Elaine Ambrose

Bestselling Author, Ventriloquist, & Humorist

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“Melody” is a Global Winner for Children’s Fiction

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Today the winners of the 2021 Moonbeam Children’s Book Awards were announced. Idaho Author Elaine Ambrose won her 10th global writing award in six years. Her third children’s book, Melody’s Magical Flying Machine, won the Silver Medal for Juvenile Fiction – Early Reader/First Chapter Books. The delightful story features a 10-year-old girl who loves to tell stories and dreams of adventure. She also has Down syndrome. With the assistance of a talking bird, she uses a 3D printer to create a flying machine. Supporting characters include a little brother who tells knock-knock jokes. To accompany the book, two toys were designed and created by a 3D manufacturing company in Nampa.

According to Jenkins Group, sponsor and organizer of the Moonbeam Children’s Book Awards program, the awards are intended to bring increased recognition to exemplary children’s books and their creators and to celebrate children’s books and life-long reading. Medalists were chosen from nearly 1,500 total entries that came from children’s book authors, illustrators, and publishers from around the world.

Creating books that inspire children to read, to learn, and to dream is an extremely important task, and these awards were conceived to reward those efforts. Each year’s entries are judged by expert panels of youth educators, students, librarians, booksellers, and book reviewers of all ages. Award recipients receive gold, silver, and bronze medals with stickers depicting a mother and child reading and silhouetted by a full moon.

Melody’s Magical Flying Machine is available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook read by the author. The chapter book was illustrated by Idaho illustrator Caroline Zina and published by Brown Books Kids. Earlier this year, the book won Distinguished Favorite from the Independent Press Award program.  Ambrose donates copies of the book and 3D toys to area charities. This is the second Moonbeam Children’s Book Award for Ambrose. The Magic Potato won the Silver Medal in 2018.

Six books by Ambrose were published in six years and have won 10 global writing awards in three genres: humor, memoir, and children’s books.

Three Award-Winning Children’s Books. 

  • Melody’s Magical Flying Machine 
    • 2021 Moonbeam Children’s Book Award – Silver Medal
    • 2021 Independent Press Distinguished Favorite Award Winner for Children’s Fiction
  • Gators & Taters – A Week of Bedtime Stories
    • 2017 Independent Press Award Distinguished Favorite Winner for Children’s Fiction
  • The Magic Potato – La Papa Mágica
    • 2018 Moonbeam Children’s Book Award – Silver Medal for Bilingual Children’s Fiction

Two Award-winning Humor Books! 

  • Midlife Happy Hour – Our Reward for Surviving Careers, Kids, and Chaos
    • 2016 INDIES Finalist for “Book of the Year for Humor”
    • 2016 Winner of Distinguished Favorite for Humor from Independent Press Awards
    • 2016 Winner of Gold Medal for Midlife from Independent Press Awards
  • Midlife Cabernet – Life, Love, & Laughter after 50
    • 2015 Winner of Independent Publishers Silver Medal for Humor
    • (Publishers Weekly reviewed as “Laugh-out-loud funny!”)

Two Awards for Memoir

  • Frozen Dinners – A Memoir of a Fractured Family
    • 2019 Winner of “Distinguished Favorite” for Memoir from Independent Press Award
    • 2018 Winner of New York City Big Book Award for Memoir

Author’s Shameless Marketing Plug: Don’t wait on the predicted backlog of holiday and Christmas supplies and gifts. Books can be ordered now through independent book stores, online, or from the author.

 

When the Soloist Can’t Sing

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Singing at my cousin’s wedding with my best peasant dress, a guitar from Sears, and hair teased enough to hide packages of candy.

During my twenties and thirties, I sang at weddings, funerals, and assorted karaoke events with equal enthusiasm. My most requested song was “The Lord’s Prayer,” and I finessed the perfect ending:

The last line of the song is, For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen. I sang the words in a crescendo until I reached the high note on the second syllable of “forever” and held the note long and loud until the audience squirmed. Then using the same breath, I slid down the scale to hit the note on the third syllable, saying “vah” instead of the hard “r” sound. I took a breath and sang “Amen” using vibrato with the passion of a celestial choir.

My imaginary celestial choir.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t do that anymore.


I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy heart disease after a heart attack in June resulted in an echocardiogram followed with angiogram surgery in July. I’m taking eight medications, but I still can’t catch my breath, so a myocardial MRI is scheduled in a few weeks. Because of my broken heart, I can’t sing four words without stopping.

I loved to sing. At the University of Idaho, I was selected for the Jazz Choir and the Vandaleer Concert Choir. In 1971, the Vandaleers toured Europe and sang in old cathedrals in six countries. Most of the students had never been out of the USA, and a few hadn’t left the state. When the airplane took off from Heathrow Airport in London to return home, I began sobbing and couldn’t stop. The adventure changed my life, and my goal was to travel the world with a song in my heart.

I was fortunate to travel through the next few decades, and I kept singing. When my two children were born, my repertoire included favorite lullabies such as “I Love You a Bushel and a Peck” and “Momma’s Gonna Buy You a Mocking Bird.” I made up several songs, and their favorites were “Teeny Tiny Baby Boo” and “Two Kids on My Lap.” I sang around the house, and my five-year-old son would sing along with me for part of the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s Messiah.

And the glory, the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all nations shall see it together: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it.

Because I played and sang the soundtrack from “Les Miserables” so many times, my daughter could sing the entire score by the time she was 11 years old. The touring company was years away from traveling to Idaho, so I took her to Chicago to see a live performance. That was the first of many journeys to see various musical productions.

Over the last few years, my singing was limited to lullabies with my grandchildren. I also sang in the shower and when driving alone. I couldn’t reach the high notes but managed to fake the melodies. The heart attack has taken away an important part of my life, and I don’t know if I’ll ever sing again.

To keep the music playing, I started to play songs on the piano and asked for requests on my Facebook account. So far, I’ve played more than 25 requests, adding costumes and decorations for each song. Requests range from patriotic to  spiritual to silly to entertaining. I believe I’m helping to heal my broken heart by giving music to others. This is a harmonious strategy to keep my heart beating in rhythm while sharing songs. And the people said, “Amen,” with vibrato.

Hymns are the most requested songs.
Playing “The Entertainer” because I am.
Playing requests for patriotic songs.
Playing “I Love You a Bushel and a Peck” for the kids and grandkids.

 

Author Featured in KNOW BOISE Publication

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KNOW BOISE is an annual publication known as the Who’s Who of Boise and features women leaders and business owners in virtually every industry. Women are nominated by members and vetted through peer-review. The premiere issue was introduced in August, and Elaine Ambrose was included in the showcase of entrepreneurs as a bestselling author, workshop facilitator, and creator of Mill Park Publishing. The local chapter is affiliated with the global organization, KNOW WOMEN, and offers workshops, master classes, conferences, and networking opportunities.

The following page was included in the Boise, Idaho publication:

KNOW WOMEN is a global media company and community dedicated to amplifying the voices of female leaders, executives, and entrepreneurs. According to Sarah Benken, founder and CEO, “When successful women are lifted up for their hard work and achievements, they inspire the next generation of female leaders.”

 

Boise Attorney Doxes Police Officer

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August 1, 2021

Definition of Dox:  to publicly identify or publish private information about someone especially as a form of punishment or revenge

A Boise police officer recently took a break in the middle of a busy 10-hour shift to grab a sandwich. Apparently, the officer wasn’t wearing a mask, and Jane Gordon, a personal injury lawyer from Boise, saw the officer and became so enraged she took to Twitter to inform the world of the officer’s egregious behavior. She also named the officer and tagged the mayor’s office and the Boise Police Department.

The Boise mayor recently reinstated a face-covering requirement at all indoor city facilities. The sandwich shop wasn’t a city facility, but Jane Gordon felt compelled to criticize and publicly shame the officer because he works for the city.

I believe we have a year remaining to exercise our freedom of speech, so I posted a response stating my opinion:

@AmbroseElaine replying to @JanesAmerica, @BoisePD, @CityOfBoise

“Thanks to Officer (name removed) for performing a stressful, thankless job in a reality show full of Karens.”

(Definition of Karen: An obnoxious, angry, entitled middle-aged white woman who uses her privilege to get her way or publicly criticize other people’s behaviors)

I expected vitriol from the unhinged losers who use Saul Alinsky’s book Rules for Radicals as a playbook for progressive propaganda. Their most effective weapon is to use ridicule through doxing, intimidation, or bullying to silence or condemn opposition. I wasn’t disappointed. Here are a few of the responses to my opinion.

Jane @JanesAmerica replied:

“I don’t think getting a sandwich is very stressful. And if it is, maybe you shouldn’t be a cop.”

My response to Jane: I’ve encountered personal injury attorneys and law enforcement officers. I’ll take the cops any day.

Criysto @criysto replied:

“Girly.. you’re a humor author?”

My response to Criysto from Las Vegas: Yes, I am. Two of my humorous books were chosen for finalist for ForeWord Book of the Year for Humor, another book was the First Place Winner for Humor from the Independent Press Book Awards program, and another book won the Silver Medal for Humor from the Independent Publishers Awards program. I won three humor writing competitions from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists and won humor writing awards from BlogHer and from the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop. Several humorous essays on the Huffington Post went viral, including one that became one of the 10 most-read essays in the history of the Huffington Post. You seem crabby, so I should send you some of my funny books.

Yeti of @Yeti_Abides replied:

“Elaine- is your bootlicking not enough thanks for the slave catchers of Boise?”

My response to Yeti, a “professional entertainer, live event host, and aspiring comedian” in Boise: No, I don’t lick boots, but I wore out plenty of work boots while growing up on a farm. I waded through a lot of bullshit, and I’ll add yours to the pile.

I’m really a funny grandmother trying to stay alive in a hostile world. I will continue to support and respect law enforcement, and I’ll continue to write humor. In my next story, the nasty characters will be named Jane, Criysto, and Yeti.

Bag Balm™ is NOT an Aphrodisiac

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I own night gowns that date back to the Clinton Administration. My favorite slippers have shuffled me toward my coffee pot since the Eurythmics sang “Sweet Dreams are Made of This.” And, I can’t part with my favorite robe that I wore when laughing at Johnny Carson before signing off on the Tonight Show.

After a certain age, most women have earned the right to crave comfort with lounge clothes that are labeled X-Large instead of XXX. We’d rather eat cheesecake than pose for it. I tried once, I really did. In a pathetic attempt to mimic a seductress, I wiggled into a teeny black outfit that cost more per ounce than gold. I couldn’t tell which was the front or the back, so I think I had it on sideways. Then I arched my loafer-loving feet into a pair of black shoes with 5-inch heels and teetered over to Husband. He looked up and got that panicked look he gets when he knows whatever he says will be wrong.

“Did that shrink?” he asked, right before I wobbled on the heels and fell down. The tiny strap on the garment snapped and all hell broke loose. It was not a pretty sight. Husband discreetly brought my Johnny Carson robe so I quickly covered my body and recovered my composure. He assured me that he loved me just how I was, and I assured him that he finally said something right. The skimpy outfit was washed, folded, and donated along with the heels. I’m sure they bring comfort and joy to someone else.

Not enough bag balm to cover these girls…

Husband tolerates my well-worn night gowns, but I crossed the line recently when I applied Bag Balm™ before coming to bed. Those of us who grew up on a farm know that the familiar green tin can of ointment was a staple in the medicine cabinet. It’s been around since 1899 and was originally used to treat cows with dry, cracked udders. Farm (and many city) women use the ointment to smear on their heels because it works better than expensive foot creams. So, one night after I slathered my heels with the greasy balm, covered my feet with thick, white socks, donned my pill-covered gown, and jumped into bed, Husband remarked that maybe I could try the little black outfit again sometime.

He’s still recuperating.

 

My Heart Hurts

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I appreciate this cartoon by theawkwardyeti.com because my brain keeps trying to make my heart function at full capacity, but it’s too weary. I’ve have been diagnosed with Non-Ischemic Cardiomyopathy heart disease exacerbated by Occipital Neuralgia migraine headaches with a nasty helping of Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy, literally a broken heart. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine,

Broken Heart Syndrome can be life-threatening. In some cases, it can cause severe heart muscle weakness resulting in:

I appreciate modern medicine and the fine people at St. Luke’s Idaho Cardiology Associates. After my successful angiogram surgery last week, my cardiologist and I have devised a healthy, positive plan for my weak and damaged heart. I’m taking eight medications, eating a healthy diet, and doing light exercise. I’m finding humorous cartoons and articles about heart disease. I’ve always known laughter is the best medicine.

I also appreciate the many friends and family members who continue to offer prayers and encouragement, and I intend to return the favor with authentic compassion. I’ll be around for a few more years to irritate, amuse, and love all of them. Stress is not welcome in my heart or home, and certain people who continue to shun me can wallow in mud and eat worms.

For now, it’s one day at a time. Just give me a few more minutes…