Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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Accidental Ventriloquist

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For most of my 50-year career, I’ve been a public speaker. I started as a television news reporter and talk show hostess and later worked in corporate communications and public relations before starting a small publishing company and creating professional workshops in southern Idaho. I enjoyed traveling to conferences across the country to present writing workshops and motivational, humorous speeches.

Two calamities silenced my voice: Covid and a heart attack.

In the spring of 2020, I was scheduled to return to Ireland to give writing workshops during a two-week excursion followed by speaking at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Ohio. Both events were canceled due to Covid. Travel and speaking engagements stopped, so I took an online course about how to create and publish writing webinars on Zoom. Travel restrictions were relaxed, and in June of 2021, I traveled to Todos Santos, Mexico to present a workshop at a writer’s retreat. Unfortunately, I suffered a heart attack the night before I was scheduled to return to Idaho. My guardian angels worked overtime to secure airport wheelchairs, clearance at Customs, and transportation home.

Creating webinars – when I had enough breath

Cardiologists in Boise diagnosed cardiomyopathy heart disease with a reduced ejection fraction of 30 percent – meaning my heart was broken. I had two surgeries, and the second one in 2022 installed a defibrillator beneath my collarbone. I continued to have shortness of breath, so I canceled the webinars and future speaking engagements. I didn’t have the energy to walk around the block or to speak for more than a few minutes.

I was wallowing, silently, in self-pity until my friend Sheli Yerkes Gartman, CEO of Women Ignite International, contacted me in the summer of 2022 and asked me to join a group of funny women in a comedy show for the WICON conference in Boise in October. I decided I wasn’t finished with life, so I eagerly agreed to practice with the group.

Comedy Show at the Egyptian Theatre

I had used finger puppets in many of my past presentations, and I decided to expand my part of the humorous program and incorporate larger puppets. For the show, I dressed as an Egyptian Queen (a former life, no doubt) and held a southern-speaking puppet on one hand and a monster-speaking puppet on the other. My first ventriloquism act was a bit ambitious because I needed three voices, including my own. I was the first act on stage and entertained for five minutes. I felt triumphant. The program lasted over an hour and included group skits and other monologues. By the end of the show, I knew I had a new hobby.

I watched YouTube training videos by famous ventriloquist Jeff Dunham and joined a Facebook group of lady ventriloquists. They recommended companies selling full-body puppets for ventriloquists. I now have a family of seven. I’ll be entertaining at a music festival near McCall, Idaho in June. My goal is to perform several five-minute gigs. I hope to increase my stamina so I can speak longer without gasping for air.

Lady Delilah offers advice

Meet the Puppets

I enjoyed naming my seven puppets. I had some help from Facebook friends about the name Huckleberry Hannah. The other choice was BlueBerry Belle, but the letter “B” is difficult to pronounce without moving lips. I practiced daily how to speak various voices, but sometimes I mixed up the accents, but no one complained.

Lady Delilah arrived from The Dummy Shoppe. She is British and offers sassy opinions and bold advice.

Jessie Jo from Idaho loves to sing country western songs

Jessie Jo from Idaho is a custom order from The Dummy Shoppe | Puppets by JET. She sings country western songs and promises hilarious stories at music festivals and other events.

Aunt Olga from the Old Country makes me laugh

Aunt Olga is from Axtell Expressions. She arrived from the Old Country and enjoys telling stories of life using her thick Russian accent.

Huckleberry Hannah and Midlife Molly from Pubbets

Midlife Molly is a custom order from Pubbets. She’s soft-spoken but offers pithy advice for middle-aged women in need of hot-flash humor.

Huckleberry Hannah is another creation from Pubbets. She has several outfits and speaks with a charming southern voice.

Officer Ricardo is a dedicated law enforcement officer with a Mexican accent. I found him online at an Etsy shop. He offers tips about how to follow the law.

Officer Ricardo knows the law

Wendell is an ordinary boy who is content to be average. I found him online at Folkmanis. He is soft-spoken with a low voice, and he is a storyteller.

To publish my short ventriloquism acts, I record my puppets on my iPad and upload the videos to social media and to my YouTube channel. I often laugh out loud as my puppets say comments I never intended for them to say. Ventriloquism has opened a new opportunity to share my love of storytelling. This 71-year-old grandmother with heart disease isn’t finished, yet.

Wendell, an ordinary boy

 

 

 

 

Menopause Still Sucks after a Dozen Years

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Elaine Ambrose, author, “Menopause Sucks” – 2008

I hosted the premiere party for Menopause Sucks twelve years ago on August 8, 2008 in Eagle, Idaho. I was divorced then, and my children helped me organize the event. The book was cowritten with bestselling author Joanne Kimes, and my literary agent was Andrea Hurst. The publisher was Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster. Since then, I’ve written and/or published 14 more books, two grandbabes were born, I met a guy I call Studley, and we moved to a golf course. Menopause sucks less.

Here are some excerpts from Menopause Sucks.

Warning: Over 38 million women are going through menopause, and some of them are really irritated. If you’re one of them, you know that it’s a crying shame that you could live to be 100 but only twenty of those years come with youthful vigor, shiny hair, smooth skin, multiple orgasms, and a flat stomach. To understand what is happening to your mind and body, just put down that shotgun and find a cool spot to read the book Menopause Sucks by menopausal maniac Elaine Ambrose. You’ll find answers and laughs as you learn about hot flashes, incontinence, hair loss, age spots, flatulence, mood swings, and hot sex after forty. This isn’t your mother’s medical manual.

While it is better than dying too young, living past forty often comes with unpleasant and bewildering challenges. For the most part, every single symptom of menopause is caused by one reason, and one reason alone: hormones. It seems that your body makes several different kinds of hormones that love to cavort through your body and play havoc with your sanity. Two major players are called estrogen and progesterone. In medical terms, estrogen is produced in your ovaries and acts as a chemical commander in chief, telling your female body what to do. In not-so-medical terms, imagine a teeny tyrant running through your brain yelling, “Grow pubic hair now!” “Ovulate from the left ovary!” or “Make that boob bigger than the other one!” As with most power-hungry rascals, estrogen likes to change the rules every now and then just to confuse you.

As perimenopause begins, your ovaries are tired of taking orders, so they decide to reduce the production of estrogen. “Attention All Sectors. Estrogen is leaving the body. Farewell party at noon in the pituitary gland.” Then all hell breaks loose and you start to experience symptoms of perimenopause. The fact that you live through this chaos is definite proof of your magnificence. A lesser species would have become extinct millions of years ago.

It’s a rather cruel trick of nature that you could be raising teenagers and caring for aging parents while your Generalissimo Estrogen is barking orders at your female parts, your Busy Bee Progesterones are frantically fixing up the uterus for the Sperm and Egg Combo, and your Naughty Testosterone is working your libido like a tigress in heat.

Need more sassy information? Read the book! I have some and would love to autograph one and send it to you for only $10. Email me at [email protected].

Give Mom Humor and Be Her Favorite Child

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Flowers and candy are lovely gifts for Mother’s Day, but after all the angst and drama of the past two months, Mom wants to laugh! I’d love to help. My award-winning books, eBooks, and audiobooks will cause your mother to smile again and love you more than your siblings.

“Laugh-out-loud funny!” – Publishers Weekly

“Resembles Erma Bombeck.” – Foreword Reviews

Winners of Five National Writing Awards, including Finalist for Book of the Year for Humor with a rare 5-Star Review

Both books were ranked #1 Bestsellers online.

Midlife Happy Hour is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook read by the Author

Midlife Cabernet is available in paperback and eBook

Here’s a sneak peek of the preliminary cover for the final book in the midlife trilogy: Midlife Reboot – Humorous Stories of Rest, Resilience, and Renewal. This book will make the perfect Christmas and holiday present, so you’ll still be the favorite child.

Order the first two books online, from local bookstores, or directly from the author: For personalized and autographed copies, email [email protected]

Don’t Take Photos in Public Restrooms

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Grocery shopping is at the top of my list of “Things Never to Do During Thanksgiving Week.” Of course, I seldom obey my own rules, so I was at the store on the afternoon before Thanksgiving squeezing my laden cart through the aisles full of intense people all in a mad frenzy to spend hundreds of dollars so they could work several hours to prepare food some guests wouldn’t like in order to give thanks.

I was half done with my long list when my body betrayed me as it usually does during stressful times. I had to go to the bathroom. I maneuvered my cart close to the restroom and parked it near the door, hoping no one would take the cans of water chestnuts because they were too difficult to find. In a hurry to finish my business and return to shopping, I accidentally dropped my precious list into the toilet.

Under normal circumstances, I would have flushed away my problems, but I needed that list. I still could read the words but didn’t want to reach in and pull out a soggy piece of paper, so I did the next best thing: I took a photograph on my cell phone. Yes, I did.

I continued shopping while focusing on the photo of the essential items. I found everything except a spice identified with a complicated name. I needed the spice for a new recipe. A busy store employee dashed by, and I grabbed his arm and showed him the photo on my phone.

“Do you know where I can find this?” I asked.

The employee stared at my phone and then at me and back at the phone.

“Do you need to find the restroom?” he asked, backing away.

I looked at my phone and there it was: a photo of a toilet bowl. Apparently, he assumed the floating list was used toilet paper. I stammered apologies and quickly pushed my cart to the next aisle, almost wiping out a senior citizen riding a travel scooter. I decided I didn’t want the spice with the fancy name.

While waiting in the checkout line, I frantically tried to delete the photo from my cell phone. Somehow in my flustered desperation, I accidentally posted it to my public Instagram Account. I regularly post photos to Instagram, so it was a natural habit.

“Oh, no!” I wailed. “I just showed my toilet on the Internet!”

As I was pounding the delete button on the now-public photo, a kind customer service representative came over and pushed my cart to a special checkout line. She spoke in a soothing voice usually reserved for manic shoppers in need of medication. I finally deleted the photo, paid for the groceries, and found my car. As I drove away, I waved farewell to the grocery store. I can never return.

Next time, I’ll chose a short shopping list.

Author Wins Global Writing Awards in Three Genres in Three Years

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On May 9, 2019, the Independent Press Award recognized Frozen Dinners – A Memoir of a Fractured Family by Idaho Author Elaine Ambrose as the winner of a 2019 Distinguished Favorite in the memoir category. This is the third consecutive win for the author in three different genres: humor, children’s books, and memoir. The author’s books won the 2019 award for memoir, the 2018 award for children’s books, and two awards in 2017 for humor.
The Independent Press Award competition is judged by experts from different aspects of the book industry, including publishers, writers, editors, book cover designers and professional copywriters. Selected award Winners and Distinguished Favorites are based on overall excellence.


Frozen Dinners – A Memoir of a Fractured Family was released in November by Brown Books Publishing Group and remains a national bestseller. The book is available from local bookstores and online in hardcover and eBook, and the publisher recently sold the audio rights for the author to read the manuscript for an audio version to be released this summer. The memoir describes the author’s childhood on an isolated farm outside the village of Wendell, Idaho. Her father, an intense entrepreneur, made a fortune hauling frozen food throughout the Northwest. After his early death, the family and fortune were destroyed, and the author spent half a century seeking warmth and freedom.

For the 2019 competition, the INDEPENDENT PRESS AWARD had entries from across the globe. Worldwide participation included books submitted from cities such as London to Madrid; Dallas to Philadelphia; Calgary to Melbourne, Chicago to San Francisco, and many different countries such as Australia, Africa, Canada, Egypt, India, Japan and Scotland as well as others.

“We are overjoyed to announce the winners and distinguished favorites in our annual 2019 INDEPENDENT PRESS AWARD. Independent publishing is prospering in every corner of the earth, and we are thrilled to be highlighting key titles representing global independent publishing.” said awards sponsor Gabrielle Olczak.

Books by Ambrose have won multiple international writing awards in the past five years.

In 2017, Midlife Happy Hour – Our Reward for Surviving Careers, Kids, and Chaos
* Finalist for INDIES Book of the Year Award for Humor
* Independent Press Award – Distinguished Favorite – Humor
* Independent Press Award – Winner – Midlife
* 5-Star Review from Foreword Reviews

In 2018, Gators & Taters – A Week of Bedtime Stories
• 2018 “Distinguished Favorite” for Children’s Literature from the Independent Press Awards
• One of 50 Children’s Books Selected for Bowker’s National Recommended Reading List


Also in 2018, The Magic Potato – La Papa Mágica
•2018 Silver Medal Winner from the Moonbeam Children’s Book Awards for Children’s Literature
Adopted by the Idaho State Board of Education for the statewide curriculum.

In 2014, Midlife Cabernet – Life, Love, and Laughter After Fifty
• “Laugh-out-Loud Funny”- Publishers Weekly
• “Erma Bombeck” – Foreword Reviews
• Silver Medal for Humor from the Independent Publisher Book Awards (IPPY)

Find more information about the author’s books and blog at ElaineAmbrose.

Anti-Aging with Puppets and Punchlines

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With the topic, “A Lesson in Humor Writing from an Old Fart,” I exploit my age as proof I’m not done yet – and neither is my audience.

Introducing my new Speaker Page.

My public speaking career spans 40 years, and I’ve been telling some of the same jokes since 1980. On a positive note, many people in the audience can’t remember my original jokes, or they don’t care if I’ve told them several times. They only want to laugh again because the world is far too crabby.

During a lull in a busy schedule of events, I’m organizing some speaking engagements for next year. My talented web designer, Rena McDaniel, of The Blogging 911, has redesigned my Speaker Page, and I’m delighted with the results. Interested event planners can view the page and find audio/visual clips, testimonials, and photos from past speeches. I’m ready for more gigs because preparing for a speech keeps the cobwebs out of my brain. Being on stage in front of laughing people is my favorite anti-aging routine.

Because I need to develop new material, I’m sharing my usual opening lines that are guaranteed to provoke laughter from a willing audience. I’ve even seen these anecdotes produce a faint smile from the most negative curmudgeons.

“It’s such a busy time of year. I’ve had company for weeks! I finally took my aunt to the airport this morning, but now I’m feeling guilty. Her plane doesn’t leave until next week.”

Rim shot.

My view of the audience can be fun.

I often begin humorous speeches with that joke because it always provokes laughter from the audience. Why? First, people can identify with being busy and dealing with house guests. Second, there is an unexpected twist at the end. You can substitute aunt with mother-in-law, depending upon the strength of your marriage and assuming she’s not in the audience.

No one says, “Oh, you shouldn’t have said that!” The audience knows I’m joking, but they laugh anyway because it’s a funny scenario. After they stop laughing, I immediately add a second image.

“My sweet aunt was sick last year, so I visited her. She was in bed, and as we talked I munched on peanuts in a bowl on her nightstand. I noticed that I had eaten all the peanuts so I offered to buy more. She said, ‘Oh, Elaine, I can’t eat peanuts because they hurt my teeth. I just suck off the chocolate and put them back in the bowl.”

That story also guarantees a laugh. Why? Because the audience can see my aunt sick in bed and feels tender support for my visit. Then the silly image of her sucking off the chocolate hits their funny bone. For added emphasis, I use a southern drawl for my aunt’s voice. It’s all in great fun and causes the group to relax and prepare for my speech. Without a humorous introduction, it would take more time to connect with the listeners.

A well-timed, original joke can be the beginning of a wonderful relationship between a speaker and an audience, and between friends. Caveat: don’t read jokes, and don’t tell them if you’re not comfortable with public speaking. Rehearse the stories out loud so you get the timing and phrasing correct. A well-delivered punch line can be a golden experience as the audience reacts and instantly loves you. Conversely, a dull, lifeless and insecure presentation is painful for everyone. Make sure the joke is not on you.

I use and distribute finger puppets in some of my keynote speeches.

I’ve enjoyed speaking at several national conferences, including the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, the BAM Bloggers at Midlife Conference, the Type-A Parents Conference, and the Idaho Writers Guild annual writing conference. At all the presentations, I bring my bag of finger puppets and new anecdotes along with books to sell. Apparently, people want and need to be happy. I’ll do my part to facilitate a few chuckles and provoke boisterous laughter because there are too many grouchy people getting all the attention.

For public speaking engagements, I include my three top tips for adding humor to your life:

1. Switch off the news. Balance your intake of madness and mayhem with funny shows, movies, books and silly friends.

2. Avoid crabby people.Unless you’re a paid clinical psychiatrist, don’t try to solve everyone’s problems. Listen, be kind, and go hang out with those who like to laugh.

3. Practice laughter. Read daily positive, humorous affirmations and focus on all the good stories. Print a photograph of you laughing and attach it to a visible place in your home or car. If you don’t have a photo, stage one. You’ll like how you look.

Laughter is good for the body and soul. And, a sense of humor provides a great way to make and keep friends. As the American Author and Humorist Mark Twain said, “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.”

Go forth, cause laughter, and enjoy the show. You’ll look young and vibrant.

 

Idaho Speakers Bureau Directory