Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Algorithms aren’t Amusing

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I’m a goofy grandmother from Idaho who enjoys making humorous memes. The only profit I receive or want is from laughs and likes from readers. I recently posted a meme on Facebook and Instagram, and the super-sensitive censors on Instagram instantly slapped a warming on it. A few people said my meme was removed from their timeline. Here is the horrible, offensive meme:

In my opinion, a good story, joke, or meme requires three elements: fact, irony, and a funny punch line. My meme was based on fact: I was in the Liquor Store (on research) and noticed a sign limiting tonic water to four bottles. I asked the clerk why, and he said because a rumor on social media said the ingredient in tonic water prevented or cured the C-virus. (I’m not spelling the name because there are rooms full of investigating spies who follow instructions to doom anyone who posts a joke about said disease.)

I went home with my gin and precious tonic and researched. Yes, I found the claim is untrue, so I wrote in my meme that it was a myth. I ended with a humorous line. That’s it. No one was injured, insulted, or misled by my meme. But, it still has a disclaimer attached.

One of my favorite comedians, George Carlin, would not have existed in this punitive climate of humor judges on social media. Without irony and satire, we’re slowly becoming compliant and complacent robots marching to the beat of a crabby drummer.

I will continue to make my memes until my accounts are deleted by some nefarious computer algorithm hiding in the dark bowels of social media. In the words of Aunt Olga, one of my favorite meme characters, “I no give a sheet.”

Here are some of my favorite memes:

How to Write Humor – The Outline

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(Here’s my outline for “How to Write Humor.” I give this presentation for workshops andpresentations at various conferences.)

 

 

  1. Risk to Writing Humor
    1. What if they don’t laugh? What if they do?
    2. Do you laugh or cringe at your own sentence?
    3. Improve humor writing skills by reading, writing, and analyzing what makes you laugh.
  2. Elements of Humor – Choose a topic that combines at least two:
    1. Witty, clever, new twist
    2. Surprise, spontaneous, unexpected
    3. Bizarre, odd, absurd, not routine
    4. Ironic, shocking, mock frustration
    5. Naughty, obsessive, titillating
    6. Satirical, spoof, roast
    7. Self-depreciating, but don’t overdo it or audience will believe you’re a loser

  1. Writing Humor is Serious Work
    1. If you’re not funny, don’t write humor. Please.
    2. Don’t throw every gimmick and hope it works.
    3. Be original and creative. Find your niche.
    4. Edit, again and again. No one likes a long joke.
    5. Remember what makes you laugh as you write.
    6. Profanity is similar to hot spice: use it sparingly.
    7. Tie the end of the story or anecdote back to the beginning.
    8. Read your work out loud.
    9. Know your audience. Midlife humor won’t work for male teenage science students.
    10. Read other comedy writers: David Sedaris, Jill Conner Browne, George Carlin.
  2. Erma Bombeck – Still Funny, Twenty Years after Her Death
    1. I don’t ski because of all the ambulances.
    2. I would jog to hear heavy breathing again.
    3. He who laughs…lasts.

Examples of Humor in My Books

  1. Menopause Sucks – Quotes
    1. It’s a crying shame you could live to be 100 but only 20 of those years come with youthful vigor, shiny hair, smooth skin, multiple orgasms, and a flat stomach.
    2. Estrogen is the chemical commander-in-chief. Imagine a teeny tyrant running through your brain yelling, “Grow pubic hair now!” “Make that boob bigger.”
    3. After perimenopause – “Attention all sectors. Estrogen is leaving the body. Farewell party at noon in the pituitary gland.”
  2. Midlife Cabernet – Quotes
    1. I never intended to be divorced in my forties, but it happened. If love is blind, I need a white cane instead of a wedding dress.
    2. Unless your mother-in-law is a convicted felon or a pole dancer at the Kit Kat Klub, you should spend quality time with her.
    3. There are more than 250 million adults in the US, and each one started as a baby. They grew up and moved out, so there’s a high probability yours will, too.
    4. I used to feed my little ones with a spoon shaped like an airplane. Now they open their mouths every time they hear a plane.
  3. Establish Your Humor Identity
    1. Name, title, blog, logo, key audience
    2. Join and participate in online humor writing groups.
    3. Find speaking opportunities
    4. Exploit success – viral and award-winning blogs
    5. Be active on social media sites
    6. Create humorous memes to promote your brand
    7. Middle-aged women – my target audience – will appreciate this meme:

  1. Explore Opportunities to Expand Your Reach
    1. Collaborate with another author on a book.
    2. Apply to speak at conferences.
    3. Weekly test public reaction to your posts
  2. Keep Learning new Technologies
    1. Use various apps to copyright and date. Use Enlight app to distort photos.
    2. Know how to create and insert photos and videos.
    3. Save and recycle samples of your best writing.
    4. Keep a notebook for jokes, spontaneous ideas, people-watching, personal incidents, and funny quotes.
  3. Make Laugher, Make Money, and Make the World a Happier Place
    1. Sell on the popularity of your sparkling, creative wit.
    2. Give paid speeches and sell products at full retail after the speeches.
    3. Makes notes and evaluate after every presentation to improve experience
    4. Remember to keep laughing because the world needs humor.
    5. If all else fails, use a prop: Finger Puppets

 

Elaine Ambrose uses and distributes finger puppets in some of her keynote speeches.

Elaine Ambrose, Bestselling Author, Syndicated Blogger, Humorist

Website: [email protected], Email: [email protected]

 

©ElaineAmbrose2018

The Domestic Humorist Challenge

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Theater Masks

Last November, social media exploded into a regurgitated cesspool of vicious vitriol oozing like a toxic stew of vomit. It was worse than my first date in college. I attempted to balance the negativity by posting at least one humorous or positive meme every day, supplementing with witty blog posts. After seven months and more than 200 daily memes, I’m done. Readers are on their own.

I hope the memes have caused a few smiles on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. My Instagram account was hacked and deleted, but I still have the other accounts. Before I totter off to the sweet solitude of writing, I’d like to offer The Domestic Humorist Challenge, as opposed to the popular but irritating and dangerous Domestic Terrorist Wanabe collection of reckless writers on social media.

In my opinion, some of the despicable comments border on domestic terrorism and anarchy. This post came through my Facebook page last week:

From a woman named LauralLynn writing about President Trump: “I have stayed away from the news, in hopes they will just throw his ass to the wolves…literally, throw his ass into a cage of wild wolves and let them feast.” She added a smiling face for accent.

In my opinion, such a comment only fuels the flames of contempt and chaos. The remark did nothing to promote a positive attitude of comradery and community that is needed to strengthen the foundation of a civilized society. With every snarling comment, we’re getting closer to living in the final sequel of the Mad Max movies.

 

mad max mel gibson.jpg
Max with the Feral Child

(Interesting trivia: To prove that riveting dialogue wasn’t a key component in Mad Max 2 – The Road Warrior, Max, played by actor Mel Gibson, only has 16 lines of dialogue, and his first line wasn’t spoken until 11 minutes into the film.)

The Domestic Humorist Challenge. To neutralize the eruption of domestic terrorists on social media, I’m offering the Domestic Humorist Challenge. It’s more fun, and no one gets shot. The challenge comes without multi-level marketing pitches, selfie portraits, or obligations to forward a message or suffer from infected boils on your butt.

Here are the suggested rules:

  1. Review the messages you’ve written and liked during the past few months, and note the balance between complaints and praise.
  2. For the next week, don’t post, like, or forward any negative comments on your public social media accounts. This may require opening a private snark account with you as the only recipient.
  3. Write and post positive or humorous remarks that add value to readers and contribute to constructive action. Sneak in some gratitude. Just try it, ye of little faith.
  4. Block or unfriend those who continue to vomit vicious words and memes on Facebook and Twitter. Did a nasty meme or screaming stranger ever change your opinion about anything?
  5. At the end of the week, evaluate your mood. The goal of this challenge is for you to feel better about what you’ve written and for more people to contribute something positive or funny. If you relapse and have a shaking desire to post several hostile messages about anything (including politicians, kale salads, or feral children), go back to Step 1.

Some serious facts: The US Patriot Act defines domestic terrorism as the result of a US citizen attempting to do something that is dangerous to human life in our country. The government has identified at least 15  domestic terrorist organizations and that doesn’t include individuals. A website regularly records incidents of domestic terrorist attacks, going back to the assassination of President Lincoln in 1865 and updated this week with the attempted murders of Republican lawmakers in Alexandria, Virginia.

With that much hostility, it’s no wonder we’re all crabby and slightly paranoid. We’re living in a Greek Tragedy that only Shakespeare could appreciate. It’s time to fight back (in a non-threatening way) and become a Domestic Humorist. Who wants to play?

Finally, here are a few of my favorite memes from the past 200 days:

adam emily christmas overall meme

 

parsley sage meme

grow up meme

 

olga meme

ran into ex meme

 

bertha bra meme

 

 

food face meme

 

bertha flip bird meme

studley meme

frame meme