

I raised my glass and toasted them. They raised empty hands to wave goodbye, smiled faintly, and began to fade away.

“I promise to vote!” I called after them.

“We know,” they said in unison. “Or, we’ll be back.”

I decided that I would vote. Which candidate to choose remained unclear, but I would vote. Susan and Alice sacrificed too much for me to stay home in the kitchen.

 

(This essay won a writing award from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists and Bloggers.)

Receiving Award from Pulitzer Prize Winning Writer Maureen Dowd

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: Alice Paul, elections, president, Suffragist, Susan B Anthony, vote, women's rights

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