Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Accidental Ventriloquist

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For most of my 50-year career, I’ve been a public speaker. I started as a television news reporter and talk show hostess and later worked in corporate communications and public relations before starting a small publishing company and creating professional workshops in southern Idaho. I enjoyed traveling to conferences across the country to present writing workshops and motivational, humorous speeches.

Two calamities silenced my voice: Covid and a heart attack.

In the spring of 2020, I was scheduled to return to Ireland to give writing workshops during a two-week excursion followed by speaking at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Ohio. Both events were canceled due to Covid. Travel and speaking engagements stopped, so I took an online course about how to create and publish writing webinars on Zoom. Travel restrictions were relaxed, and in June of 2021, I traveled to Todos Santos, Mexico to present a workshop at a writer’s retreat. Unfortunately, I suffered a heart attack the night before I was scheduled to return to Idaho. My guardian angels worked overtime to secure airport wheelchairs, clearance at Customs, and transportation home.

Creating webinars – when I had enough breath

Cardiologists in Boise diagnosed cardiomyopathy heart disease with a reduced ejection fraction of 30 percent – meaning my heart was broken. I had two surgeries, and the second one in 2022 installed a defibrillator beneath my collarbone. I continued to have shortness of breath, so I canceled the webinars and future speaking engagements. I didn’t have the energy to walk around the block or to speak for more than a few minutes.

I was wallowing, silently, in self-pity until my friend Sheli Yerkes Gartman, CEO of Women Ignite International, contacted me in the summer of 2022 and asked me to join a group of funny women in a comedy show for the WICON conference in Boise in October. I decided I wasn’t finished with life, so I eagerly agreed to practice with the group.

Comedy Show at the Egyptian Theatre

I had used finger puppets in many of my past presentations, and I decided to expand my part of the humorous program and incorporate larger puppets. For the show, I dressed as an Egyptian Queen (a former life, no doubt) and held a southern-speaking puppet on one hand and a monster-speaking puppet on the other. My first ventriloquism act was a bit ambitious because I needed three voices, including my own. I was the first act on stage and entertained for five minutes. I felt triumphant. The program lasted over an hour and included group skits and other monologues. By the end of the show, I knew I had a new hobby.

I watched YouTube training videos by famous ventriloquist Jeff Dunham and joined a Facebook group of lady ventriloquists. They recommended companies selling full-body puppets for ventriloquists. I now have a family of seven. I’ll be entertaining at a music festival near McCall, Idaho in June. My goal is to perform several five-minute gigs. I hope to increase my stamina so I can speak longer without gasping for air.

Lady Delilah offers advice

Meet the Puppets

I enjoyed naming my seven puppets. I had some help from Facebook friends about the name Huckleberry Hannah. The other choice was BlueBerry Belle, but the letter “B” is difficult to pronounce without moving lips. I practiced daily how to speak various voices, but sometimes I mixed up the accents, but no one complained.

Lady Delilah arrived from The Dummy Shoppe. She is British and offers sassy opinions and bold advice.

Jessie Jo from Idaho loves to sing country western songs

Jessie Jo from Idaho is a custom order from The Dummy Shoppe | Puppets by JET. She sings country western songs and promises hilarious stories at music festivals and other events.

Aunt Olga from the Old Country makes me laugh

Aunt Olga is from Axtell Expressions. She arrived from the Old Country and enjoys telling stories of life using her thick Russian accent.

Huckleberry Hannah and Midlife Molly from Pubbets

Midlife Molly is a custom order from Pubbets. She’s soft-spoken but offers pithy advice for middle-aged women in need of hot-flash humor.

Huckleberry Hannah is another creation from Pubbets. She has several outfits and speaks with a charming southern voice.

Officer Ricardo is a dedicated law enforcement officer with a Mexican accent. I found him online at an Etsy shop. He offers tips about how to follow the law.

Officer Ricardo knows the law

Wendell is an ordinary boy who is content to be average. I found him online at Folkmanis. He is soft-spoken with a low voice, and he is a storyteller.

To publish my short ventriloquism acts, I record my puppets on my iPad and upload the videos to social media and to my YouTube channel. I often laugh out loud as my puppets say comments I never intended for them to say. Ventriloquism has opened a new opportunity to share my love of storytelling. This 71-year-old grandmother with heart disease isn’t finished, yet.

Wendell, an ordinary boy

 

 

 

 

New Children’s Book Reviewed as “Joyful, Well-Told Story”

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Melody’s Magical Flying Machine is receiving glowing reviews from across the country. The book will be released in the fall by Brown Books Publishing Group, and preliminary evaluations are above projections.

“Melody’s Magical Flying Machine by Elaine Ambrose features a 10-year-old girl with Down syndrome and is a joyful, well-told story that celebrates the power of imagination. Melody is an engaging narrator whose cheerful affection, knack for happiness, and zestful imagination express themselves in every line. Zina’s pencil illustrations are beautifully textured and shaded, with a magical quality that deftly matches the text.” – KIRKUS REVIEWS

In the story, Melody loves to daydream beneath a tall catalpa tree in the backyard. She meets an enchanted bird and they use a 3D printer to create a magical flying machine so she can soar over the playground to amaze her friends and confront a group of bullies. Melody’s energetic talent in storytelling empowers her to educate others about Down syndrome while sharing her tall tales and strong hugs.


Kirkus Reviews has been an industry-trusted source for honest and accessible book reviews since 1933. Headquartered in Austin, Texas, the company reviews the nation’s top publishers, small publishers, and independent authors. Qualified professionals review more than 10,000 books annually, and their evaluations include negative and positive reviews.

Other reviews for the book:

“Melody is a delightful girl, small in stature, but with an outsized imagination—who also happens to live with Down syndrome. After a sad day, she becomes a brave warrior and takes on the class bully with help from a new friend and some flying dragons. As a mental health advocate and mother of four, including one child with autism spectrum disorder, I am so grateful for this story of strength, resilience, and joy. We need more voices like Melody’s!”
– Liza Long, Author, The Price of Silence: a Mom’s Perspective on Mental Illness

“One of the primary missions of Family Advocates is to promote the health and well-being of every child and encourage children to reach their true potential by being safe, strong and brave – just like Melody. This book highlights the positive fact that a child with special needs can dream, share, achieve goals, handle bullies, and contribute to the community.”
– Kathryn Seebold, Executive Director, Family Advocates

Other positive reviews came from four children, ages 8 through 12, who read the book and offered expert commentary.

My New Car is Haunted

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Remember the olden days when you jumped into your car, turned a key, and drove away? Those were good times. Now I drive a haunted car controlled by mischievous gremlins, strange voices, and nefarious computerized systems designed to destroy my delicate balance of sanity.

The car caper began when I cheated on my long-time dealer. During the past twenty years, I’ve purchased a dozen vehicles from the same dealership in Boise. I drove a Lexus SUV because it was dependable and I needed extra room to haul books, my mother’s wheelchair, car seats for the grandbabes, and numerous loads of household goods while moving eight times and also moving my mother eight times. I usually traded to a newer model every few years; however, the design of recent Lexus SUV models began to resemble an 18-wheel truck, were too wide to park, and had bad gas mileage.

I felt guilty looking around at other vehicles, but then I saw a splendid, emerald-green Audi Q5. The SUV was small, so it would be easier to park and could get better gas mileage. It looked sporty and featured a fancy interior with a huge skylight. I researched details and the vehicles rated high for safety, performance, and value. I had sold some property, so with my trade-in I could pay cash. Because I paid the balance with a check, the process took less than 30 minutes. Financing a car at the dealership can take hours, involve a stack of documents, and take years off your life. Being a woman without a male escort adds an entire new level of scrutiny.

I drove away, enjoying the toxic chemical smell of a new car. The problems started when I stopped at the grocery store. I couldn’t figure out how to lock the car.

Here are a few of the frustrating issues I’ve encountered with the new car:
I couldn’t lock the door so I had to search the 388-page owner’s manual for instructions. I learned how to touch the outside of the door handle but not put my fingers inside the handle. This design feature should be changed.

The automatic car wash is a nightmare. I tried to put the gear into Neutral but the “S-tronic dual-clutch transmission” went into Park instead of Neutral and the car wash track tossed the tires out of alignment. This happened several times, and the patient attendant finally learned to shut down the line whenever he saw me coming.

I purchased a car wash membership but the sticker on the windshield wouldn’t work because a speed limit display projected on the windshield interfered with the electronic eye at the car wash. I needed to watch an online tutorial to learn how to turn off the display. The electronic eye still doesn’t work.

During the car wash, the seat belt suddenly tightens when gremlins in the engine sense the washing equipment getting closer. The first time this happened, I thought someone in the back seat was trying to grab me. I may have screamed, fearing my dead body would be discovered when the car was propelled out of the dryer.

Mysterious voices and warning bells occur at random times. The “Audi pre-sense front” is a safety feature that soon became an annoying nag. The car’s lecturing voice tells me if my cell phone is still plugged in when I make a quick exit to get the mail. Bells ring if the car thinks I’m too close to a car in front of me. If I slow down, another car will cut in front of me, and bells go off again. Warning lights flash if I go over the speed limit when I pass a car on the freeway. Bright red danger signs appear for no reason and go away before I can react. They are mocking me.

The navigation system requires a college course to understand. I’ve watched several online tutorials, but I still use my cell phone for directions to a new address.

The owner’s manual was edited by 100 bored lawyers and contains multiple warnings. The serious text states to “NEVER drive when impaired by medications, alcohol, drugs, etc.” Who knew? The manual also says “Do NOT drive when you are tired, under pressure or when you are stressed.” The only thing that stresses me is this car.

Finally, I miss a V6 engine. Yes, the lighter 4-cyclinder Q5 gets better gas mileage, but the vehicle wobbles in a strong wind on the freeway. I have a bit of buyer’s remorse, and I’m not impressed by the Audi dealership but I can’t return to my old dealer. I suspect they’ve moved on, too, and I’m no longer welcomed in my favorite service department. I’ll continue trying to learn the complicated mechanics of the new car, but I have fond memories of my first car: a 1973 Pontiac Firebird. I simply turned the key, popped in an 8-track cartridge, and traveled – stress-free – down the road.

My first car – 1973 Pontiac Firebird

Storyteller

Elaine Ambrose, Storyteller

Bestselling author and motivational speaker Elaine Ambrose shares her effective storytelling strategies to business and civic audiences across the country. In addition to public speaking engagements, her online webinars and workshops teach interactive writing and storytelling techniques. Written and oral storytelling can engage and activate audiences, create a path to solve problems, provide a colorful journey with important lessons, enhance sales and marketing, add humor and emotion, and leave positive results with a proven call to action. Elaine Ambrose also offers books, eBooks, and audiobooks for sale in three genres: humor, memoir, and children’s books.

Storytelling Workshop Webinar

 

In New York City as a BlogHer “Voices of the Year” Winner
Story Story Night, Boise, December 2021

 

Commencement Speaker, College of Southern Idaho
Commencement Speaker, University of Idaho
Luncheon Speaker – Blue
Lakes Country Club – Singing with Finger Puppets
TV Interview in Phoenix, AZ
Huffington Post Live from New York – Viral Blogger Interview
Spinning yarns at Boise’s Story Story Night.
High School Graduation Speaker

 

Writing Workshop Leader, Wayfinding Women, Ireland
“Live Sucks, Laugh Hard” live comedy show with Amanda Turner
Elaine Ambrose speaks at the U of I Storytelling Workshop
Keynote Speaker, Insurance Convention, Lake of the Ozarks
Keynote Speaker, Blog Conference, Santa Fe
Speaker and Workshop Leader, Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop

 

Touring the Temple with Stickers and Sunbeam

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 Of the many voices rattling inside my head, my favorites are Stickers and Sunbeam. Stickers is a sarcastic, impudent rascal while Sunbeam radiates positive charm and harmony. They accompanied me during a recent public tour of the new temple in Meridian, Idaho, for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (The abbreviated title, LDS or Mormon, works better on Twitter.)

I grew up in southern Idaho and lived as a lonely Presbyterian among the Mormons. My best friends included Mormons, and we tolerated our differences in doctrine because we liked to play together. I didn’t feel any prejudice until I tried out for the drill team in high school and didn’t make the cut because the advisor and all the team members were Mormons. It also could have been because I was an uncoordinated goofball.

The Meridian Temple offered an Open House for the gentiles to see the inside before the building would be steam-cleaned, purified, and closed so only qualified members could enter. I registered online and appear at my designated time. No purses or cameras were allowed, so I packed my car keys into my pocket and hid my bag in the car. We were ushered into a classroom in the meetinghouse next to the temple, and soft-spoken missionaries provided details and showed a 12-minute video about the Mormon Temples.

“Do we get snacks?” asked Stickers. “I’ve heard Mormons love green Jell-O.”

“No food on the tour,” whispered Sunbeam. “But someday you should learn about their food storage plans and community gardens.”

We were led in groups of 25 down the sidewalk to the entrance of the temple. Pleasant children covered our feet with white booties. By then, I had gone 20 minutes without my cell phone or access to the Internet, and I fought the anxiety. I felt calm and peace looking at an enormous painting of Jesus greeting us as we approached the ornate doors.

“They show Jesus with white skin and a long nose,” muttered Stickers. “Jewish people didn’t look like that 2,000 years ago.”

“How do you know?” countered Sunbeam. “Besides, it’s only an artist’s rendition and people like the artwork.”

Our group entered the building, quietly and respectfully. I noticed the gleaming marble floors, plush ivory-colored carpets, and Art Deco architecture abundant with gold-leaf paint framing the wall panels. The polished brass handrails gleamed under the brilliant light from countless fixtures in the high ceiling. Volunteers stood every few feet and gently pointed to the route we should follow.

“Why is everyone smiling?” whispered Stickers. “Is there a talent show?”

“Hush,” warned Sunbeam. “We are in a gorgeous place of reverence.”


Our lovely tour guide greeted us and led us down a marble staircase to the lower chamber so we could see the elaborate and pristine baptismal pool that was balanced on the backs of 12 stone oxen representing the 12 tribes of Israel. Mormons are serious about ceremonies that include baptism for the dead because they believe baptism is required to enter the kingdom of God. My two children had been baptized, but the procedure only involved some cold water splashed from a bowl onto their foreheads.

“Where’s the diving board?” asked Stickers.

“Just think of all the love that is offered when faithful Mormons do their temple work,” replied Sunbeam.

Our tour guide motioned for us to follow her into various instruction rooms. The tall walls were covered with enormous paintings of local landscapes and pastoral scenes. Many rooms contained altars covered in lace surrounded by upholstered kneeling pads. I was amazed by the glorious windows inlaid with stained glass showing intricate designs and white lilies.

“They should open a souvenir and gift shop here,” said Stickers. “You’d love some of those windows in the kitchen.”

“Did you know that the Mormon Temples are based on the Biblical description of Solomon’s Temple?” asked Sunbeam. “They take years to design every structure and use only the finest materials and the best workers. There are 157 Mormon Temples around the world, 12 are under construction, and 13 are designated to be built.”

The tour passed through the Sealing Room where, according to Mormon beliefs, a husband and wife are united for this life and forever. They believe families will be together after death.

“Oh, no,” Stickers muttered. “That means you would still be around that ornery brother who doesn’t like you.”

“Mormons believe families are forever,” replied Sunbeam. “Some Presbyterians think we get to be reincarnated and come back again and again until we do it right.”

We walked up and down several staircases. I counted 200 stairs in all and was grateful to have a nice workout on the tour. Elevators were available for people who couldn’t navigate all the stairs. We entered a magnificent chamber known as the Celestial Room. The pivotal attraction was a car-sized chandelier, dazzling with countless crystals and white lights reflecting off the alabaster walls. I wanted to curl up with a good book and a glass of wine but remembered Mormons didn’t drink alcohol. That choice must save them a lot of money.


At the end of the tour, we removed our booties and left the building. I scurried to my car and retrieved my cell phone so I could take photographs of the gorgeous landscaping and the dramatic setting.

“Look, I can see your golf course,” Stickers said. “I wonder if the folks at the temple will hear you swear when you make a bad shot.”

“Probably not,” mused Sunbeam. “The perfect acoustics in the building allow the people to focus on the teachings, rituals, and meditation.”

My cell phone vibrated with a new message, and I felt the urge to check my emails.

“Let’s go back inside,” sighed Stickers. “It’s quiet and peaceful there – with no distractions!”

“Oh, Stickers,” Sunbeam whispered. “I finally agree with you.”

 

 

Reservations for tours of the Meridian Idaho Temple at 7355 N Linder Road are available until November 11, 2017. Follow this link.

Change Your Boring Empty Nest into a Creative Writing Studio

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elaine 2013 (117)

Instead of moaning and groaning about empty nests, expanding waistlines, and lost libidos, women over age fifty should write something. Now is the time to release the passionate muse that has languished for years beneath responsibilities for raising children, establishing careers, maintaining homes, retaining happy marriages, and campaigning for political causes and charities. Middle-aged women have stories to tell, so they should convert the empty nest into a writing den, substitute the chocolate with a salad (just kidding), and receive self-confidence from writing so they feel sexy enough to find that lost libido. This is a win-win situation.

Here are some suggestions to inspire the writing process.

1. Write what you know. I couldn’t write well about a vegetarian, Socialist, nuclear physicist who sleeps with his/her dog and listens to rap music. Can’t do it. But, I thoroughly enjoyed writing Menopause Sucks because I’ve been there and it does! And, I laughed every time I wrote a sentence such as, “Let me tell you why you sneeze, fart, and wet your pants at the same time.” And, my fingers literally flew over the keyboard as I wrote about hairy toes, night sweats, and recommended sex toys. Yes, write what you know!

 

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My recent book, Midlife Happy Hour – Our Reward for Surviving Careers, Kids, and Chaos, explains how to stay relevant after age fifty, and how to balance midlife without falling over. I wrote it from my home office, often in pajamas at 3:00 am. The room originally was a bedroom, but I painted the walls red, added a desk and chair, full bookcases, gratuitous plaques, fun artwork, my typewriter collection, and immense amounts of clutter. There are many advantages to being older, wiser, and within steps of a bathroom and refrigerator.

clean office

 

As always, there is a caveat. If you’re writing historical fiction or a detailed novel, research the facts about a certain era and write a story that fits. You weren’t a member of the Clan of the Cave Bear and you didn’t run away with a peasant boy from the 17th century, but with enough investigation, you can always imagine the scenarios and write a compelling story. Just don’t name an ancient heroine Mandy.

2. Take advantage of, no… exploit, the serendipity of your life. Develop fascinating characters modeled after your belching piano teacher, or your uncle who refuses to discuss his war wounds but smashes beer cans against his forehead, or the passenger in the airplane seat next to you who laughs in her sleep, or your child who cries when the Disneyland Nightlight Parade stops. You are surrounded by juicy writing prompts. Keep a notebook handy to write quotes and facts to use later. Start with a private journal and progress to a public blog. That byline could become a lifeline to revitalizing stagnant energy.

3. Read your work out loud. You will discover sentences, paragraphs, and complete pages that no one will understand or ever read again. You’ll find that preposition lounging at the end of a sentence that screams: I’M A HORRIBLE WRITER! READ NO FURTHER! Also, make note to delete exclamation points and unnecessary capital letters.

4. Believe that all the words tumbling around in your brain MUST get out or you will explode! Yes, you hear voices, but it’s your characters demanding that you set them free. If you’re fiddling with non-fiction, then quick, spew forth those creative ideas on napkins, notebooks, old envelopes, typewriters (I still have some), and even a computer. Write. Write. Write. You’ve read plenty of crap that others have written, which is proof that your work will be OK. One more tip: limit your time online. The Internet will suck out your will to live, let alone write anything.

turn off internet and write

5. Continue to read and learn. Emulate your favorite authors. Janet Evanovich makes me howl with laughter and want to read more. On the other hand, E.L. James causes me to wish I were a vegetarian, Socialist, nuclear physicist who sleeps with my dog and listens to rap music. Her bestselling novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, is a hotbed of horrible writing featuring such provocative lines as, “Desire pools dark and deadly in my groin.” If I have anything pooling in my groin, I better run to the bathroom. Personally, I prefer two shades of grey during my romps in the hay: lights dim and lights off.

Writers should be honest enough to admit they need editors, smart enough to know their cousin shouldn’t design the book cover, and strong enough to read rejection letters and negative reviews without getting depressed. They can continue to hone their craft by attending writing workshops, joining literary groups, registering, for writing retreats, mingling with other authors, and finding a space to write. And, they should say out loud every day, “I am a writer.” Then they must go write.