Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Parade

Does the Parade End at the Empy Nest?

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When my kids were three and five we took them to Disneyland because we wanted to spend our life’s savings to stand in line with a million sweaty people and wait an hour for a 30-second ride. Disneyland was celebrating Donald Duck’s 50th Birthday, and the speech-impaired duck was my three-year-old son’s favorite funny character (besides me, of course.) Wishing for a cattle prod, we maneuvered our way to the front of the crowd for the afternoon Magic Kingdom Parade and waited eagerly to be enchanted. On days when I border on madness (too numerous to count), I can still hear the cacophony of the calliope as the giant duck sings, “It’s Donald’s Birthday, it’s Donald’s Birthday!”

After the parade ended, my usually-ebullient son began sobbing uncontrollably. I asked what was wrong and he answered, “Because it’s over.” At that moment I would have given everything I owned to make the parade start again, but I knew that was impossible, (I didn’t own that much) so I sat on the curb and held him until he stopped crying. What else do you do when the magic goes away?

Most of us have seen several decades of parades, and sometimes we feel deflated when the commotion stops. We recently ended the season of high school and college graduations and all the summer weddings. Each celebration deserves elaborate fanfare, but we know from experience that the festivities come to an end. That’s when new graduates realize they must (pick at least one):

Get a job
Marry rich
Move out of their parent’s basement
Invent a better Facebook-Video-Game that includes donuts

And the newlyweds realize their spouse (pick at least one):
Farts on the hour and belches sulfur
Cries about road kill
Faints at your kid’s projectile vomiting
Gets diarrhea at dinner parties

Then your new spouse gets dramatically alarmed when you sleep with a:
Humming teddy bear
Dog
Nasty magazine
Picture of mother

Yes, that’s when the parade is over and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it. We just need to sit on the curb in our own Magic Kingdom and hold ourselves until we stop crying.

It’s time to lead your own parade!

Many middle-aged women experience Empty Nest Syndrome after the youngest child leaves home for college, jail, the circus, or to find him/herself. After at least 18 years of majestically sacrificing our lives for our delightful offspring, they gleefully run out of the door and into the dangerous world without a helmet or a clean change of underwear. Our tears stop when they turn around to come back, but it’s only to ask for gas money. We slink back to our reruns of the Carol Burnett Show and pathetically relate to the cleaning lady at the end who sweeps up the mess and turns off the lights.

Good News! Now is your opportunity to turn that empty bedroom into a retreat for:

Sewing, craft, and writing projects
A private wine bar
Afternoon sex
Séances with Madam Moonbeam (great write-off)
All of the above

Do it now so the kids can’t move back and bring their pet spider collection, garage band, and/or face-eating zombie. Also, you could use your extra time to take a class, try yoga, volunteer, or start a creative project. You may want to focus on your physical and mental health; maybe talk to a professional about that stupid duck song that keeps squawking in your head. Or (my favorite suggestion) become the drum major of your own parade, just don’t forget to tip the guy who cleans up after the horses. And, of course, any midlife parade is best enjoyed with a bold and liberated red wine.

Start Your Own Easter Parade

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(Featured  April 3, 2015 on Midlife Boulevard http://midlifeboulevard.com/start-easter-parade/

and Huffington Post 50 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elaine-ambrose/start-your-own-easter-parade_b_6999574.html)

easter fashion

In the 1880s, the Easter Parade became the spring “to do” festivity for people bored with winter and ready to show off their finery. The occasion began as a procession in Manhattan from various churches after religious service to commemorate Easter, the most important holiday observance for Christians. The after-church traditional walk evolved into an exhibition of the latest trends in fashion.

Those from the less affluent classes lined the streets to watch the well-dressed procession saunter down the avenue. Local retail establishments saw the Easter Parade as a commercial opportunity and dry goods merchants and milliners publicized their new wares on the prominent people. By the turn of the century, the commercial scene provided through the Easter Parade equaled the Christmas season for successful sales.

American songwriter Irving Berlin worked for 15 years on a song he finally called “Easter Parade” and introduced in 1933. The lyrics were relatively simple, but the song became an instant hit as he promised ladies “in your Easter Bonnet, with all the frills upon it” that they would be the grandest lady in the parade. The song was later used in the final number in the hit 1948 movie “Easter Parade” staring Fred Astaire and Judy Garland. The classic movie contained 17 songs written by Berlin, and it should be added to your movie wish list.

During my childhood, we didn’t have any Easter parades in my small hometown in Idaho. But the children were dressed in their best clothes, the parents brought out their best Sunday-meeting attire, and families proudly appeared in church. In a photo from 1960, my two brothers and I were posed in front of our car before we left for church. My mother knew to quickly take the photograph because my white socks, white Mary-Jane shoes, frilly dress, and white hat had a high chance of becoming dirty within the hour.

Start Your Own Easter Parade
Elaine and her brothers, 1960

In 1978, I was in labor all day Easter with my first child. She was born the following day and came home from the hospital in her first Easter dress. Now, my granddaughters dress up in their new clothes, complete with frilly dresses and perky hats. Photos are taken, Easter brunch is shared, and candy is consumed because it’s been too long since the sugar rush of Valentine’s Day. Some go to church, some don’t, but we try to celebrate together as a family. If there isn’t any parade, we could always start our own. Why not?

2022 Update: This year I enjoyed making Easter eggs and laughing with the youngest granddaughter. Her older sisters have outgrown the tradition and don’t scamper over the lawn searching for hidden eggs. While they’ll never parade on 5th Avenue in elegant dresses, they’ll be busy creating their own memories. No parasols required.