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Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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The Fiddler Finds a Family: A Story with Two Versions

July 6, 2020 By Elaine Ambrose

(Note: Does a 50 percent edit help or harm the story? One version contains 900 words, and the other is edited to 450 words.)

(900 words)
It was early spring when Fiddling Freddie finally decided to leave his home near the city. He sold his house and car and used the money to buy a pickup truck and a mountain cabin near a lake. He loaded everything he owned into the back of his truck, placed his fiddle on the seat beside him, and drove away. As his former life disappeared in the rear-view mirror, he felt totally free for the first time in several years.

At the cabin, Freddie carefully arranged his comfortable rocking chair in front of the fireplace, set up a small but sturdy bed in the corner, hung his clothes in the closet, and filled the tiny kitchen with plates, pans, and utensils. He placed an oak table and two chairs beside the window. His fiddle case rested on top a wooden book case filled with his favorite novels and magazines. The only other room was a tiny bathroom with a toilet, sink, and tub. Water came from a stream flowing beside the cabin, and stacks of firewood were ready for the stove and fireplace. Several kerosene lanterns and candles provided necessary light.

On the log walls, he hung a calendar, a poster of himself fiddling on stage, a faded photograph of a young couple holding a baby girl, and a picture of his dear departed wife. Freddie stood in the doorway, inspected his new home, and nodded with approval. He was so happy he took his fiddle, sat on the porch, and played until sunset.

The next day, Freddie traveled to a general store in the nearby village and purchased food supplies, including flour, coffee, butter, and eggs. He also bought seeds and tools to make a garden. He prepared the land next to the cabin and planted potatoes, corn, and tomatoes. He cut a small canal from the stream to water the crops. The garden would provide food to sustain him through the winter.

One morning after working in the garden, Freddie sat on the porch to play his fiddle. A child’s voice startled him.

“I like your music, Mister.”

Fiddler looked up to see a boy standing on the dirt road beside the cabin. “Thank you,” he replied. “Folks call me Fiddling Freddie. Who are you?”

The boy walked over, introduced himself as Steven Cartwright, and said he lived with his family just around the bend. The boy asked the old man how he learned to play music. Freddie told the tale about traveling the country and playing at fairs, barn dances, and town celebrations. At one show, he met a beautiful young singer, fell in love, and they were married more than 40 years before she got sick and passed away.

“Do you have kids?” The boy asked.

“We had a daughter. She’s grown and has children of her own. They moved away and don’t have time for me anymore,” Fiddler said. “They don’t care about my stories.”

“I like your stories,” the boy said. “Can I come back tomorrow and bring some friends?”

Freddie agreed. He was surprised the next day when five children walked into his yard. He picked up the fiddle, tucked it under his chin, and began a top-tapping selection of songs from bluegrass to country to Irish folk tunes. Then he told stories about his adventures on the road playing in isolated saloons, big city jazz bars, and ending at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville, Tennessee.

“More stories! More stories!” The children begged. Soon more children came to hear his music and stories.

Fiddling Freddie regaled them with tall tales of playing for the Queen of England. That story may have been an exaggeration. He explained how his fiddle once stopped a bullet from a wild cowboy at a boisterous party in Montana. That story, also, may have been embellished. His favorite story was how he got lost in the Idaho mountains and played his fiddle until a magic, flying horse appeared and flew him home. The children clapped and begged for more.

The summer rolled into autumn, and Freddie harvested the crops from his garden. He fixed baskets of produce to trade at the general store in exchange for supplies. The rest of the vegetables were dried and stored for winter.

The children continued to visit to hear his music and stories. One day the boy, Steven, asked Freddie if he could come to their home for Sunday afternoon dinner. He obliged and took his fiddle and a sack of potatoes. Steven’s parents and five siblings welcomed Freddie and gave him the “company chair” at the meal. He shared more stories and played some tunes.

When it was time to go, he thanked the family. Steven’s mother handed him a homemade pie and a loaf of bread. “Do come back often,” she said. “We’ve heard so much about you, and we decided you’re part of the family.”

Fiddling Freddie drove to his cabin as the sun was setting behind the mountain. He lit a lamp, sat on the porch, and gazed at the night sky as the stars began to appear. He felt gratitude for his life and for his new family. Suddenly he thought about an original tale he would tell the children. The story would describe the time he was fiddling on the roof and a stong wind blew him into an enchanted meadow of singing gnomes. He smiled.

The Fiddler Finds a Family

(450 words)
Fiddling Freddie lived in a cozy cabin in the mountains. To celebrate his simple, happy life, he often sat on the front porch and played his fiddle in a spirited medley of songs from bluegrass to country to Irish folk tunes.

One morning after working in his garden, Freddie sat to play. A child’s voice startled him.

“I like your music, Mister.”

Fiddler looked up to see a boy and four other children standing on the dirt road beside the cabin. “Thank you,” he replied. “Folks call me Fiddling Freddie. Who are you?”

The boy walked over, introduced himself as Steven, and said he lived with his family just around the bend. The boy asked the old man how he learned to play music. Freddie told how he traveled the country and played at fairs, barn dances, and town celebrations. He told stories about his adventures on the road playing in isolated saloons, big city jazz bars, and ending at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville, Tennessee.

“I like your stories,” Steven said. The other children agreed.

Soon more children came to hear his music and stories. Fiddling Freddie regaled them with tall tales of playing for the Queen of England. That story may have been an exaggeration. He explained how his fiddle once stopped a bullet from a wild cowboy at a boisterous party in Montana. That story, also, may have been embellished. His favorite story was how he got lost in the Idaho mountains and played his fiddle until a magic, flying horse appeared and flew him home. The children clapped and begged for more.

One day Steven asked Freddie if he could come to their home for Sunday dinner. He obliged and took his fiddle and a sack of potatoes from his garden. Steven’s parents and five siblings welcomed Freddie and gave him the “company chair” at the meal. He shared more stories and played some tunes.

When it was time to go, he thanked the family and left the potatoes. Steven’s mother handed him a homemade pie and a loaf of bread. “Do come back often,” she said. “We’ve heard so much about you, and we consider you part of the family.”

Fiddling Freddie drove to his cabin as the sun was setting behind the mountain. He lit a lamp, sat on the porch, and gazed at the night sky as the stars began to appear. He felt gratitude for his life and for his new family. Suddenly he thought about an original tale he would tell the children. The story would describe the time he was fiddling on the roof and a stong wind blew him into an enchanted meadow of singing gnomes. He smiled.

©ElaineAmbrose

(Illustrations are from the award-winning book Gaters & Taters – A Week of Bedtime Stories.)

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #amwriting, #editing, #fiddle, #music, Storytelling, writingcommunity

Give Mom Humor and Be Her Favorite Child

May 7, 2020 By Elaine Ambrose

Flowers and candy are lovely gifts for Mother’s Day, but after all the angst and drama of the past two months, Mom wants to laugh! I’d love to help. My award-winning books, eBooks, and audiobooks will cause your mother to smile again and love you more than your siblings.

“Laugh-out-loud funny!” – Publishers Weekly

“Resembles Erma Bombeck.” – Foreword Reviews

Winners of Five National Writing Awards, including Finalist for Book of the Year for Humor with a rare 5-Star Review

Both books were ranked #1 Bestsellers online.

Midlife Happy Hour is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook read by the Author

Midlife Cabernet is available in paperback and eBook

Here’s a sneak peek of the preliminary cover for the final book in the midlife trilogy: Midlife Reboot – Humorous Stories of Rest, Resilience, and Renewal. This book will make the perfect Christmas and holiday present, so you’ll still be the favorite child.

Order the first two books online, from local bookstores, or directly from the author: For personalized and autographed copies, email elaine@elaineambrose.com

Filed Under: blog, books Tagged With: #amwriting, #middle age, cabernet, happy hour, Humor, laughter, midlife, MothersDay

A Pain in the Foot – Winning Essay for Erma Bombeck Writing Competition

February 21, 2020 By Elaine Ambrose

(Note: This essay was chosen as a winner in the 2020 Erma Bombeck Humor Writing Competition. I’ll read the essay at a reception hosted by Betsy Bombeck, Erma’s daughter, at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Dayton, Ohio, in April.)

Shock wave therapy device – for feet

I limped into the doctor’s office, grimacing with every other step. My strong right foot was ready to dance half of a festive polka, but the left foot hurt as if I were walking in a box of rocks over the smoldering ashes of my broken dreams. I explained to the doctor how the agony in my heel was worse in the morning, and I wanted to stay in bed, read books, and hire a mysterious Italian hunk named Antonio to bring me brunch and sing ballads.

“You have plantar fasciitis,” Doctor Rodgers said after manipulating my foot. The diagnosis sounded sophisticated and serious.

“Am I going to die?” I asked, mentally assessing who should receive my collection of original Beatles’ albums after the fatal fasciitis destroyed my plantar.

The doctor stifled a groan. “The plantar fascia is a fibrous tissue that extends along the bottom of your foot and connects your heel bone to your toes. Your foot hurts because the tissue has serious inflammation.”

Those were medical terms I could understand. I had issues with tissues.

“Do you jog?” The doctor peered at my matronly body covered with black sweatpants and large shirt featuring the words: “I Heart Donuts.” We both laughed.

“Do you wear high-heeled shoes?”

“Not since the Reagan Administration,” I answered. “And, only for fancy fundraising dinners. I’ll never forget the Spring Gala of 1988 when I wore silver satin heels and Lydia Zollinger spilled red wine on my shoe. I dumped the rest of her wine on the other shoe so they would match.”

Dr. Rodgers cleared her throat, indicating she didn’t care about the Spring Gala. She proceeded to describe remedies that included stretching exercises, ice packs, wraps, shoe inserts, oils, and orthopedic shoes. None of her recommendations included Antonio, my morning troubadour. She mumbled something about losing weight, but my brain had a mental block against such wicked words. Chubby people don’t need to be told to lose weight.

Then she recommended a treatment called Extracorporeal Shock Wave Therapy.

“I might be an older, full-bodied woman with a limp,” I retorted, “but I don’t need shock therapy.”

Shock Wave Therapy – 9-Second video

“The technique uses a wand to distribute shock waves over the bottom of your foot,” she explained patiently. “Most clients report immediate improvement.”

Tiffany Wilson Campbell of Matrix Regenerative Medicine in Boise tortures and tames the pain.

At the scheduled appointment, the technician moved the magic machine over my foot, promising it wouldn’t hurt. After the procedure ended, I gently stood and rejoiced because the pain was gone. I was ready for both feet to dance a lively polka down Main Street. Full of gratitude, I decided to add the technician’s name to my Will. She can have the Beatles’ albums.

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #, #amwriting, #ErmaBombeck, #humor, #plantarfasciitis, #shockwavetherapy, #writingcontest

Idaho Author is a Winner in the Erma Bombeck Humor Writing Competition

February 18, 2020 By Elaine Ambrose

Elaine Ambrose, a bestselling author and humorist from Meridian, Idaho, is a winner in the prestigious Erma Bombeck Writing Competition. Her essay titled “A Pain in the Foot” won Honorable Mention in the 2020 Global Humor category. Entries were submitted from 559 writers from 11 different countries and 49 states as they attempted to capture the essence of Erma’s writings.

Erma Bombeck was an American humorist, newspaper columnist, and bestselling author who gained popularity through her newspaper column that described home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. Bombeck died in 1996, but her humor endures through a bi-annual writers’ workshop in Dayton, Ohio.

Ambrose will read her winning essay at the Workshop in April at a reception hosted by Betsy Bombeck, Erma’s daughter. Ambrose has participated in the conferences since 2014 when she performed Stand-Up Comedy at the event. In 2016, she taught two writing workshops, and in 2018, she was one of the authors chosen for the bestselling book Laugh Out Loud. The award-winning book debuted at the 2018 conference.

Ambrose adds this honor to numerous other awards for writing humor.

“Don’t Fart During an MRI” – This essay on The Huffington Post went viral in 2014 with more than 800,000 likes and was translated into six languages around the world.

“My Mothers Body Got Lost” – This essay was a winner in the “Voice of the Year” writing competition sponsored by BlogHer. Ambrose accepted the award at a conference in New York City.

For three consecutive years, her humorous essays have won writing awards for humor from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists and Bloggers.

Receiving Award from Pulitzer Prize Winning Writer Maureen Dowd

Her book Midlife Happy Hour was a finalist for “Book of the Year for Humor” from Foreword Reviews received a rare 5-Star National Clarion Review. The collection of humorous essays also received two writing awards from the Independent Press Awards program.

Her book Midlife Cabernet won the Silver Medal for Humor from the Independent Publisher Books Awards program. Publishers Weekly reviewed the book as “Laugh-out-Loud Funny!” Foreword Reviews wrote that the writing resembled Erma Bombeck.

Ambrose co-authored Menopause Sucks, a national bestselling book.

Ambrose is an internationally recognized syndicated blogger. She was voted one of the top three authors in the “Best of Treasure Valley” contest sponsored by The Idaho Statesman in 2016 and 2019. She owns Mill Park Publishing and was named a “Business Woman of the Year for 2014” by the Idaho Business Review.

A founding member of the Idaho Writers Guild, Ambrose also organizes and hosts writing workshops and speaks at events across the country. She’ll be teaching writing workshops in Ireland for two weeks in April through a tour group knows as Wayfinding Women.

Ambrose has authored or coauthored 15 books, several eBooks, and three audiobooks. She writes in three genres: humor, memoir, and children’s books. She’s currently working on the third book in the Midlife Trilogy with a book titled Midlife Reboot – How to Unplug and Start Over. Her new children’s book titled Melody’s Magical Flying Machine should be released before the end of the year. Find details on her website: ElaineAmbrose.com. She lives in Meridian with her patient husband.

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #amwriting, #ErmaBombeck, #humor, #midlife, #writingcontest

Children’s Book Stars Delightful Girl with Down Syndrome

February 7, 2020 By Elaine Ambrose

I’m excited to announce my latest children’s book, Melody’s Magical Flying Machine, will be released in September. The chapter book for children ages 7-12 introduces 10-year-old Melody, a spirited girl with Down syndrome. Written in first person, the story describes how Melody meets an enchanted bird named JuJu who helps her create a magical flying machine pulled by two green dragons. Melody blossoms with confidence and a sense of adventure as she soars over the playground to amaze her friends, frighten the teachers, and terrorize a group of bullies.

Melody’s creative ability in storytelling empowers her to entertain other children while sharing her tall tales. She also proves why she is the most marvelous hugger in all the Universe. The character is entertaining, energetic, and funny.

Few books feature a main character with the perspective of a child with Down syndrome. A comparative book would be Wonder, the New York Times Bestseller by R.J. Palacio, published in 2012.

The cover illustration by award-winning British illustrator Wayne Anderson, is courtesy of Bridgeman Art Gallery of New York. The captivating interior artwork is being created by Caroline Zina. The 100-page book will be released by Brown Books Publishing. The publisher intends to market and distribute the book to hundreds of bookstores, schools, and libraries.

Filed Under: blog, books Tagged With: #amwriting, #Down Syndrome, Brown Books Publishing, children's books, Idaho, imagination, writingcommunity

Naughty NextDoor: Candy Culprits and Deadly Ducks

December 12, 2019 By Elaine Ambrose

Watching for Naughty Neighbors

When I get bored watching the circus in Washington, DC, I glance at my NextDoor account to read about what’s going on in the neighborhood. The comments provide the best entertainment in town. Here are examples of recent online conversations (with my added comments) from actual adults who are allowed to own homes and walk among us:

Neighbor 1: Someone left a Secret Santa gift on my porch but a neighborhood kid stole a candy bar!
Neighbor 2: You don’t have to get snotty about it. Maybe the child was lonely and hungry.
Neighbor 3: Neither of you should eat a candy bar. I’ve seen you in shorts. Ghastly!
Neighbor 4: Give everyone a candy bar, just like the Communists. Is that why your door is painted red?
Neighbor 5: I think the Secret Santa gift was intended for me. Please bring it over after 3:00 pm.

Two women neighbours talking over a white picket fence in the 1940’s. (Photo by FPG/Getty Images)

Neighbors used to chat over the fence or take a casserole next door to discuss issues. Now they lob accusation, insults, and childish comments over the Internet instead of walking across the street. Here’s another enhanced example:

Neighbor 1: My crime camera caught a teenager prowling my porch. When I posted it here, a neighbor complained that I was publicly shaming a child.
Neighbor 2: It was cruel to post the video. His parents are drug addicts. Have some compassion.
Neighbor 1: Well, if this brat is held accountable, he won’t turn out like his loser parents.
Neighbor 3: Who are the drug addicts? Do they live on my street? Are they the ones with the purple hair and tattoos? I never liked them.
Neighbor 6: Does anyone know a good pest control company? I think there are fruit bats with rabies in my attic.
Neighbor 2: This is the “Crime & Safety” section. Post your question in the “Recommendations” category.
Neighbor 1: What? We have rabies-infected creatures in the neighborhood? What do we do?

Beware of rabid bats.

I was tempted to run away and live in the forest without any neighborhood chat groups after this haunting exchange:

Neighbor 9: Stop feeding the ducks! They need to migrate. We have too many male Mallards and they gang-rape a female and hold her head under water until she drowns.
Neighbor 10: You idiot. It’s not mating season. And if male ducks raped and killed the female ducks, there wouldn’t be anymore ducks. Get a life.
Neighbor 11: Well, I’m never taking my grandkids to the pond again to feed the ducks. They don’t need to see any duck rapes.
Neighbor 4: You liberal crybabies want to feed the ducks to keep them dependent on the government.

Around the world, people live in fear of famine, wars, natural disasters, and lethal diseases. Here, in my little corner of Meridian, Idaho, all I need to fear are candy thieves, fruit bats with rabies, gang-raping ducks, and communists. It’s not Bedford Falls as portrayed in the delightful Christmas movie with Jimmy Stewart, but still, “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #, #amwriting, #gossip, #humor, #neighbors, #NextDoor

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