Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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#writing contest

Gators, Taters, and Prizes at YMCA Harrison Classic Race in Boise

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prizes Harrison classic.jpg

Mill Park Publishing of Eagle will participate in the YMCA Harrison Classic on Sunday, October 15. The Classic is a one mile race for kids 13 and under of all abilities, and the route in on Boise’s historic Harrison Boulevard. Participation is the goal of this race; everyone who participates is a winner, regardless of how they finish.

Mill Park Publishing will be at the finish line with prizes, books, and special announcements. Runners can spin a prize wheel and choose a finger puppet, spider ring, or book. The award-winning book Gators & Taters – A Week of Bedtime Stories will be offered for sale at a 50% savings for the Classic.

gators taters poster harrison

Mill Park Publishing also is promoting the children’s writing challenge in conjunction with the Idaho Potato Drop on December 31, 2017.

writing challenge

Mill Park Publishing is owned by author Elaine Ambrose.

 

 

 

My Scary Story

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creepy hallway

The Modern Hotel in Boise sponsored a micro-fiction writing contest inviting scary, hotel-based stories. The rules were to keep the word count below 390, include the image of a hotel hallway, and use this first line: “There had been an argument down the hall.” Here is my entry.

Travel Companion

There had been an argument down the hall. The commotion woke me from a restless sleep, and I mumbled with irritation. Traveling alone on business is exhausting, and I always request a hotel room on a quiet floor away from elevators and rowdy travelers, but Room 782 did not comply with my expectations.

I heard men’s voices, loud and vicious, and a heavy thump that indicated a man was thrown against the wall outside my room. Someone rattled the handle on my door, as if trying to come inside to escape the violence. I gasped for air. A deep voice snarled:

“Where’s my money?”

“I don’t know. I swear. Stop hitting me.”

Wide awake, my mental checklist went on alert: I had locked the door, secured the chain, and my cell phone was on the nightstand. Through the darkness I could see the fuzzy numbers on the clock: 2:00 am. Where were my eyeglasses? I didn’t remember.

The fight ended and I heard them move down the hall, enter another room, and slam the door. I reached for the phone to call the front desk and report the disturbance.

Suddenly I froze. Someone was in my bed.

I felt the sensation of another body lying next to me, but not touching me. I heard the measured, deep breathing and felt a slight movement, an adjustment of heavy weight.

Too terrified to scream or look, I tried to force my hand to keep moving toward the phone but I was paralyzed with fear. Sweat pooled on the back of my neck, and I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out.

Then he spoke.

“Just be quiet. I won’t hurt you.”

I kept my eyes closed but attempted to move away. I finally managed a sick scream.

He covered my mouth with huge dirty hands that smelled of sausages and onions. I bit a thumb and he yelped.

“Stupid woman,” he growled. “Do you realize how many times I have saved your life?”

“What?”

“You travel alone all the time and I’m always there to protect you. You don’t realize that I’m in bed with you in every room you have ever used.”

Panting for breath, I jumped up and turned on the lamp.

The room was empty. There was an indentation in the bed.

 

©ElaineAmbrose

I’m a Loser – The Erma Bombeck Writing Competition Says So

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My entry in the Erma Bombeck Humor Writing Competition did not win. That’s because a thousand funnier women also entered. But, you can read it for FREE right here! Please, don’t judge it because for five minutes I’ll be insecure and delicate.

Sucking Food from a Bag

By Elaine Ambrose

I used to feed my little ones with a spoon shaped like an airplane. Now they open their mouths every time they hear a plane.

But we had great fun during mealtime. I’d strap their wiggly body into the highchair and begin the mommy dance of getting most of the food into their body as the rest splattered on the walls and in my face. The airplane spoon worked best and we had great travel adventures right there in the kitchen.

“Here it comes, (creative airplane noises), open up!”

The animation worked until I tried to sneak in blended peas or stewed prunes. Then even the most daring and high-diving airplane spoon couldn’t open the steel mouth of refusal. But, this pilot was no dummy. Sprinkle a few berries on top of the concoction and that fortress opened faster than the mouse ran up the clock.

What’s up with wee toddlers sucking food out of pouches? Now clever marketers and busy parents have discovered food pouches that offer quick, easy, and convenient ways to feed babies. Slap on an “organic” label, and you can dash out the door guilt-free. Just don’t forget to take the baby.

Ancient civilizations used to chew their food and then give it to their babies. Personally, I recommend a food blender. I wonder if today’s young parents know that they can take regular food and smash it into mush to make it easier to feed their toddlers. I suspect this technique was used by all the generations before 1927 when Mrs. Dan Gerber, the wife of a Michigan canning company owner, asked her husband for help in straining peas for their infant daughter. Now Gerber sells 190 products in 80 countries, and in 2007, Gerber was sold to Nestlé for $5.5 billion. Well played, Mrs. Gerber.

My baby son didn’t like processed baby food. That could be because he weighed 20 pounds when he was four months old and had the appetite of a high school football player. He preferred soup, mashed potatoes, and hamburger. By age one, he was gnawing on steak bones. If I had offered him a pouch of processed baby food, he would have toddled out the door and attacked the neighbor’s cat.

I believe a special experience is lost when a toddler is strapped into a back car seat sucking food from a bag while Mommy is swearing as she maneuvers through traffic. It’s probably okay to use the food pouches in emergencies, but otherwise I say bring back the airplane spoon, sit down face to face, and have some fun. Delightful toddlers have a way of turning overnight into aloof teenagers, so enjoy a captive audience while you can.