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Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Gators & Taters: A Week of Bedtime Stories

May 3, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

Gators & TatersBy Elaine Ambrose
The young and the young at heart will be touched and delighted with this unique collection of eight original bedtime stories created to inspire children to wonder about characters, places, and adventures. Lyrical language, captivating scenes, and gentle messages provide a safe and soothing message at the end of the day. Because there is ony one illlustration per story, children can use their imaginations to complete the details.
Gators & Taters has received the following honors:

  • Selected for Bowker’s National Recommended Reading List for 2004 – ony 50 children’s books are listed annuallly
  • Selected for Idaho Public Television “First Books” program with Statewide distribution to underprivileged children
  • Selected for State of Idaho “Read Out Loud Crowd” program
  • Selected as “Best Children’s Book of 2003” by a national reviewer
  • Selected for Summer Reading List for the Log Cabin Literary Center in Boise
  • Selected for the Barnes & Noble Summer Reading Program in Boise
  • Gators & Taters was written by Elaine Ambrose, owner of Mill Park Publishing.

The book is available for $9.95 (plus Idaho sales tax) from Mill Park Publishing.

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Filed Under: books

The Magic Potato – La Papa Magica

May 2, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

The Magic PotatoBy Elaine Ambrose
A bilingual color and story book that has been approved by the Idaho State Board of Education for the state-wide curriculum. Hop on the Magic Potato and learn fun and interesting facts about Idaho as he flies around the state! The easy-to-read story includes side-by-side English and Spanish versions that cover days of the week, colors, and numbers.
The Magic Potato was written by Elaine Ambrose, translated by Emily Nielsen, and illustrated by Heidi Winchel.

The book is available for $3.00 from Mill Park Publishing.

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Filed Under: books

Waiting for the Harvest

May 1, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

Waiting for the Harvest

By Elaine Ambrose
This book provides a delightful romp through the adventures and growing pains of a young girl in southern Idaho during the 1960s. Set against the backdrop of a volatile potato harvest, the story tells of waiting for water, waiting for maturity, and waiting for answers to some of life’s toughest questions.

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Filed Under: books

Midlife Cabernet: From Blog to Book

April 24, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

My first blog post for Midlife Cabernet was published in February of 2008 when I was a youngster in my fifties. Since then, I have repeatedly lost and regained the weight of a piano, divorced and remarried, moved twice, authored or published ten books, attended both my children’s joyful marriages and then held their darling baby girls, supervised the building of a mountain cabin, admitted my mother into a nursing home, and enjoyed enough red wine to preserve me for another twenty years.

This blog was the constant activity through all the chaos and commotion. My first topics were about how to survive the empty nest and described the powerful realization that I would live longer without my children than with them. (This may bring some relief to beleaguered moms of toddlers.) Subsequent blogs covered the raw realities of menopause, body failures, eldercare, and old, old friends. Looking back, Midlife Cabernet is a private journal that I happened to share on the World Wide Web.

So, why not make it a book? Voila! Midlife Cabernet – Love, Life & Laughter after Fifty will premiere in April. It’s a combination of my published blogs and new material, previously unseen by human eyes. Chapters include “Midlife Dating and Mating,” “The Proper Care and Coddling of Curmudgeons,” and “A Time to Laugh, a Time to Get a Weapon.”

If you write a blog (and you should), here’s how you can turn it into a self-published book:

Write well and regularly about topics that interest a target audience.
Save all your published essays into word documents and divide them by categories. For example, I organized all my blogs about grandchildren into an entire chapter titled “Grandkids as Speed Bumps.”
Add 50% new material.
Set a budget. For about $3,500 you can pay for design, editing, printing, and shipping for 100 copies of a 230-page book that contains 60,000 words. Be sure to price the book to cover your costs. Profit is nice, too.
Study online resources and talk to published authors to learn how to self-publish a book. If you want bookstores to consider carrying your book, obtain an ISBN number.
Work with a professional graphic designer to create a dynamite cover and design the interior text. If you’re also doing an e-book, a different configuration is necessary.
Hire a professional editor or two and enlist a few of your literate friends to proofread the copy. My final copy went through four edits and revisions.
Choose an online publishing company. I have used Lulu, BookMasters, and CreateSpace. I prefer CreateSpace. Study their website for instructions. Upload the cover and text, order a proof copy, make any changes, and then order the books.
When the box of books arrives, open it carefully and then relish the moment you first hold your precious creation. This euphoria lasts only a few moments until you realize that the books will languish in your garage until you sell them. Marketing and promotion is just as important as the production. Again, learn from a variety of resources about how to arrange book signing events, obtain reviews, promote through social media, and basically become a book peddler. Remember that your friends and relatives will only buy so many copies before they stop taking your calls.

Finally, enjoy the process of writing a book. There is an enormous feeling of accomplishment when you walk into the local bookstore and see your title on the shelf. You may or may not obtain fame or fortune from your work, but take comfort in knowing you did it. Then go home and start writing your next masterpiece.

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #blogs, #books, #humor, #midlife

Midlife Cabernet: The World is Tilting Upside Down

April 24, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

My wee granddaughter likes to poke her butt in the air, place her head on the floor, and look back between her legs. This position is best executed by little people who are close to the ground. I tried it once but strained my back, ripped my pants, and fell on my face.

It’s tempting to try this pose again because everything seems to be upside down, and what once was considered strange and inappropriate is now accepted and even celebrated. Here are some perplexing examples of recent news stories that hurt my brain and cause me to mutter (more than usual.)

A man in Portland frantically called 911 because his cat scared him into cowering in a bedroom with his family. The man was paid to tell his terrifying tale on a television entertainment program, and the cat is in therapy. I live with a Marine who could strangle a ferocious beast with one hand without spilling his gin and tonic. And I’m thankful for that fact.

In a related story about a new product, when the killer cat dies the owner can memorialize the feisty feline by having its nose molded into a sterling silver necklace. This lovely tribute is available at several online stores and costs a few hundred dollars. I don’t want any friends who wear animal noses as jewelry. That’s just wrong.

Then there’s the news about a 31-year-old Michigan woman who is in jail because she bit off her boyfriend’s ear during a domestic dispute. Maybe the boyfriend should enlist the help of Angelica Velez of Brooklyn, a tattooed sideshow star who was interviewed last week about her unique and enviable ability to hammer nails up her nose. You can bet your sweet hammered nostrils that she would organize and sell tickets to a catfight between the ear-chomping girlfriend and the notorious kitty.

She’s probably not part of a peculiar group of lonely women who choose to marry inanimate objects. I read a report that a woman in Florida married an amusement park ride because she experienced special feelings while riding it. (And who doesn’t? But we don’t marry the things!) Women also have married other items, including the Eiffel Tower in Paris and the Berlin Wall in Germany. There’s not a single chance of biting off ears in these relationships.

Finally, I’m stunned by the “too damn many lawyers” story about the teenage girl suing her parents for child support. Too bad that sweetheart hadn’t met my father. If I had tried that, I would have been given a one-way ticket on the next bus to Florida to go live with a tattooed woman and her one-eared cat.

I’ve decided to stop reading news bulletins because they clutter my brain with disturbing images and confounding details. I’ll just focus on things I already know to be weird, irrational, and irrelevant. The US Congress comes to mind.

Today’s blog was fueled by a Sebastiani Cabernet from Sonoma County. It’s $40 a bottle at the Kona Grill in The Village at Meridian, but go on Wednesday because all wine is 50% off the regular price. Enjoy a bottle or two and then you’ll be able to strike a downward facing dog pose to get a balanced perspective on our tilted world.

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #humor, #midlife, #Village at Meridian, #weird news

Midlife Cabernet – Wedding Advice to an Ex-Niece

April 21, 2014 By Elaine Ambrose

A dozen years ago, I married into an Italian Catholic family and became part of a gregarious clan that gathers regularly to celebrate weddings, funerals, family reunions, and any excuse to cook and share the “La Bella Figura.” Although my marriage ended in divorce, that family remains an important part of my life and I miss them; well, most of them.

My ex-niece is getting married Friday, and of course, I’m not invited. One of the many unfortunate realities of divorce is that the ex-spouse belongs to the ex-family. I remain in contact with my delightful ex-sister-in-law and her charming children, and I wish we were closer. Because of my past failures and my current success in marriage, I want to offer some advice to my ex-niece on the eve of her wedding.

  1. Believe in Yourself. You can’t depend upon anyone or anything else to make you happy. Your tenacity will sustain you throughout your life, and your husband will appreciate a self-confident partner (and vice versa.)
  2. Retain an Attitude of Gratitude. Sometime after the wedding you will experience the first major disappointment or crisis. Be grateful for the opportunity to prove that you are strong enough to handle it. Kick some butt, if necessary.
  3. Respect your Family and In-laws. My ex-mother-in-law, your late grandmother, raised six children and dutifully supported her military husband. And, she made the best green lasagna in the world. My ex-father-in-law, The Colonel, is still feisty, and I miss talking with him.
  4. Children are Fabulous and Frustrating. If you are blessed with children, share equally in the responsibilities. Make your marriage a priority so that when the kids move away you’ll be excited because the two of you can run around the house naked.
  5. Keep the Faith. It’s great fun to experience the abundant joys of life. The true challenge comes when you’re assaulted with pain and circumstances that bring you to your knees. But, that’s where you will be comforted and inspired by the grace of God. Trust me.

I believe that people come into our lives for a reason. I was raised in a critical, competitive family; my father chose not to attend my high school graduation, my parents and brothers refused the invitation to my first wedding, my brother sued me and I haven’t seen him in 14 years. So I’m grateful to the Romanos for giving me a brief but boisterous look at how families should celebrate together. Now, I eagerly enjoy spending time with my wonderful husband, our children, and their families. It’s with that conviction that I raise a glass to toast Jenn and her new husband and sincerely invite them to come to Idaho for a visit. I have a well-worn recipe for her grandma’s green lasagna, and we will eat, drink and be merry.

Today’s blog is compliments of a bottle of Amarone, a bold, Italian, dry, red wine that is worth the price, and perfect for a special family celebration. Ciao!

Filed Under: blog

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