Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

You are here: Home / Archives for #internet

#internet

How to Stop the News Noise

By

I’m a recovering news junkie. I used to start and end the day with a news program playing on television while I read a newspaper or news magazine.

Over the past few years, I graduated to social media. Every morning brought an onslaught of stories and comments on Facebook, Twitter and other accounts. I became addicted.

As civil discourse lost all civility, I got seduced with the power of making clever and sassy comments to share my opinions, which, obviously, were far better than any other viewpoint. A few times, strangers would respond with nasty remarks or belittle my intelligence.

Once, a friend of a friend wrote that I was ignorant. As I eagerly poised my fingers to blast a well-written rebuttal, I stopped. I asked myself, “What are you doing? You don’t know this person!”

I continued to read various online accounts and noticed the increasing dump of vitriol and mean remarks. Few of the comments contained educated, rational thoughts or suggestions for a compromise.

Some people in my circle of civilized middle-aged women became the older version of Mean Girls in Junior High.

How did this happen? A few years ago, I was trading a recipe with a casual acquaintance, and suddenly, she was labeling me a prude and questioning my legitimate heritage.

The insults were posted on the Internet for all the world to read. In the past, I could have called her and asked to meet over coffee and donuts. However, we lived thousands of miles apart, and I assumed she wouldn’t want to see me without a lawyer, bodyguard and insect repellant. It’s all so silly.

I’ve taken steps to stop the noise, and it’s working because I no longer want to smash glass with a hammer or yell at strangers on the Internet. Here are some suggestions that are making a positive impact for me.

Start the Day with Inspirational Music

Instead of a news program, I turn on my playlists of favorite songs. I have a quiet moment to meditate before starting the day and no longer feel the urge to call anyone a brainless barbarian.

Appreciate a Different Opinion

Many people over age 60 are set in their ways and have taken a lifetime to justify their beliefs. I respect that. I’m trying harder to understand and consider the views of different generations.

My reality is not theirs. I’ll try and not call them a naive whippersnapper, and I hope they know my aged opinions remain relevant.

Pick Your Battles

This old adage proves true among the abundance of claims and counterclaims. I really don’t care if someone has purple hair, wears enough multiple piercings to attract lightning, or carries a rodent in a purse. I care if that person spits in my face and calls me stupid.

Don’t Believe Everything You Read Online

I see too much ‘fake’ news and wrong assertions being forwarded by people who should know better. If someone writes that gremlins from another planet are coming to take my home or that eating pie will cause me to lose weight, I want proof and links to the facts. Skeptical wins over gullible.

Someone Needs You

By not wasting hours online, I have more time to volunteer or to use my talents and resources for better causes.

Share your energy to visit lonely older people, help struggling young parents or support community causes. Others will be grateful for your assistance and no one will write that you’re a useless pestilence on society.

End the Day with Music

It has been a major adjustment to change how I start and end the day. I stay informed about current events, but now I play music before going to bed. That way I’m not tempted to retort to a cruel remark made on Twitter when I have Josh Groban to sing me to sleep.

I can’t change the foul moods that permeate society, but I can write a humorous story or send a compliment online to a friend. By avoiding negative reactions, I want to contribute positive thoughts. At the end of the day, I don’t want to be known as the old lady who whined on Facebook.

How do you cope with all the negative energy in our country today? How can people over age 60 reach out to younger generations and encourage a constructive discussion? Are you making any changes to your usual routine in order to avoid bad moods?

The article above was published on the Sixty and Me website. http://sixtyandme.com/6-ways-to-stop-the-noise-of-constant-breaking-news/

The Good Morning Project

By

2015-06-01-1433126744-1379560-GoodMorningProject.jpg

 

(Published on The Huffington Post June 1, 2015)

My acquaintance was bullied on social media, and that experience prompted an idea that could encourage others to make a positive difference while challenging the vile cesspool of cruel trolls who infest the Internet. Let’s call it the “Good Morning Project.”

Last year at a writer’s conference, I was introduced to a vivacious, witty, and successful writer. Michele and I shared the stage during a stand-up comedy night, and saw each other briefly during the rest of the event. Later we became friends on Facebook and followed each other’s comments. I admired her personality and talents, and we became associates from across the country.

Recently she was verbally attacked through social media by a former acquaintance who called her vile names and wrote derogatory accusations about her. She was devastated, and she wrote about her bewilderment and pain. I felt her anguish and wanted to help but our homes were too far apart to meet and share a conversation. So I greeted her every morning on Facebook.

“Good Morning, Michele,” I wrote. “I think you’re wonderful.”

She replied with gratitude, and that started the daily exchange of messages.

I thought of her every morning as I sat to read my emails. I remembered some previous messages she had published through her Facebook posts, so I included them to personalize the next good morning message. After the third morning, she caught on to what I was doing. Again, she expressed her thanks.

The morning communications occurred for several days and became a habit. I would begin my day thinking about her and about what I could say to be positive. The entire action took less than five minutes but provided affirmative validation for both of us.

My mother’s generation of women visited and supported each other through regular conversations over coffee or over the backyard fence. A generation later, women my age moved into the work force and rarely had time for close friendships because we were too busy balancing work, families, and homes. The Internet was new to us, and we were justified in being cautious about online exchanges.

Now all ages use social media to communicate, and an online presence is an important part of our daily professional and personal lives. However, just as the Internet can become the supportive and friendly coffee klatch of yesterday, it also contains a dark side that brings out the worst of society. The anonymity gives nasty, insecure, and pathetic users the access and ability to publicly threaten, criticize, and hurt others without fear of consequence or reprisal. Online comment sections are becoming a sewer attraction for those I call Drive-by Bullies.

You can help alleviate some of the damage caused by trolls by participating in your own “Good Morning Project.” Select a random name from your list of social media contacts and send a quick, personalized message to her or him in the morning. Continue for a few days and note how the practice improves your attitude, too. Monitor feedback and stop the messages if you think the other person doesn’t need or appreciate them. Select another name and continue the brief exchange.

There are other sites that offer the same service, but the messages are generic and don’t offer a personalized greeting. Positive, significant words enhance the connection between two people, and through the proper use of technology, we can retain our humanity and strengthen important friendships. Good Morning, Michele.

Are You a Victim of CRAP on the Internet?

By

??????????????

I have CRAP Disease, a malady that stands for Compulsive Reader of Angry Posts. I know that certain messages on social media will cause sniveling trolls to wake from their burrow in the basement to slobber over their keyboards, grunt with excitement, and feverishly hurl illiterate, nasty, and incoherent comments. I start to read them anyway, even though I’ll regret seeing proof that colossal fools live among us and threaten to rot the fragile fabric of civilization.

CRAP disease can infest your soul and leave you a cynical, bitter wretch full of CRAP. Be careful, or you also could become a victim.

Here’s how to determine if you’re susceptible to becoming a Compulsive Reader of Angry Posts.

  1. You read comments that others leave on online news articles. Big mistake. Trolls think they know more than elected officials, trained media personnel, and educated professionals. Facts aren’t necessary. They will write just to infect you because they love being full of CRAP and want to share.
  2. You are uncontrollably attracted to comments that include multiple exclamation points!!! Yes, the writer really, really, really wants to shout at strangers. Fight the urge to debate or you’ll end up with CRAP.
  3. You are fascinated with public display of ignorance. We’ve all chuckled at the vitriolic comment that says, “Your an idiot!” Proper grammar and maturity aren’t priorities to people full of CRAP.
  4. You feel a need to help stupid people. Sometimes you’ll gently correct a grammatical or factual error written by someone with limited understanding of basic communication skills. That is another mistake. They will turn on you like a pack of rabid dogs and not let go until you are forced to destroy all your social media accounts, set fire to all your computers and Internet devices, move to a foreign country, and hang a CRAP quarantine sign on your door. If you have a door.
  5. You are a blogger. Beware of the inherent dangers if you post a saucy, 600-word essay on a popular website. The trolls will foam at the mouth and you can almost feel the spray of spit as they pound out snarky remarks besmirching your character, your talent, and your ancestors. Reacting to these comments only will propel you onto the slippery slope toward the cesspool of CRAP.

If you need a CRAP fix, you can dabble in the occasional comment, but be ready to take some vomit-inducing drugs to purge your mind and body of the offensive swill. For example, recently a local television news station posted a Facebook message about a tragic accident where a bicyclist had been hit and killed in traffic. Here is an excerpt from one of the prolific commenters:

“This is the worst state in the united stares…i have been driving sense i was 17…man you people are dumb as a bag rocks were did you get your licenses again bahahahahahaha”

I shouldn’t be so critical, but it’s remarkable to have that many errors in such a short comment. And, as usual, the troll snorted that the rest of us were as “dumb as a bag rocks.” Obviously, my CRAP sensor intensified after reading this and I needed medication to recover. I shut down the computer, poured a glass of wine, and enjoyed a quiet evening free from trolls. Bahahahahahaha.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Love Note to my Internet Trolls

By

 

internet troll crop (2)

As a syndicated blogger, I’m accustomed to receiving unsolicited remarks about my posts on various social media websites. Regular readers know I write humor targeted to middle-aged women, and they anticipate a certain level of sassy irreverence. It’s a role I enjoy, mainly because I can write from home while wearing pajamas and sipping wine.

The last few days, however, brought new extremes of praise and punishment for my writing skills. The copious compliments were tempered with caustic criticism, almost enough to crush my delicate soul.

Four of my essays were published last week on the Huffington Post. My only serious piece was about my ailing mother and titled “If My Mother Died Today.” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elaine-ambrose/caring-for-elderly-parents_b_5979904.html

The post received almost 1,000 favorable likes on Facebook and many middle-aged caregivers wrote to thank me for giving a voice to their feelings.

In the essay, I wrote about playing Tennessee Ernie Ford’s spiritual music for my mother when she was in critical condition in the hospital. I ended the piece with Ford’s familiar saying, “Bless your pea pickin’ heart.” The next day I received a touching email from Ford’s daughter-in-law. She loved the blog and offered to send me some of Ford’s spiritual music. I requested “His Eye is on the Sparrow,” one of my favorites. She responded that she was sending a 40-song collection. I am honored and humbled.

The next day, Huffington Post featured my humorous post titled “Why Small Print Makes us See Red.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elaine-ambrose/small-print_b_5989416.html

The message was an exasperated, satirical plea for manufacturers to increase the size of print on products so middle-aged women wouldn’t need to wear eyeglasses in the shower to decipher the shampoo from the conditioner. The responses came immediately. One person offered to send me a free pair of “Thinoptics” – a pair of reader glasses in a cell phone case. I accepted. Another offered me a deal on Lasik eye surgery. I declined.

The essay received more than 2,600 likes on Facebook, 344 shares and 160 comments. I’ve only been blogging on HuffPo for a month, so the response was exciting. But I was unprepared for the vitriolic assaults. Here are some of the published comments:

“This was supposed to be humorous? Well, keep on trying.”

“”Another female problem to kvetch about.”

“We already cater too much to Boomers.”

“This was humor?”

Additional comments deteriorated into attacks about misplaced priorities, gay rights, and trolls living in basements. I answered a few but then stopped because I didn’t want to get down to their level. I peeked back the next day and found more than 100 positive comments, so I felt better. Still, I wondered what possessed a man (yes, most of the mean comments were from men) to make nasty comments on a humor column targeted to middle-aged women. With all due respect, bless your pea pickin’ hearts but take your sorry asses and go troll somewhere else.