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Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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You are here: Home / Archives for Midlife Happy Hour

Midlife Happy Hour

Create Your QR Code for a Conference

March 31, 2018 By Elaine Ambrose

I’m traveling to two important events in April: the prestigious Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Dayton, Ohio, and the Wayfinding Women excursion to Ireland. My latest bestselling books are too heavy and cumbersome to carry and many people don’t want to haul them home, so I have the next-best marketing tool: a QR Code. QR stands for “Quick Response” and allows any URL to be scanned for instant access. To make a free QR Code from any website, go to several options including QR Code Generator. I have codes for my books and for my website.

To use the QR Code, download and open a QR reader on your smartphone, take a photo of the QR Code, and open the website. Most smartphones will automatically connect to the website after “seeing” the black and white squares embedded in the QR Code.

This QR Code allows potential clients and friends to instantly access my website without storing business cards or scribbling website addresses. Other marketing materials include the code to each book so it can be found and ordered on Amazon. I strongly advocate selling through local bookstores over Amazon, but the choices are different at a conference. Here are two examples of how I use the codes on my book marketing materials.

Midlife Happy Hour remains in the top 100 bestselling books for Midlife Management on Amazon.

  • INDIES Finalist for Humor Book of the Year
  • First Place for Midlife, Independent Press Awards
  • Distinguished Favorite for Humor, Independent Press Awards
  • 5-Star Review from Foreword Reviews
  • Chosen to Premiere at the Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association Fall Trade Show
  • Available in Paperback, eBook, and Audiobook

Midlife Cabernet earned hundreds of positive reviews on Amazon.

  • Silver medal for humor, Independent Publisher Book Awards
  • “Laugh-out-loud funny!” – Publishers Weekly
  • “Erma Bombeck” – Foreword Reviews
  • #1 Bestseller in Humor on Amazon
  • Available in Paperback and eBook

I printed the QR Code on postcards to distribute at conferences. It’s more convenient that hauling books. There is one downside: Authors can’t autograph or personalize the books ordered through a QR Code. Maybe there’s an app for that!

Filed Under: blog, Uncategorized Tagged With: #Erma Bombeck, #Midlife Cabernet, book marketing, conference, Midlife Happy Hour, QR Codes, reviews

Change Your Boring Empty Nest into a Creative Writing Studio

July 29, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

elaine 2013 (117)

Instead of moaning and groaning about empty nests, expanding waistlines, and lost libidos, women over age fifty should write something. Now is the time to release the passionate muse that has languished for years beneath responsibilities for raising children, establishing careers, maintaining homes, retaining happy marriages, and campaigning for political causes and charities. Middle-aged women have stories to tell, so they should convert the empty nest into a writing den, substitute the chocolate with a salad (just kidding), and receive self-confidence from writing so they feel sexy enough to find that lost libido. This is a win-win situation.

Here are some suggestions to inspire the writing process.

1. Write what you know. I couldn’t write well about a vegetarian, Socialist, nuclear physicist who sleeps with his/her dog and listens to rap music. Can’t do it. But, I thoroughly enjoyed writing Menopause Sucks because I’ve been there and it does! And, I laughed every time I wrote a sentence such as, “Let me tell you why you sneeze, fart, and wet your pants at the same time.” And, my fingers literally flew over the keyboard as I wrote about hairy toes, night sweats, and recommended sex toys. Yes, write what you know!

 

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My recent book, Midlife Happy Hour – Our Reward for Surviving Careers, Kids, and Chaos, explains how to stay relevant after age fifty, and how to balance midlife without falling over. I wrote it from my home office, often in pajamas at 3:00 am. The room originally was a bedroom, but I painted the walls red, added a desk and chair, full bookcases, gratuitous plaques, fun artwork, my typewriter collection, and immense amounts of clutter. There are many advantages to being older, wiser, and within steps of a bathroom and refrigerator.

clean office

 

As always, there is a caveat. If you’re writing historical fiction or a detailed novel, research the facts about a certain era and write a story that fits. You weren’t a member of the Clan of the Cave Bear and you didn’t run away with a peasant boy from the 17th century, but with enough investigation, you can always imagine the scenarios and write a compelling story. Just don’t name an ancient heroine Mandy.

2. Take advantage of, no… exploit, the serendipity of your life. Develop fascinating characters modeled after your belching piano teacher, or your uncle who refuses to discuss his war wounds but smashes beer cans against his forehead, or the passenger in the airplane seat next to you who laughs in her sleep, or your child who cries when the Disneyland Nightlight Parade stops. You are surrounded by juicy writing prompts. Keep a notebook handy to write quotes and facts to use later. Start with a private journal and progress to a public blog. That byline could become a lifeline to revitalizing stagnant energy.

3. Read your work out loud. You will discover sentences, paragraphs, and complete pages that no one will understand or ever read again. You’ll find that preposition lounging at the end of a sentence that screams: I’M A HORRIBLE WRITER! READ NO FURTHER! Also, make note to delete exclamation points and unnecessary capital letters.

4. Believe that all the words tumbling around in your brain MUST get out or you will explode! Yes, you hear voices, but it’s your characters demanding that you set them free. If you’re fiddling with non-fiction, then quick, spew forth those creative ideas on napkins, notebooks, old envelopes, typewriters (I still have some), and even a computer. Write. Write. Write. You’ve read plenty of crap that others have written, which is proof that your work will be OK. One more tip: limit your time online. The Internet will suck out your will to live, let alone write anything.

turn off internet and write

5. Continue to read and learn. Emulate your favorite authors. Janet Evanovich makes me howl with laughter and want to read more. On the other hand, E.L. James causes me to wish I were a vegetarian, Socialist, nuclear physicist who sleeps with my dog and listens to rap music. Her bestselling novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, is a hotbed of horrible writing featuring such provocative lines as, “Desire pools dark and deadly in my groin.” If I have anything pooling in my groin, I better run to the bathroom. Personally, I prefer two shades of grey during my romps in the hay: lights dim and lights off.

Writers should be honest enough to admit they need editors, smart enough to know their cousin shouldn’t design the book cover, and strong enough to read rejection letters and negative reviews without getting depressed. They can continue to hone their craft by attending writing workshops, joining literary groups, registering, for writing retreats, mingling with other authors, and finding a space to write. And, they should say out loud every day, “I am a writer.” Then they must go write.

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #empty nest, #humor, #midlife, #writing retreats, Midlife Happy Hour, writers

Funny Friends are Finalists for Book of the Year Award

March 16, 2017 By Elaine Ambrose

 

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The Foreword INDIES 2016 Book of the Year Awards honor the best books and authors from independent publishers. Chosen from thousands of entries from across the country, the finalists were announced this week and include two Idaho humor writers, Elaine Ambrose and Amanda AK Turner.

ForeWord Book of Year

The top three winners in the 19th annual awards program will receive either the prestigious Gold, Silver, or Bronze Awards and will be chosen after the final votes are judged and tabulated from librarians and booksellers. Winners in each genre—along with Editor’s Choice winners, and Foreword’s INDIE Publisher of the Year—will be announced during the 2017 American Library Association Annual Conference in Chicago on June 24, 2017.

Ambrose is a finalist for her book, Midlife Happy Hour. She won the Book of the Year Bronze Award for Humor in 2004 for her funny golf book, The Red Tease. Turner, a New York Times bestselling author, is a finalist for her book, Vagabonding with Kids. Both books were published by  Brown Books Publishing Group of Dallas, Texas.

happyhour_sketches_v3 vagabonding

Both authors served on the board of the Idaho Writers Guild, have performed in the popular “Life Sucks, Laugh Hard” live comedy shows, and collaborated on two books of humorous historical fiction, Drinking with Dead Women Writers and Drinking with Dead Drunks. Attendees of the Idaho Writers Guild conference in May can hear their latest readings at the “Life Sucks, Laugh Hard” performance with New York Times bestselling author Jen Mann.

drinking dead women writers coverdrinking dead drunks cover WittyWomen_Flyer_v2_OLF

As part of their mission to discover, review, and share the best books from small, university, and indie publishers (and authors), independent media company Foreword Reviews hosts its annual awards program each year. Finalists represent the best books published in 2016, and submitted to Foreword Reviews for award consideration, and were narrowed down by Foreword’s editors. A complete list of finalists can be found at:

https://awards.forewordreviews.com/finalists/2016/

“Choosing finalists for the INDIES is always the highlight of our year, but the choice was more difficult this time around due to the high quality of submissions,” said Victoria Sutherland, publisher of Foreword Reviews. “Each new book award season proves again how independent publishers are the real innovators in the industry.”

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #AK Turner, #humor, #Jen Mann, #Midlife Cabernet, book awards, Brown Books Publishing, Foreword Book of the Year, Midlife Happy Hour, Vagabonding with Kids

Midlife Happy Hour will Premiere at Regional PNBA Show

September 28, 2016 By Elaine Ambrose

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Midlife Happy Hour – Our Reward for Surviving Careers, Kids, and Chaos ranked #54 in pre-sold editions on Amazon.com out of thousands of books in the mid-life category. The book, a sequel to the award-winning, bestselling Midlife Cabernet, will be officially released on October 4, 2016. Pre-orders can be made now to insure first delivery from Amazon. The book also will be available in local stores, including Rediscovered Books in Boise, online, and through national bookstores.

Officials from the Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association invited me to speak and premiere the new book at the tradeshow in Tacoma, Washington on Thursday, September 29. I’m leaving Thursday and promise not to embarrass the state or my family. On Friday, September 30, I’ll be speaking on an author/small publisher panel with Boise author AK Turner, Rediscovered Books owner Bruce DeLaney, and realtor/author Mike Turner, all from Boise. We’ll discuss methods of establishing positive relationships between writers, small publishers, bookstores, and the community.

The Boise area premiere party will be October 13 at Telaya Winery. A special edition red wine will be introduced using the cover of the book as the label on the bottle. The public is invited to attend and share laughter and libations.

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Product Details

    • Paperback: 224 pages
    • Publisher: Brown Books Publishing Group (October 4, 2016)
    • Language: English
    • ISBN-10: 1612549217
    • ISBN-13: 978-1612549217
    • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #220,814 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
      • #54 in Books > Self-Help > Mid-Life
      • #260 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Self-Help & Psychology
      • #309 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Parenting & Families

mhh-wine-bottle-label

Here are the chapter titles for Midlife Happy Hour:

  1. Early Signs I Wasn’t Eligible for Sainthood
  2. The Great TV Blooper of Southern Idaho
  3. What if Arts Patrons Acted Like Sports Fans?
  4. The World Can Kiss Our Attitude
  5. Stay Relevant and Thirsty, My Friend
  6. Why Your Children Are Cute but Should Move Out
  7. My Feminine Mystique Sprung a Leak
  8. Reinventing the Wheel of Fortune
  9. Validation on a Volcano
  10. Mom, I Joined the Army
  11. Balancing Midlife Without Falling Over
  12. Blog Your Way to Fame and Shame
  13. My Fish Won’t Hump Your Leg
  14. Still Laughing in the Empty Nest
  15. Midlife Crisis of Confidence
  16. Coloring Outside the Lines
  17. The Joy of Traveling with (Grown) Children
  18. Tell Enchanting Stories to the Grandkids
  19. My Views from Behind the Podium
  20. What to Wear if You Must Get Dressed
  21. The Suffragist Ghosts of Susan and Alice
  22. Why Caregivers Drink
  23. How to Plan a Funeral
  24. Happy Hour, At Last!

Midlife Happy Hour is available at bookstores, including Rediscovered Books in Boise and Barnes & Noble. Find it online at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble. E-Book versions are available at Kindle, Nook, IBooks, and Google Play. An audio book will be released soon.

 

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #humor, #midlife, Midlife Happy Hour, Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association, PNBA, Telaya Winery

Singing My Rendition of the Birthday Blues

September 8, 2016 By Elaine Ambrose

funny-older-lady-drinking

 

Today is my birthday, so I’ll take a pitiful look at the past and remember why I’m so grateful for the present. My childhood was far from fun because I was designated as a Problem Child Who Lacked the Ability to Conform. The following is an excerpt from my new book, Midlife Happy Hour.

 

I suspected at a young age that my parents didn’t like me. When I was five-years-old, they gave me scissors and told me to go outside and run around. Mom allowed me to ride in the front seat of her car, usually standing up without restraint. My dad introduced the family by saying, “I have two outstanding children. And Elaine.” My suspicions were confirmed when they dropped me off at college and sped away. I was on to them.

I was born as a total disappointment and retained that dubious distinction throughout my childhood. I survived next to my dead sister in my mother’s womb and should have been hailed as one tough little fighter, but no. After I emerged all ready to be adored and cuddled, my father shook his head and left the hospital as his exhausted wife meekly apologized for the transgression of having a girl. Even as a newborn baby, I must have sensed that it wasn’t cozy in my bright, new world because I wailed for an hour until some exasperated nurse shoved a bottle in my mouth. That powerful incident probably accounts for my future weight problems, and in all honesty, contributed significantly to my need as an adult to have some kind of bottle nearby.

When I was old enough to ask about my twin sister, my mother only commented that the baby had died sometime before birth. Two bassinets were waiting in the delivery room, but the first baby, named Arlene, was born dead. I could only imagine the utter dismay my father would have felt if he had wasted his time and energy on siring and supporting two female children. He probably would have hung black curtains over the door and lamented his misfortune over another glass of Crown Royal at the Silver Spur, the local saloon in the village of Wendell, Idaho. The grizzled men sitting around the bar would have nodded in solemn agreement through the smoke-filled room, mumbling with pity about his great calamity. In a small farming community, more sons meant more workers in the field.

“Too bad about them females,” ol’ Titus would mutter, a toothpick bobbing between his chapped lips as he spoke. “Can’t get much work out of a girl.”

“I suppose one would be tolerable,” I imagined my father answering. “The wife needs help during the canning season and she’s always behind with mending my socks. A girl could help with the household chores.”

“Remember what happened to Burt,” the bartender would mention as he wiped the sticky bar with a dirty cloth. “Had six headstrong girls and they all got themselves into trouble. I heard some of them moved to an apartment in Boise and got jobs. Can you imagine?” Heads would collectively shake in dismay and another round of shots would be ordered. Woe to the man who raised a herd of rebellious girls. Burt, an empty shell of a man, and his submissive wife eventually moved away and never returned.

A few years later, the same men at the bar cheered and passed cigars when my father proudly announced the grand and glorious birth of another son. Again, he was king of the county. The Crown Royal, the Deluxe Extra-Rare Edition, was passed around and backs were slapped in a manly manner.

circus clown

 

 

Over the years, much to my father’s irritation, I refused to accept my assigned status as a less desirable human. My rebellion began as a toddler when I refused to wear the dresses my mother sewed for me. Instead, I pulled on my brother’s clothes and preferred playing in mud to playing with dolls. By age five, I loved running outside and on more than one occasion I threw off my shirt so I could play Cowboys and Indians with my brothers and their friends. My mother would come yelling out the door, drag me inside, and punish me for showing off my flat chest. At the time, I couldn’t understand why only boys got to do fun things like remove their shirts and pee standing up.

At school, I never received any awards for good behavior. When my teachers said I acted like a clown, I said, “Thank you. Next show is at noon.”

Time didn’t temper my awkward nonconformity, but at least I had my creative brains to carry me through the judgmental hell of junior high school. Nerds didn’t need to worry about fashion or popularity contests because we were busy playing in the band, leading school organizations, and writing for the school newspaper. Actually, adult life didn’t turn out all that bad. At the last school reunion, the former popular kids were working for the nerds. Life can be sweet for a nonconformist.

 

Midlife Happy Hour is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. Order now, laugh soon.

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #birthday, #humor, #midlife, Midlife Happy Hour, small town, Wendell Idaho

Idaho Author to be Featured at PNBA Event

July 29, 2016 By Elaine Ambrose

 

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The Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association recently invited Idaho author Elaine Ambrose to be a featured author and introduce her new humorous book Midlife Happy Hour to help start the 2016 PNBA Tradeshow in Tacoma, Washington on September 29, 2016.

As a featured author, Ambrose will meet with the PNBA Board of Directors and booksellers from throughout the Northwest to sell books and discuss potential author events at their stores. Ambrose will be a guest of the tradeshow which runs from September 29 through October 2. PNBA Tradeshows and educational workshops are open only to book industry professionals, including booksellers, authors, exhibitors, publicists, librarians, and volunteers. The shows are not open to the general public.

elaine ambrose portrait #2

Elaine Ambrose is a #1 bestselling author of eight books. Her book Midlife Cabernet won two national humor awards, Publishers Weekly reviewed it as “laugh-out-loud funny!” and Foreword Reviews wrote that the book was “an argument for joy” similar to Erma Bombeck. Her nationally-recognized syndicated blog posts are published on several websites, and one humorous post was named as one of the most read posts in the history of The Huffington Post. 

In Midlife Happy Hour, Ambrose boldly writes her latest kiss-my-attitude book as a sassy sequel to Midlife Cabernet. Ambrose shares her festive life experiences and career-crushing anecdotes as she explains how to remain relevant after age 50, why grown children make great travel companions, and how to balance midlife without falling over. Ambrose notes that her feminine mystique sprung a leak after years of competing as a funny female in a serious male job market. Now the hard work is done, and she invites midlife women to join her for Happy Hour. The book, published by Brown Books Publishing, is available for pre-order and will be in book stores across the country in October.

The book premieres in Boise on October 13 at Telaya Winery. The winery will introduce a red wine that features the cover of the book as its front label. Elaine lives with her patient husband in Eagle, Idaho. Read about her books, blogs, and speaking events at www.elaineambrose.com.

PNBA logo

The Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association  is a nonprofit trade association representing the interests of literacy, free speech and independent bookselling in Alaska, Idaho, Montana, Oregon and Washington. Members include: owners and managers of independent and chain bookstores; publishers; publishers’ sales representatives; distributors; authors; publicists; librarians; book reviewers; producers of sideline items; and other friends of the trade are represented as associate (non-voting) members.

 

Filed Under: blog Tagged With: #author, Ambrose, booksellers, Midlife Happy Hour, PNBA

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