Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Stuff Your Stockings with Holiday Humor

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Amuse your friends – and your favorite crabby people – with two new books guaranteed to bring giggles to holiday and Christmas activities. Stuff This in Your Stocking! and Stuff Another Stocking!  feature 158 original cartoons with witty captions for “vintage women.” The books contain no calories, no politics, no profanity, and the images will prompt grins all year. And, you can share cheap laughs because each book is less than $10.

Artificial Intelligence Meets Human Creativity

Proving age doesn’t destroy learning and creativity, I researched how to use Artificial Intelligence – AI – to create memes (the new word for cartoons.) I asked Grok, a free AI assistant through my X.com account, to generate images I wanted, and I added witty or sentimental captions for my target audience – older women. For example, I requested “Create an image of an older woman in red bikini popping out of a Christmas package.” The caption includes the name Ethel Merman – only older women would remember her hilarious, passionate singing of “Everything’s Coming up Roses.” Here is the resulting meme:

According to xAI’s consumer information, authors have the right to publish the images created from Grok, including for commercial use. This means my generated images can be used in books to sell. I created 158 memes in two weeks.

More images:

My publishing company, Eagle River Publishing, used Reedsy to professionally typeset the books. Reedsy is a free online service but the formatting can be complicated. Reedsy also offers professional assistance in design, editing, proofreading, and writing workshops. I’ve used Reedsy to format four of my books.

I uploaded the manuscripts to my KDP author account on Amazon. I chose to publish in eBook and paperback formats, selected the distribution and price, and designed the cover with Canva and uploaded the images to Amazon’s Cover Creator. After everything was uploaded, I requested proof copies. The proofs came in a week. I approved and clicked the “Publish” button. The entire process took six weeks. Costs were minimal because I already had a publishing company with ISBN numbers and accounts on Canva and Amazon.

I’m learning how to use AI to market the books. I joined Zeely to create video ads for social media platforms, including Facebook and Instagram. I used Canva again to create QR codes to direct potential customers to the Amazon sales pages. I have books to sell for those who prefer not to use an online source.

After twenty years as a small publisher, I’m still learning about new techniques and opportunities to create books. What once took months now can be done in a few hours. The negative reality of AI comes with the actual writing of a manuscript. I don’t use AI to write my books or blog posts. This old brain still works.

Here’s one of the problems if too much attention is focused on AI without proofreading. In this ad generated through Zeely, bestselling is misspelled:

Fine the error in this AI-generated ad…

In Zeely’s defense, the platform created several excellent still and video ads. In my opinion, humans still are needed to proofread and manipulate the data. I remain in awe of the early writers who created great literary works using only a pen and paper or a manual typewriter.

 

 

Author Featured in KNOW BOISE Publication

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KNOW BOISE is an annual publication known as the Who’s Who of Boise and features women leaders and business owners in virtually every industry. Women are nominated by members and vetted through peer-review. The premiere issue was introduced in August, and Elaine Ambrose was included in the showcase of entrepreneurs as a bestselling author, workshop facilitator, and creator of Mill Park Publishing. The local chapter is affiliated with the global organization, KNOW WOMEN, and offers workshops, master classes, conferences, and networking opportunities.

The following page was included in the Boise, Idaho publication:

KNOW WOMEN is a global media company and community dedicated to amplifying the voices of female leaders, executives, and entrepreneurs. According to Sarah Benken, founder and CEO, “When successful women are lifted up for their hard work and achievements, they inspire the next generation of female leaders.”

 

The Broad of Broadway

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Thirty years ago, I traveled to New York on business and managed to secure a single ticket to the hottest show on Broadway: Les Misérables. I was 36 and wore an elegant suit, four-inch heels, and carried a designer bag. People smiled at me. Last week, I traveled to New York for a writing conference and found a single ticket to the hottest show on Broadway: Hamilton. I wore prescription eyeglasses, hearing aids, a knee brace, sturdy shoes, and carried a utility bag with cough drops, tissue, eye drops, arthritis cream, and acid reflux meds. People ignored me. I’ve added new meaning to the term “old broad” on Broadway.

 

The musicals continue to lure me across the country from my home in Idaho. I’ve experienced more than a dozen Broadway shows, from Cats to Miss Saigon to The Phantom of the Opera. My favorites are Les Misérables (eight times) and The Lion King (three times.) My perfect musical would combine the two as a passionate story of freedom fighters dancing with lions. I would play the lead, Hannah of the Savannah.

I grew up in the village of Wendell, Idaho when the population was 1,000. Our tiny school didn’t have musical productions, but we had a choir, and I sang with gusto. I’ve seen the massive performance halls in city high schools, and I wonder, “what if?”

At my age, I’m tickled pink to be able to travel. The past few years have brought some unwanted consequences of living this long. I’ve worn glasses since I was ten years old, but now the lenses include adjustments for distance and for reading. I also tote a pair of computer eyeglasses and a pair of prescription sunglasses. My eyes water all the time, so I bring special drops that work for a few minutes. People think I’m crying, but I’m just sad because my eyes are watering.

Hearing aids are the most recent addition to my growing list of necessities. I had been reading lips for several years because I couldn’t hear conversations. I had the television volume turned so loud, the neighbors could hear the news from across the street. I finally relented to the hearing test because I often watch my darling grandkids, and I didn’t want to miss one sweet song or one frustrated tantrum. My hearing aids are so fancy, they can connect to my electronic devices through Bluetooth. I don’t know what that means.

My new malady worries me the most. I’ve developed osteoarthritis in my hands and there are ugly nodules on the first joints of my fingers. I’m having a procedure soon to cut off the biggest growths. As a writer, I need my fingers to type. I’ve been advised to try a dictation device and to change habits after half a century of typing. I also enjoy playing piano, and the hand doctor told me I would need to relearn how to play with flat fingers. And, so I will.

After 30 years of Broadway Musicals, I’m moving a bit slower but I still give my regards. Last year, I saw the musical Beautiful featuring the music of Carole King. It reminded me of a time so far away when I felt like a natural woman. Now I’m tired and often wonder if my family will still love me tomorrow. As long as I can feel the earth move under my feet, I’ll venture back to Broadway. The Great White Way, nicknamed in the late 1890s when the street was one of the first to be illuminated by electric lights, is some kind of wonderful.

 

 

 

 

Stepping and Schlepping Off the Plane

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Super Hero Ripping Clothes
Typical garment and attitude of airline travelers.

After observing humanity during a 14-hour journey from Sag Harbor, New York to Boise, Idaho, I’m convinced the standard travel attire for passengers includes ripped clothes, disheveled hair, and a grumpy attitude. They resemble comic book rogues who tear their clothes in fits of pending rage. I felt positively radiant in my coordinated knit ensemble, complete with a patient smile. As I cued in line for the privilege to sit in a child-sized space for four hours, I reminisced about a forgotten time when traveling was a luxurious pleasure.

Years ago, when I was fancy and corporate, I often visited an exclusive dress shop in downtown Boise. The proprietor, a thin and elegant woman named Dorothy, was hanging onto age 50 with clenched but manicured fingernails. She exuded all things classy and could have posed for a 1950s cigarette ad. Her arched eyebrow raised even higher whenever I entered. She liked me but mourned my conservative fashion sense and untoned body. I was on the D-List of Preferred Clients.

Once I needed a business outfit for a conference out of state. She welcomed me with bangled arms and air kisses and proceeded to collect various outfits to hang in a dressing room.

“This one is perfect,” she gushed as she held up a white sweater with white pants. “You’ll look fabulous as you step off the plane.”

“I’ll look like an albino ox,” I replied. “And what’s the fuss about stepping off the plane? Most of the passengers are wearing flannel pajama pants and stained sweatshirts as they stumble to baggage claim. I could be roller skating in a potato sack on fire with live rats dancing on my head and no one would notice.”

Dorothy sighed. “Where has all the glamour gone?” She replaced the white ensemble and added a serious navy-blue dress with a red collar.

“At least add a splash of color,” she begged.

woman in airport.jpg

I liked the dress and purchased it for the trip. After the plane landed, I entered the terminal and paused for a brief moment to pose as Dorothy would prefer. A young mother pushing a stroller the size of a recliner crashed into my legs, snagging my pantyhose. She mumbled an apology while throwing fish crackers to her crying toddler and ambled down the corridor in a mass of harried, hurried people.

I limped down to the taxis and reflected on the time when travelers wore their best clothes. Typical attire included men in suits with ties and women in dresses and hats, some with gloves. Children and pets were rare and properly packaged. Passengers who stepped off the plane indicated they had, indeed, arrived.

I don’t work for a corporation anymore, so when traveling I opt for a more casual, practical outfit such as black leggings and a black and white tunic. At my age it really doesn’t matter because women over 50 are invisible to the huddled masses yearning to simultaneously read their cell phones and walk while ignoring the repetitive message from Big Sister, “Do Not Leave Your Luggage Unattended!”

Yesterday I️ had two hours before my connecting flight so stopped at the wine bar in the airport and ordered a Cabernet. A sophisticated older woman also sat at the bar. She wore a red cashmere suit with white pearls and her hair was full enough to hide small treasures. Her exquisite fingers curved around the wine glass as she smiled and offered a silent toast. I️ returned her gesture, thankful to no longer be invisible. After finishing her drink, she gathered her designer bags and sashayed from view as I heard distant music from Nat King Cole singing, “Unforgettable.” I imagined her name was Dorothy.

 

 

Do You Need Daily Erotica?

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daily erotica authors

Eight years ago, I organized a writing group in Eagle, Idaho called “Writers Who Wine.” We met to read our work, critique prose and poetry from others, and to focus on writing prompts. And, we enjoyed wine.

After a few festive meetings, four of us decided to create a book of poetry called Daily Erotica – 366 Poems of Passion. We chose the  provocative title because we  knew Daily  Poems was too boring. We brought our poems to my cabin for a weekend in the fall of 2008 and rated the submissions from 1 (Oh, yes!), to 2 (Warm, but not sizzling), to 3 (Get out of here. You can’t write.)

daily erotica authors oct 2009We published the book through Mill Park Publishing and released it on February 14, 2010. The book is dedicated to all the women who are searching for their lost libidos.daily erotica coverThe 366 poems begin on February 14 and span every day for a year. The content varies between romantic, silly, and a bit naughty. The authors are convinced their writing is better than the insipid lines in the bestselling book Fifty Shades of Grey. Here are two examples:

September 17

All that I am

unafraid

unashamed

uninhibited

undressed,

I am yours.

 

September 2

The first time she saw his smile

she knew he was worth the wait.

Finally, after all these years,

she let down her guard,

opened the door to her heart,

and invited him inside.

He took off his boots

and decided to stay.

 

Response to the book was fun and we enjoyed presenting selected poems at various events and for community organizations. The four of us ranged in age from 37 to 57, all of us had children, and three of us were divorced. One in the group, Gretchen Anderson, had been happily married for more than 17 years. The other three, Liza Long, Rachel Hatch, and I found true and lasting love after the book was published.

Copies of the book are available on Amazon.com for $12,95 or from the authors or Mill Park Publishing in Eagle for only $5.00.  If you’re interested in a unique Valentine’s Day gift that will last all year, email me at elaine@millparkpublishing.com. I’ll deliver Monday and Tuesday to downtown Boise, Eagle, and Meridian.

Everyone sing along now, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.” (I don’t like ending a sentence with a preposition, but that worked for Jackie DeShannon and Dionne Warwick when they sang the famous song.)

This Valentine’s Day, be a lover, not a fighter. Read and share Daily Erotica.

daily erotica authors sitting