Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

Blog

Let’s Celebrate Truckers, Gators, and Taters

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To support truck drivers and inspire children to imagine award-winning storytelling, here is the first story in Gators & Taters – A Week of Bedtime Stories. The children’s book won a prestigious writing award for children’s literature from The Independent Press. (The story is written in poetry form with the accent on every third syllable using the same meter and rhyme scheme as the classic poem T’was the Night Before Christmas written in 1823 by Clement Clarke Moore.)

Available in Paperback, eBook, and Audiobook

 

 

 

 

Happy Alligators playing in potatoes

 

 

 

Cleo and Clyde wave bye-bye.

 

The story is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook read by the author. Thanks to Patrick Bochnak for the festive illustrations.

Copyright Elaine Ambrose

 

The Reverse Vengeance Doll

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My friend gave me a stuffed doll with a sharp pin because someone hurt me so profoundly, I couldn’t cope with the emotional pain. The doll caused me to laugh. That’s what good people do when they know their friends are hurting.

In moments of frustration, I often grabbed the doll and took great delight in jabbing the pin around various parts of the stuffed body. The action relieved momentary hurt and stress, but the doll didn’t feel any retribution. I realized the pain remained in my heart.

I decided to try a different tactic. I poked the doll when I wanted to send positive thoughts to the person who continued to attack me. Now I send love and compassion with the same intensity I used to send hate and anger.

I don’t know if the intended person feels or acknowledges positive thoughts sent through the reverse vengeance doll, but I feel better. For me, the only way to heal from years of cruelty is to return unconditional love. That doesn’t mean I deserve to be a victim, or claim to be a pitiful martyr, or am too weak to fight back. Someone or something deeply hurt the person who hurt me, so I want to stop the cycle – one poke at a time.

Magically Invisible after Age 50

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After a certain age, women are ignored as if they don’t exist. We could tap dance through a crowded room wearing lighted clown noses with a tray of free martinis on our heads while singing an Italian opera, but no one would notice. Trust me, I’ve tried.

Sales clerks, young coworkers, and several relatives refuse to acknowledge us. After being ignored by waiters, we’re often tempted to march into the kitchen at a restaurant, dish up whatever is cooking on the stove, and bring it to our table. Then we could leave money on the table and tip ourselves before we left.

One time, my friend Nancy and I experienced a frustrating time trying to get the attention of a sales clerk as we patiently waited to return a purchase. We needed to exchange the bling-covered, thigh-high boots we bought in a moment of unbridled foolishness. There may have been alcohol involved.

“If this line takes any longer, I’ll have to chew these boots for my dinner,” Nancy said.

“I think the warranty just expired on my new tires,” I responded.

“Oh, look! I think the sales clerk just noticed us and gave a faint smile.”

Then a young tart with a plastic face and noisy bangles came skittering up on her six-inch heels, shoved her assets in front of us, and received immediate attention from the animated sales staff. After being ignored, we suddenly disregarded our childhood instructions to be people-pleasers. We began to channel their dormant inner sorcerer. We may have briefly levitated.

“We could curse her until she spontaneously bursts into flames,” I said.

“No, if we have that much power, let’s turn her older than we are,” snarled Nancy.

Nancy felt emboldened and moved closer to the counter. “You must be so much more important than I am,” she said. “My mama told me not to be pushy like you, so I’ll just continue to wait here looking at your imperfect backside.” She added a toothy smile, raised her eyebrows, and tilted her head ever so slightly.

The intruder felt the glare of angry eyes on the back of her well-styled hairdo and turned around. Sensing a pack of wild women who were hungry, breathing their last breath of tolerance, and in desperate need of a bathroom, she stammered an apology and slinked away before the sales clerk could call for security.

Nancy and I high-fived like silly school girls and pushed toward the counter. We managed to return the boots and have time to relax at a nearby restaurant. We were delighted when a handsome young waiter rushed over, obviously excited to greet us. Maybe we weren’t invisible or irrelevant, after all!

“You look just like my grandmother!” he gushed. “She died last year.”

We ordered and enjoyed two glasses of wine, tipped the waiter and patted him on the head like a good boy, and went shopping for bling-covered, thigh-high boots.

 

In Defense of Idaho Education

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Commencement Speaker, University of Idaho

I am a product of Idaho education – 12 years in the village of Wendell and four years at the University of Idaho, graduating with Phi Beta Kappa scholastic honors. I enjoyed a successful career working in several Idaho business, including KMVT-TV, Idaho Bank & Trust, and Boise Cascade before starting my own publishing business.

I majored in journalism at the U of I and revered the AP Style Book from the Associated Press. Unfortunately, the AP has become a cesspool of progressive bias, and this latest article by Keith Ridler has more manure than my father’s hog farm. The title is wrong, he cites right-wing sources without balance, and he manipulates the article to fit his false claim.

In the biased article, “Businesses: Idaho Education Politics are Hurting State,” only ONE actual business spokesperson responded to the AP inquiry, and the response did not criticize Idaho education. The quote comes from Micron Technology, a company that employs more than 6,000 people in Idaho. Apparently, they can read and write.

The article also states Idaho “has had one of the worst graduation rates in the nation.” That is not true.

Here are some key facts he ignored: New York State spends more than $27,000 per pupil. New York has a 78% high school graduation rate.

Idaho spends about $7,800 per student. With an 82% graduation rate, Idaho has a higher rate of high school graduation than New York. 

What does New York receive in return for spending almost $20,000 more per student than Idaho? The answer is: A lower graduation rate. Money isn’t the answer. We need a better educational system without the control of the National Education Association supported through biased articles from the media.

I encourage Idaho parents to become more involved in education and investigate the curriculum and books available at libraries in local schools. They might be tempted to obtain a book about homeschooling. 

To conclude, I’m proud to be a third-generation Idahoan, but I’m concerned about my grandchildren’s education. I hope their classes teach them the skills necessary to become a productive, successful adult. I also hope they learn how to decipher truth from fiction in the media.

“Melody” Wins Third International Writing Award

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The NYC Big Book Award® recognized Melody’s Magical Flying Machine by Elaine Ambrose as a Distinguished Favorite in the category of Children’s Fiction.

The competition is judged by experts from various aspects of the book industry, including publishers, writers, editors, book cover designers, and professional copywriters. According to officials from the New York City Big Book Award program, the elected award Winners and Distinguished Favorites are based on overall excellence. Worldwide submissions came from journalists, well-established authors, small and large press as well as first-time indie authors.  Entries were from Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, and North America.

Illustration of Melody

Melody’s Magical Flying Machine introduces a delightful 10-year-old girl who loves telling stories and dreaming of adventures. She also has Down syndrome. She meets a talking bird, and they create a flying machine using a 3D printer. To accompany the book, two toys were designed by a 3D printer in Nampa, Idaho. The book is a beginning chapter book for early readers.

Other Awards and Reviews

Earlier this year, the book also won two other international awards. The book won the 2021 Silver Medal for Children’s Literature from the Moonbeam Book Awards program. The book also was named Distinguished Favorite from the Independent Press Book Awards program. National reviews have been positive.

Publishers Weekly named the book an “Editor’s Pick for a Book of Outstanding Quality.” The review mentioned “vivid prose” and “imaginative tapestry that is Melody’s magical adventure.” The published review stated, “Melody’s ensuing adventure, while seemingly simple, is delightfully whimsical, yet still provides space for surprisingly accurate, age-appropriate scientific explanations of both Down syndrome and 3-D printers. Also included are frank depictions of Melody’s health and early challenges, including being born with a bad heart. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, Melody displays an abundance of self-confidence and character. Not only is she sure of her abilities, she’s popular, has an exhaustive list of talents such as hugging and humming, and has a wide range of interests including swordplay and cute clothes. (She takes pride in demonstrating that fun and adventure have no gender.) The review concluded: “This charming flight of fancy with an equally charming protagonist will delight readers who want to be both educated and entertained.”

Kirkus Reviews wrote, “Melody’s Magical Flying Machine is a joyful, well-told story that celebrates the power of imagination. Melody is an engaging narrator whose cheerful affection, knack for happiness, and zestful imagination express themselves in every line.”

Other reviews came from five children who read the original manuscript and offered critiques. One suggestion inspired the increased presence of a little brother named Jack who tells knock-knock jokes. The book is illustrated by Idaho illustrator Caroline Zina. The paperback was published by Brown Books Kids.

Melody and JuJu use a 3D printer to make a flying machine.

The book makes the perfect holiday and Christmas gift. There are no supply chain issues because the author’s books are written in Idaho and published in the USA. Books can be ordered through independent bookstores, online, and from the author. The paperback is $7.99.  The audiobook is $6.08.  The eBook is $4.99.  3D toys of the girl and the flying machine are $4 each, available from the author.

Elaine Ambrose is the bestselling author of ten books, a viral blogger, and webinar speaker. Her books have won 12 international writing awards in three genres: humor, memoir, and children’s books. She wrote one of the most-read essays in the history of The Huffington Post. Elaine, a third-generation Idahoan, lives and writes stories in Eagle.

Melody the Daydreamer

“Don’t forget me, Sweetie Pie.”
Three 2021 International Awards for Children’s Fiction

 

 

Finding Rhythm: 80 Songs in 80 Days

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I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy heart disease after suffering a heart attack in June. Surgery in July plus several prescribed medications have improved the function of my heart, but I continue to experience shortness of breath. I can’t walk or talk very long, and I’ve had to cancel speaking gigs and postpone a few scheduled webinars for my writing workshops. I can do one thing: play piano.

 

I started playing piano music to stimulate regular heartbeats and to share music. My elaborate recording studio consists of my iPad on a stool on a bench. I played the first song on August 1 and posted it to my Facebook account.

Requests started to come, and I kept playing. Most of the songs were my favorites, but there were a few new ones: I had never heard “One Little Candle,” but now I love the song. The most difficult requests to play were “Stairway to Heaven,” “You Must Love Me,” and “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

I wrote a synopsis for each request and enjoyed using various props, artwork, and outfits to go with each song. My hair changed color three times since August, going from brunette to blonde to “pewter.” Pewter sounds so much better than “gray.”

 

As I played each song, I imagined the person sitting in my piano room and listening to me play the requested song. I’m alone most of the time, so the experience was welcomed. My breathing has improved with the regular practicing and playing, and my weak heart is healing and full of joy.

I’m taking a break after playing 80 songs in 80 days. I’ll play and post more songs as Christmas gets closer. Who can resist some festive holiday music? I intend to keep the music playing as long as possible and share the healing harmony.

Here is the list of 80 songs:

August 1 – “If I Loved You”

August 2 – “His Eye Is On the Sparrow”

August 3 – “Born Free”

August 5 – “Hallelujah Chorus”

August 6 – “Moonlight Sonata”

August 10 – “Danny Boy”

August 11 – “Ode to Joy”

August 12 – “The Yellow Rose of Texas”

August 13 – “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”

August 14 – “River Flows in You”

August 15 – “The Old Rugged Cross”

August 16 – “Bushel and a Peck”

August 17 – “Unchained Melody”

August 18 – “God Bless the USA”

August 19 – “Waltz Across Texas”

August 20 – “In the Garden”

August 21 – “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”

August 21 – “Morning has Broken”

August 22 – “How Great Thou Art”

August 23 – “You’ve Got a Friend”

August 24 – “When Blue Moon Turns to Gold Again”

August 25 – “What a Wonderful World”

August 26 – “Let it Be”

August 27 – “The Marine’s Hymn”

August 28 – “Blessed Assurance”

August 29 – “You’ll Never Walk Alone”

August 30 – “The Entertainer”

August 31 – “Stairway to Heaven”

September 1 – “The Highwayman”

September 2 – “It is Well with my Soul”

September 3 – “For You”

September 4 – “Walk Away Renee”

September 5 – “All Things Bright and Beautiful”

September 6 – “Shallow”

September 7 – “Golden Slumbers”

September 8 – “Happy Birthday” (Not counted in total)

September 8 – “Moon River”

September 9 – “Somewhere Out There”

September 10 – “Moonlight in Vermont”

September 11 – “Watermark”

September 12 – “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”

September 13 – Theme Song from “The Midnight Cowboy”

September 14 – “The Falling Leaves”

September 15 – “The 12th of Never”

September 16 – “You Must Love Me”

September 17 – “The Star-Spangled Banner”

September 18 – “Could it Be Magic?”

September 19 – “Time in a Bottle”

September 20- “Last Date”

September 21 – “Here We Have Idaho”

September 22 – “Tapestry”

September 23 – “In the Mood”

September 24 – Theme Song from “The Summer of ‘42”

September 25 – “One Little Candle”

September 26 – “Bringing in the Sheaves”

September 27 – “Sittin’ On the Dock of the Bay”

September 28 – “Danger Zone”

September 29 – “Piano Man”

September 30 – “Take My Breath Away”

October 1 – “Battle Hymn of the Republic”

October 2 – “As Time Goes By”

October 3 – “Amazing Grace”

October 4 – “A Woman in Love”

October 5 – “Born to be Wild”

October 6 – “Some Enchanted Evening”

October 7 – “Nocturne” from “Secret Garden”

October 8 – “In the Garden”

October 9 – “I Dreamed a Dream”

October 10 – “His Eye Is on the Sparrow”

October 11 – “Fields of Gold”

October 12 – “Berceuse”

October 13 – “In the Arms of the Angel”

October 14 – “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter”

October 15 – “I Talk to the Trees”

October 16 – “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah”

October 17 – “He’s Got the Whole World”

October 18 – “Bohemian Rhapsody”

October 19 – “The Enchanted Garden”

October 20 – “The Music of the Night”

October 21 – “You’re My Home”

October 22 – “All I Ask of You”