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Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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You are here: Home / Archives for #Idaho

#Idaho

Hometown Reality Show

September 2, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

 

I grew up in a village of Wendell, Idaho when the population was 1,000. The town’s claim to fame was that Larry LaPrise, the creator of the song “Do The Hokey Pokey,” may have lived in Wendell. The joke is that after he died in nearby Gooding, the undertaker tried to put his left foot in the coffin, and then the right foot in, and mayhem ensued.

My father was born in Wendell in 1928, and both my parents, several aunts, uncles, cousins, my two brothers and I graduated from Wendell High School. We all shared some of the same teachers, desks, and mystery lunch food from the cafeteria. I was eager to leave town and escape to the University of Idaho when I was 17 but returned every now and then for a glimpse at the provocative reality show from my past.

Last week I drove to the main intersection of town and needed my sunglasses to shield my eyes from the electric-blue, neon-bright building on the corner. Apparently painted by an itinerate colony of crazy clowns with leftover circus paint, the unidentified store also sported a matching trailer with a window that may have served road food or offered a nefarious peepshow. The only lights on the outside of the day-glow structure came from the town’s one stoplight. We never had a stoplight when I lived there, but my widowed mother was cajoled by the city leaders into providing financial aid for the light when the town’s population exploded to 2,000 inhabitants.


In the urban jungle of my current town near Boise, parking is such a premium that people will wait 30 minutes in the street if they suspect another driver is leaving a parking spot. They will turn on their blinkers and hazard lights and gleefully maneuver their vehicle in place, often before the other driver has completely exited. The meters now accept credit cards but only for two hours, so it’s common to see people abandon kids, shopping bags, and dignity to hustle back to their cars to refill the meter. However, along the streets in Wendell you could park several 18-wheel tractor/trailer rigs, a few cattle trucks, some tractors hauling trailers piled with hay, a Greyhound bus, and an old Ford pickup on Main Street. Most still have the keys in the ignition.

 

Downtown – or is it DownVillage? – still holds the discarded, empty buildings from my past. The Ace Theatre hasn’t been occupied for more than 20 years, but once it was the most popular attraction on Friday and Saturday nights, except for hometown sports events. I remember sitting in a movie with other students from junior high when a goofy guy held my hand. The thrill was worth the 75 cents I paid for admission.

 

The best store in Wendell, then and now, is Simerly’s. Family-owned for three generations, the business offers groceries, a pharmacy, sporting goods, live bait, fresh flowers, cold beer, clothes, friendly staff, and ammunition. When shoppers became more sophisticated, Simerly’s punched a hole in the wall, lined it with fake bricks, and cleverly called it a wine cellar. You don’t need to shop anywhere else.


The other main businesses include two banks, a few restaurants, a realty, and several churches that change denominations every few decades. The best watering holes are the Stockman’s Club, still sporting a wobbly Christmas tree on the roof so it won’t need to decorate for the next holiday season, and the Silver Spur. Once I walked into the Silver Spur after a 10-year absence and the bartender looked up and said, “Hi, Elaine. Welcome back.”


The Wendell Cemetery is conveniently located next to the mini-storage facility. Both entities hold the last remains from the cowboys, farmers, and strong women who passed on to their final reward and left behind eclectic possessions and memories. Many of my relatives are buried there, and I often meander through the grounds, having conversations with the familiar names etching into the headstones. I leave books, ornaments, and flags on my parents’ graves. That doesn’t seem to bother them.

 

Before I leave town, I drive past my childhood home out in the country. My father built this mysterious rock fortress in 1963 and the architect claimed to be a student of Frank Lloyd Wright. I have no proof, but the style includes Wright’s familiar designs of polished cement floors, clerestory windows, built-in furniture, glass bricks embedded into the walls, and a flat roof. My dad decorated the interior with an eclectic assortment of purple toilets, a massive shield with swords, ashtrays on decorative pedestals, and wooden busts of Aborigines. I thought that was normal.

When people ask me where I’m from, I always say, “Wendell. It’s a small town in southern Idaho near Twin Falls.” Some know the location and others don’t care. The older I get, the better I appreciate being from Wendell. Most of the citizens are good, hard-working people who always say, “Hi. Welcome back.” Life is simple, neighbors help each other, and someone always leaves the light on for visitors. In the immortal words of Larry LaPrise, “That’s what it’s all about.”

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #Boise, #Idaho, hometown, nostalgia, small town, Wendell

Manuscripts and Mulligans: A Woman’s Writing and Playing Retreat

June 19, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

The next writing retreat offered by bestselling author Elaine Ambrose is August 11-13 in Meridian, Idaho. Preview the details here: Manuscripts and Mulligans

spurwing golg course

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #golf, #Idaho, #midlife, #women, #writing

The Good Brother

May 30, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

 

 

george art

My brother George Ambrose died yesterday. His health had been declining, so my husband Ken and I drove 130 miles to Twin Falls, Idaho, to meet him at a restaurant overlooking the Snake River Canyon; a fixture from our childhood. He told funny stories, we drank wine, and we helped him to his pickup. He drove home and died a few hours later.

My usual response to pain is to crack jokes. After I learned of his passing, I asked, “But he ordered the house wine!”

He could have ordered top shelf anything, but he wasn’t like that. As much as we were similar in our ability to tell stories, sing, laugh, and savor good food, we were different because he was a humble, quiet man. My obnoxious public antics often embarrassed him, but we remained close in spirit if not in proximity.

george elaine

Because he can’t stop me now, I’m going to write about him so others can appreciate his goodness. He was a talented artist. The drawing above was done when my older brother left home and shows my mother sobbing as she holds Little George’s hand while he’s grinning. My father plays a fiddle on top of one of his 18-wheel trucks. At the time, my father also owned about 6,000 hogs, hence the use of pigs in the artwork. (I’m not in the picture, but that’s for the memoir.)

george ui robe

George wasn’t encouraged to pursue his love of art because he was needed to help run the trucking company after he graduated from college. George also loved to sing; another passion that was discounted in the family work ethic requirements. He and I both were members of the Vandaleer Concert Choir at the University of Idaho. The Vandaleers only traveled on two tours outside the United States. I went with the choir to Europe, and five years later he traveled with the choir when it toured South America. I have a favorite photo that shows him adjusting my academic chords before graduation. He threatened to strangle me if I didn’t hold still.

george portrait

Another memory is when were performed in the talent show at school. I was in high school and he was in junior high. I performed an original poem titled, “My Mommy Spanked My Bottom.” He did a reading of “The Cremation of Sam McGee” by Robert Service. We won First and Second Place, which caused criticism from the town folk who thought we hogged the awards. The Robert Service poem continues to be popular in folklore and poetry. My poem, not so much.

One fun adventure with George and Marti, his wife of 30 years, was when they took Ken and me to Jackpot, Nevada to see the comedy show performed by “Larry, the Cable Guy.” I laughed and snorted for two hours.  I recommend that to anyone.

My father’s health deteriorated when George was in his mid-twenties, and George took over most of the daily duties of the trucking company and the farms. After my dad died in 1989, George became the owner of Montana Express. For relaxation, he loved to fly his small plane, and continued flying until he could no longer pass the physical test. On the day he died, a friend took George and Marti flying one last time. The altitude change was bad for his health, but he went anyway. Then he drove to Twin to meet us at the restaurant.

I had no idea that was the last time I would see him. We talked about arranging a family get-together at a restaurant in Hagerman. He nodded. But, there was something in his eyes. I couldn’t stop staring at them. There was a glow that saw something beyond me that I couldn’t see. Now I believe he was making the transition to another realm, and to be included in that moment, I am honored and humbled. (Ha! He would love that!) At his request, there won’t be a funeral.

george dad me

My father died at age 60. George was 61. I’ve outlived both and am getting nervous. I’m motivated to enjoy every day and will try to avoid crabby people, create some laughter, and hug my family. I treasure the memories of George, and I promise to live better. I probably won’t become as humble as he was, but I’ll try. God speed, Little Brother. Follow the light.

george with family

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #family, #health, #Idaho, #trucking, #universityofidaho, sibling death

The Final Tee Box with Jean Guthrie

February 10, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

dantante bay golf course hole 17

 

We approached the signature Hole 17 on the Danzante Bay Golf Course overlooking the Sea of Cortez in Loreto, Mexico, but without the usual commotion and gusto. Our mission was not to send our ball soaring over the towering cliff from the tee box to the green below but to honor our friend Jean Guthrie in the way she would appreciate.

guthrie golf

Jean died after a short illness while we were on vacation at the Villa del Palmar. She was our laughing friend, the one who offered shots of Fireball when we birdied a hole, the one who cajoled her quiet husband Mike to dress up like an elf for Christmas parties, the one who always greeted us with rib-crunching hugs, and the one who raised three sons and made it look easy. We wanted to memorialize her effervescent spirit with her own tee box at the signature hole.

jean guthrie ball 2

My husband Ken wrote her name on a Titelist golf gall and added a tee from Spurwing Country Club, the club we all belong to in Idaho. We placed the tee on the highest cliff overlooking the tee box and shared a moment of silence. We walked away, knowing a mysterious breeze could come at any moment and move the ball.

jean and elaine

Jean Guthrie exploded into our lives riding on vibrant rays of sunshine, illuminating our meandering personal cart paths, tossing shots of adult beverages, hollering at others to join the parade, and refusing to leave until everyone was laughing. Her death brings the final darkness of a star exploding in the night sky, showering us with one last poignant glimmer before extinguishing forever and leaving a void that can’t be filled.

jean guthrie golf

Jean possessed the gift of joy; she was exuberant, positive, infectious, beautiful, independent and adventurous. She loved life, and she loved her family. She met Mike Guthrie in college, and they created the powerful team known as Jean-and-Mike. They established successful businesses, raised three sons, and traveled the world, toting golf bags along with Jean’s energetic optimism to balance Mike’s dry wit.

jean guthrie shots

During the last few years, Jean’s active life took on an accelerated pace. She went to Turkey alone to join friends, she moved to Idaho, cared for her ailing sister, divided her time between Idaho and Palm Desert, California, and she organized a golf excursion with Mike to play major courses throughout the south. Her latest adventure came just two weeks before her death when Mike and she took their sons and their partners on a week-long trip to Hawaii. She lived life to the fullest until suddenly her life was over before we could play another round.

guthrie, diteman, us st chapelle

Knowing Jean was a privilege. We’ve shared golf games where laughter exceeded any serious decorum. We’ve dined at each other’s homes, escaped for a weekend at a mountain cabin, and enjoyed a day-long tour of Idaho’s wine country. Through it all, we never suspected she would die at age 67. Not Jean. Not the force behind the smile. The untimely end to such a vivacious, spirited woman proves life isn’t fair, and abundant laughter is balanced with profound pain.

The world is less bright without Jean, but she would want us to go play, aim for the birdie, and toast her with shots. So for Jean, we’ll wipe our tears and try to live and laugh without her; but we’ll never forget. Farewell, our funny, feisty, and fabulous friend. We’ll talk again when we return to Loreto.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #death, #golf, #Idaho, Guthrie, Loreto Mexico, memorial, Spurwing Country Club

The Great Potato Debate: Idaho Vs. Maine

November 22, 2016 By Elaine Ambrose

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A recent poll revealed that Americans are more divided than ever during this Thanksgiving week. Perhaps most contentious is the debate over which potatoes to serve: Idaho or Maine.

Holiday meals won’t be complete without a cube of real butter melting in the center of a heaping bowl of mashed potatoes next to an industrial-sized pitcher of homemade gravy. These simple pleasures make life worth living.

My grandparents and parents were potato farmers in Idaho, and I knew that the state produced the best spuds in the world. Recently that opinion was challenged when I met Molly Stevens, a humor writer from Bangor, Maine. She’s proud of her state’s potatoes and had the audacity to send me a list of reasons Maine spuds are better than Idaho potatoes.

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Her half-baked view fried my tater tots, and I considered mashing her list of reasons into a stew of discarded peelings. But, I decided to vegetate on the harvest of ideas and hash over the rebuttal to her dig. We met at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Dayton, Ohio, and proceeded to duplicate the “shrimp scene” from the movie, Forest Gump.

“We like our spuds baked, mashed, fried, scalloped, in salad, and grilled,” I said.

“Well, we like ours so much we have twice-baked spuds, and we add them to casseroles, soups, stews, and hash,” she answered.

“Everyone knows that Idaho potatoes make the best potato chips, pancakes, and gnocchi,” I replied.

“Well, have you ever eaten loaded skins made from Maine spuds or dropped them into a pot at a crab boil? You’ll fall on your hoe and declare that we have the better potatoes.” Molly was passionate about her potatoes.

To offer a balanced debate on the fate of the great potato, here are our facts, beginning with our formidable childhood work in the fields:

Molly: I grew up on a potato farm in Northern Maine and started picking potatoes when I was five years old. I got to drive the tractor until ‘The Incident’ when I drove the tractor over the bank taking a wide turn at the end of the row. Luckily there was no rollover to recall but I can still hear my Dad shout “Balls!” which was his go-to word when he was upset and the harshest language I ever heard him utter.

Elaine:
I grew up on a potato farm outside the village of Wendell, Idaho. Schools were closed for two weeks in October so everyone could help with the harvest. My job was to stand on the back of a lumbering harvester pulling weeds, vines, and rocks off the spuds as they tumbled over rattling chains into the trucks. The job brought added challenges of dirt, wind, noise, and cold temperatures, but no one complained. Children in those days were hungry to work because the parents usually said, “No work. No dinner.”

Molly: The staple on our table morning, noon and night was the lowly and delicious potato. I was vaguely aware that another state in the union touted itself the top potato grower. According to my jigsaw puzzle of the United States Idaho was way out west, bordering Montana. I didn’t worry too much about competition from the Idaho potato because I knew from the Maine Potato Board that Maine potatoes were better and the first reason is because of the superior seed. Dad grew Maine potatoes from the best seed possible because he raised his own and Dad didn’t do anything less than excellent.

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Elaine: Maine doesn’t have that much volcanic soil, mainly because the state’s volcanoes haven’t erupted for millions of years. Idaho is a virtual hot bed of volcanic action and the last large eruption was only 5,200 years ago, right before I was born. The resulting rich soil produces potatoes that taste better, last longer, and offer a more pleasing texture. We purchased seed potatoes from eastern Idaho, the True Territory of the Tuber.

Molly: Maine has more experience because we’ve been producing potatoes longer than any state in the nation. Do you want to eat a potato that hasn’t learned from its mistakes through the years? Don’t you think the less experienced potato would taste wet behind the eyes?

Elaine: Maine’s geriatric spuds can’t compete with Idaho’s younger, energetic potatoes. Idaho spuds are in their robust years while Maine’s puny potatoes are smaller and more wrinkled. They wear little knitted shawls and plaid hats with ear covers.

Molly: Maine’s harsh winters bring below-zero weather to kill pests while Idaho’s milder winters allow these varmints to terrorize innocent crops for another season.

Elaine: Maine’s harsh winters are why no one wants to live there. I’ll take pesky critters over frozen nose hairs any day.

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Molly: We don’t need irrigation to force growth, unlike the dry desert fields in Idaho.

Elaine: Irrigation captures the fresh water from the mountains and turns southern Idaho into fertile farmland. Harnessing the water continues to provide thousands of jobs and produce world-famous crops. And we don’t need to deal with that pesky sea salt blowing in from the Atlantic.

Molly: Our potatoes have less of a “wild” taste because we’re pretty tame here in Maine, unlike the wild west of Idaho. We calmly enjoy creating the perfect vitamin-packed, energy-rich vegetable perfect for any meal.

Elaine: True, Idaho is wild. And, big. We produce 320,000 acres of potatoes equaling 13 billion pounds every year. Idaho covers more than 83,000 square miles and is big enough to eat the state of Maine (36,000 square miles) for dinner and then gobble the states of Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Maryland, and Massachusetts for dessert. We’re wild like that.

Molly: Maine wins because of our humility. Idaho surpasses Maine in extolling the virtues of their potatoes with a huge advertising budget. Maine, on the other hand, thinks that the flavor of our potatoes is all that is necessary to market our superior product. Thus every bite of a Maine potato includes a serving of humility.

Elaine: You’re correct about the humility. We openly brag about our spuds and have a six-ton potato touring the country on a truck. We also enjoy the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl football game, the country’s best Potato Museum, and the sexy Idaho Potato Drop on New Year’s Eve. Not one ounce of humility is used in the creation and promotion of these events.

Molly: Our potatoes have thick skin. Living in Northern Maine is not easy with its harsh winters and remote location. This makes our potato grow a thicker skin, which is much less vulnerable to bruises and blemishes during harvest and shipping.organic-spuds

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Elaine: The skin on an Idaho potato can be brown, gold, purple, or red. This colorful array of delicious, nutritious food makes the centerpiece for a healthy meal. If the skin isn’t as thick as yours, that just makes it easier to peel.

We decided to end the debate because we were getting hungry. We’ll continue our research and try various recipes using the illustrious potato. I’ll concede that Maine offers other great food items: lobster, clam chowder with black bread, and Whoopie pies. Idaho has potatoes.

The only fact we agreed on: friends don’t allow friends to eat instant mashed potatoes. This nasty product is made from dehydrated inferior potatoes mixed with sodium bisulfate, citric acid, and BHA to preserve color and flavor. BHA is short for butylated hydroxyanisole, and some studies indicate it may be a carcinogen. Other ingredients in instant potatoes can include hydrogenated oils, corn syrup, silicon dioxide, and other mystery chemicals. Don’t buy or eat this fake food.

Here’s to a festive holiday meal, highlighted with a steaming bowl of real mashing potatoes. Forget any contentious debates, and eat, drink, and be merry.

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #holidays, #Idaho, Maine, potatoes

Come to the Mountains to Write, Tell, and Record Your Story

August 27, 2016 By Elaine Ambrose

 

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Mill Park Publishing of Eagle, Idaho is sponsoring a women’s writing Retreat on November 4-6, 2016, for those who want to preserve and share their stories. We’ll focus on how to write a memoir, how to participate in verbal storytelling, and how to record an audio book. Registration is limited to 12 women, and accommodations include two deluxe mountain cabins with two private rooms with private baths and five shared rooms with shared baths.

Cost is $400 per person for private room and bath or $300 per person for shared room and shared bath.

Cost includes two light dinners, two breakfasts, one lunch, snacks, materials, and speakers.

Transportation from the airport, to the cabins, and back to the airport will be provided for guests from out-of-state.

writers retreat jan 14 group

On Saturday night, participants will be encouraged to stand and read to the group. There will be free time to write, hike, read, or visit the nearby recreation area and hot springs.

Workshops will be facilitated by Elaine Ambrose, author and owner of Mill Park Publishing. Preview her credentials at www.ElaineAmbrose.com.

cabin back deck

Topics include:

  • Why Your Story Matters – How to Outline Your Memoir
  • Tell Your Story – How to Speak in Public, Read Your Work, and Prepare an Audio Book
  • Setting Goals Beyond Next Week – How to Design a Workable Schedule to Complete Your Work

Registration is due by October 15. No refunds after October 20, 2016. Follow this link: Retreat.

writers retreat elaine (1)

The cabins are located in Garden Valley, approximately an hour’s drive from Boise, Idaho, and are equipped with linens, towels, high-speed Internet, land-line telephone, and modern amenities. Please respond with dietary requirements and mobility issues. Past evaluations and reviews are available upon request.

Preemptive Political Plea:  The writer’s retreat is a few days before the election. Any political discussions will be moved outside…with the bears, wolves, and mountain lions. Quarreling interferes with the laughter.

More details and directions to the cabins will be sent after payment is received.

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #Idaho, #memoir, audio book, cabin, read out loud, record, speak, women writers, writer's retreat

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